


It Takes Two

by maxduckbutt



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Breaking Up & Making Up, Character Deaths (Not Jaejoong and Changmin), Drama, Ghosts, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 01:40:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 40,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6684187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxduckbutt/pseuds/maxduckbutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yoochun and Yunho have one goal in mind - Getting their boyfriends together. Now the only problem is, that they're both dead and their boyfriends still alive. So they decide to take the matter to the dude upstairs. However, things aren't going to be that easy, especially since both Changmin and Jaejoong seem to hate each other with an almost incomprehensible virulence and still appear to remain in love with their deceased boyfriends.<br/>Are the two boys in heaven ever going to accomplish their goal?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Down

“Welcome back home, Sir,” an old man with a slight hunch greeted, as he watched the young man step out of a dark blue Ferrari.

 “It’s been a long time, Hye Sung. How are you?” Changmin asked as he yanked his duffel bag out of the car and flung it over his shoulders.

 “So much better now that you’re home, Sir," The old man answered with a barely there smile, "Your parents are simply elated at your return.”

 “Are you sure? Because the last time there was a special occasion…,” Changmin scoffed and trailed off as he followed the older man into the magnificent mansion.

 “Now, sir, I’ve known you since you were a little boy. Your parents have done nothing but dote on you and I find it simply appalling that you still refuse to acknowledge what they’ve done for you.”

 “Sending me a typed birthday card on my birthday and not making it on time for the actual event isn’t exactly what I’d call behaving like doting parents, but then again I’m sure it’s all about perception.” Changmin said loudly, purposefully eyeing the stairs, as he threw his bag on to the side of the large foyer.

 “You’re never going to let that go, are you, Son?” A tall stately woman in a black pencil skirt, white blouse and heels said as she walked gracefully down the steps and pulled her son into a back breaking hug, while he grinned sheepishly back at her.

 “It happened that one time, Love, and only because I thought I’d be able to show you how I’d finally learned to use that God forsaken laptop you gifted me on MY birthday.”

 “It was my sixteenth birthday, Mum. Sending typed messages to your son on his sixteenth birthday isn't exactly going to win you the mother of the year award.”

 “And holding grudges against your parents for years for hardly any reasons at all doesn't win you the 'Son of the Year' award either. Now, I apologize for the millionth time for my gross oversight and underestimation of the overdramatic nature of my son. Let me get a kiss already. Goodness, you’ve turned into such a whiner since Yoo—“  The woman winced imperceptibly and waving away what she was about to say with long elegant fingers.

 Changmin stiffened for a second before shrugging it off and walking into the living room, “Yes, well, just because Yoochun isn’t around to beat me up every time I talk back to you, doesn’t mean that I have no right to feel affronted.”

 The older woman however remained quiet and stared at the ring on her son’s finger.

 “You haven’t taken it off.”

 

 He didn’t need to ask what she was talking about and instead chose to hold out his hand in front of his face.

He ran a finger over the contours of the diamond ring and turned away, in order to stare out at the setting sun. He was turning into a cliche. A piner. 

 “Changmin…”

 “I’ve never had a reason to take it off.”

 “It’s been five years. Isn’t it enough? Haven’t you suffered—“

 “Mourning the person you love isn’t suffering, Mother. God forbid you ever actually have to understand what I’m going through.”

 “He wouldn’t have wanted you to be like this! You’ve stopped laughing…and all you do is just focus on work all the time. How do you live like this?”

 “That’s the rub, isn’t it? I’m not living.”

 “Changmin. Please. I’m begging you. I'm asking you to try. Try to live for yourself. Let the past go. Why must you insist on wasting your life away. Why waste something you know is so precious?”

 The man turned towards his mother with a frown and sighed when he saw the tears glistening in her eyes. He walked up to her and pulled herinto a tight hug, placing a soft kiss on top of her graying hair.

 “It’s getting late, why don’t you call father downstairs. I heard Hye Sung telling me that you requested the cook to make my favorites tonight.”

 The older woman shook her head dismally and chose to smile instead.

 “Only the best, for my Changmin.”

 With that she turned away and headed quietly for the staircase, leaving her son to watch after her and then move to turn back towards the fading plain beyond their mansion, a place he'd at one point thought was paradise.

 

5 Years Ago:

 Seoul:

 “Let’s go already, Shim, we’re late!”

 “Keep your damn panties – OW!”

 “You were saying something about panties?”

 “Nothing. Nothing I swear.”

 “I thought so.”

 Yoochun grabbed hold of his hand and tugged him out of their small studio apartment.   "Come on!"

 They laughed as they ran down the rickety flight of stairs and apologized profusely to the people that they’d managed to bulldoze over in the process.

 “EVERY MORNING, CHANGMIN! EVERY MORNING!”

 “I can’t help it if you’re so provocative in the mornings, Park.”

 “Then start sleeping on the floor.”

 “But-But…then we won’t be able to have sex!”

 “That’s the idea, you nutter…”

 “But Changmin can’t live without sex…Changmin needs the sex.”

 Yoochun rolled his eyes at his fiancé and quickly scrambled to reach the bus stop, "Changmin needs to stop referring to himself in the third person."

 The two of them made it just in time to jump onto their regular bus and find their usual seats at the back.

 “Wah…we made it. With all the snow out there I thought we’d never be able to shuffle through it.”

 Yoochun looked at Changmin through the corner of his eyes and pretended to bury his head into his palms and sigh miserably.

If there was one thing Shim Changmin was a sucker for? It was an upset Yoochun. All it took was a couple of tears and things the younger wouldn't say at gunpoint to anyone else come out like a barrage.

 “You know here I always thought you couldn’t live without me…but I see where your priorities lie…you don’t want me…you just want sex…”

 Changmin choked and his eyes widened imperceptibly.

 “No! I love you!! You’re my reason for existing!!”

 Yoochun had to hide his smile at the desperately apologetic tone.

 “You’re lying.”

 “Never!! I Love you!!”

 “No…No, I know you’re lying.”

 “I would never in a million years lie to you, Park Yoochun. You are everything to me…my family, my best friend and my lover.”

 “Liar.”

 “Yah! Park Yoochun! Do you want to know how much I’d suffer if you weren’t around?!”

 “Really?”

 “Really! No one and nothing matters more than you!”

 The older boy lifted his head from his hands and grinned amusedly at the younger one.

 “YOOCHUN! YOU WERE FAKING IT AGAIN, WEREN’T YOU?!”

 “And you’re so cute when you get flustered!”

 “Don’t talk to me. Just don’t. You just enjoy making fun of me that’s all. I seriously DO NOT like you right now. It's fucking humiliating when you pull shit like this on me. Let's just broadcast it to the entire world. 'Shim Changmin is a sucker for Park Yoochun.'"

 “Changmin, I love you a lot too. I promise I’ll make you crab soup when we get home from uni, okay? Just the way your mother orders the cook to make it. “

 Changmin fought the laugh that was bubbling in his throat and continued to pout, looking away from the obvious source of his misery.

 Yoochun grinned and pulled the boy into a sweet and gentle kiss.

 “Idiot. You’re my love. My Minnie.”

 Changmin smiled and pulled him closer, murmuring a quick ‘I love you’, before proceeding to kiss him senseless.

 “Can’t we skip class today? I swear to God I just want to get us both in bed, right now.”

 “Why is everything that comes out of your mouth about food or eating or sex?”

 “Because,Yoochun, food is paradise. It is eden. It is my life source. It is—.”

 “I GET IT! You’re a pig, Changmin.”

 “But you love me anyway.”

 “Of course.”

 The younger boy laughed and pulled the other into a tight hug.

Nobody on Earth could make him a romantic, except Yoochun, who brought out sides of him that would normally have him gagging.

He wished that time would freeze at that particular point. That this happiness could last an eternity.

God, how he wished it had.

 They pulled away when they heard a monstrous screech rent the air.

 Blood-curdling, heart wrenching, soul destroying screams tore through the previously dull silence of the bus and the two boys knew something was going to go horribly wrong.

 Yoochun looked out of the window and watched in horrified shock as a large oil truck skidded over what he assumed was black ice and moved precariously towards their currently stationary bus.

 He turned around and pulled Changmin close to him and hunched down over him, knowing that this was all he could do to protect him from harm.

 It felt like everything was moving in slow motion and for the first time in years, as he held his trembling lover in his arms, Yoochun prayed with all his heart.

  _Take me. Don’t take him. Don’t take Changmin. Please. God. Please._

 “YOOCHUN!”

  _Thank you. Thank you._


	2. Two Down

 “Jiyul! Where are you?!” A beautiful young man walked around his large apartment, looking about worriedly.

 Jiyul! Dad really doesn’t want to play games right now!” Jaejoong shouted as he began to panic. He was going to lose it if he'd actually managed to lose his daughter.

 Finally, when he was about to give up and call in the cavalry, he saw two little feet poke out from behind his bedroom curtains. He grinned helplessly and decided to put on a little show for his daughter.

 “Oh God! What do I do?! I can’t find my daughter!” He moaned as he crouched down and pretended to sob pitifully into his hands. “She’s left me all alone. What am I going to do?! Should I go out a buy a new daughter?”

 He heard the pitter-patter of little feet as the little girl approached him quickly and laughed as he grabbed hold of her into a tight hug.

 The little girl let out a weird gurgling noise, that he’d come to realize was her laughter and let him kiss her all over her face and shoulders.

 “You won’t leave, Dad, right?”

 Jiyul shook her head vehemently and buried her head into his neck. Jaejoong lifted them both up and walked into the kitchen, placing her on top of the island.

 “Hungry?” He asked with an almost amused expression as her stomach grumbled. She simply nodded with a content smile on her face.

 “Alright, how about some pancakes?” The girl frowned and shook her head.

 Jaejoong looked confused for a second before feeling a light bulb go off in his head.

 “AH! You want Kimchi Jjigae?” He asked as he remembered his daughter’s favourite dish.

 The little girl smiled toothily and nodded her head quickly, signing out a thank you.

 It was Yunho’s favourite dish too.

 Jaejoong quickly shook that thought off and walked around the kitchen pulling out the ingredients from the various shelves and the fridge.

 He jumped about ten feet in the air when he heard the door to his apartment open and a handsome man walk in.

 “Junsu, ring the blo- beeping doorbell before you come in. You nearly gave me a heart-attack!”

 “Sorry, Bro.” Junsu said sheepishly as he put his coat up on the hanger by the door. He turned back around and stared directly at the girl on the table, before grinning widely.

 “What, Oppa’s favourite girl isn’t going to come hug him?”

 The little girl gurgled out a laugh again and jumped gracefully off of the island before running towards him haphazardly. He fell back laughing when she jumped on top of him and placed wet sloppy kisses on his face.

 “She’s like a little puppy, Jaejoong-ah. Can I keep her?” The younger boy laughed as he held onto her squirming body.

 “Sorry. She’s taken at this point.”

 Junsu would have laughed, had he not seen Jaejoong pull off a ring from his finger and place it delicately to the side of the washing basin.

 “Don’t put it back on.” Junsu said quietly, as he stared at the ring with an unreadable expression on hs face. How many times as he said those words to Jaejoong, knowing full well the other wasn't going to listen to anything he had to say.

 “I'm going to.”

 “It’s been five years, Jaejoong.”

 “And it doesn’t hurt any less.”

 “He was my brother, Jaejoong. I know for a fact that he wouldn’t want you to be like this.”

 “It’s my decision to make, Junsu. Not yours and not his. How I choose to grieve for my husband has nothing to do with anybody else.”

 “So what? You're going to live your life like it's already over? What's the point then? Why are you even breathing if there's no life left to live?”

 “For Jiyul.”

 “Why?”

 Before Jaejoong could answer Junsu leaned down and whispered something into Jiyul’s ear and watched  as she ran into her room.

 He turned back around and looked at his Brother in Law.

 “I live for her because the person I loved died for that little girl, I live for the fact that I would die without her by my side.”

 “When will you learn to live for yourself?”

 “Let me let you in on a little secret, Junsu. No one. No one in this entire world lives for themselves. They always have and always will live for the person that’s most important to them and no one else…not even themselves. People will always place more value in the lives of their loved ones than their own and that's just never going to change."

 “Jae…”

 “Go get Jiyul ready for bed. Dinner will be ready in ten.”

 Junsu just shook his head and walked quietly into his niece’s room.

 The other man just leaned against the counter and put his ring back on, staring at it with a tumult of emotions. Replaying the day everything changed like a videotape in his head. Over and over, still, after all these years, trying to make sense of why.

 

5 years ago:

_Gwangju:_

 “Yunho, where are we going?!” Jaejoong laughed as he was pulled by his husband down the market street.

 “It’s a surprise!” Yunho said as they reached the corner of the street.

 “Your surprises always end in disasters, Love. So you better tell me what’s going on.”

 Yunho pouted and pulled Jaejoong close to him, “Jaejoong doesn’t trust me…I'm hurt.”

 “I just don’t trust your surprises.”

 “Oi! Kim Jaejoong! I’m the great and all powerful Jung Yunho, everything that I do is perfect.”

 Jaejoong rolled his eyes at him, “Did anyone ever tell you that you have an over-inflated ego?”

 “Hey, that’s because I have the most gorgeous husband by my side.”

 “And a flatterer to boot.”

 “Why can’t you just say that you love and trust your husband with all of your being?”

 “Because those are things that don’t need to be said.”

 Yunho’s eyes watered and his mouth trembled pathetically, “My husband doesn’t love meeeeeeeeeeeee….”

 Jaejoong laughed and kissed Yunho on his lips softly, staring at the man-child with so much fondness his heart was going to burst.

 “Those are things that don’t need to be said because they are obvious enough to everyone around. I love you, Yunho. So God damn much it hurts.”

 The taller man stopped putting on theatrics and pulled Jaejoong into a tight, bone crushing hug.

 “I love you more than anything in the world, Jaejoong. More than the stars and the moon and everything else that’s eternal.”

 “Yep. That's my quota of cheese reached…”

 Yunho laughed and pulled Jaejoong along with him once again.

 They were just about to turn into one of the fanciest restaurants in the district when they heard a strange squalling from the alley nearby.

 Yunho stopped and looked at Jaejoong in confusion before walking cautiously towards the source of the noise.

 What he saw there, nearly made his heart stop, “Jaejoong…is that…is that…”

 “A baby?”

 “Can I go pick it up?”

 “Are you mad Yunho, we could get into some kind of trouble or something. Come on. Plus this place is kind of shady anyway.”

 “But Jae…”

 “No. Yunho come on!”

 They were just about to turn away when they saw four drunken men waddle into the alley way, where the little baby remained squalling.

 Jaejoong watched in detached horror as one of them kicked the baby’s basket in his drunken haze.

 “Looksy…that…filthy *hic* dumb…faby…still here…” one of them said in a slurred voice.

 “Kick that shit away…not like that thing’s going to be of any use to the society anyway, drain on our bloody resources.”

 “Yeah..haha…”

 With that the four men began kicking the basket around with a brutal force, completely ignoring the helpless quail of the baby inside.

 Jaejoong felt rather than saw Yunho snap beside him and watched in stunned horror as his husband leaped into the alley way and tackled one of the bastards to the ground.

 “YUNHO!”

 “JAEJOONG GO GET THE COPS! GO GET THE COPS!” Yunho shouted as he punctuated each word with a kick or a punch.

 Jaejoong hesitated, wanting to get his husband away from them or joining him in the fight, before running helplessly around the quiet district, looking for a cop or rather any source of help. When he spotted one, he grabbed desperately at the man’s arm and pulled him to the area of the commotion.

 The sight that greeted him there would forever be etched in his mind as he watched Yunho hunch himself over the baby and get himself kicked repeatedly in his head, gut and back.

 He watched frozen as the cop pulled out his gun and ordered the assailants to back away, leaving his husband to keel over to the side.

 “Yunho!” Jaejoong shouted as he ran towards him.

 “Jae…”

 “Don’t talk, Yunnie…They’re getting the ambulance.”

 Yunho laughed a little at that.

 “Jae…her name’s Jiyul…look…”

 That’s when Jaejoong saw the note stuck to the little basket that was now covered with his husband’s blood.

 “Hi! My name is Jiyul. My mother couldn't take care of me, she hopes you will.”

 “You know…I always wanted to name my daughter that…Jaejoong….”

 “I know. I know..Yunho stop talking…please…”

 “Jae...my head, it hurts..it’s cold.”

 “Yunho, please…please stay awake…baby for me…”

 “…Jae..can't..see”

 “Yunho, Please!...Yunho!”

 I love you, Jaejoong. I’m sorry. I love you. 


	3. Making Decisions

 “Oi! Yunho! Get your fat ass off of that cloud and come here.”

 “No,” Yunho said bluntly as he continued to draw pictures along the stars. His heart bitter with everything he'd seen and heard.

 Yoochun stomped his foot and groaned in irritation as it went straight through the white, cotton-like substance, “These stupid clouds make no sense. It’s like they can support my entire body weight, but if I stomp my foot once, they’re back to being intangible. Heaven’s logic seems like it’s come out of someone’s ass or something.”

 One of heaven’s cherubs flew by and squeaked in horror, “Don’t use language like that, Park Yoochun!”

 “Yeah? What are you going to do about it you over-grown baby?” He asked, cocking his eyebrow in challenge.

 The winged creature fluttered indignantly and flew away, mumbling something about “spoiling them too much”.

 Yunho glanced at Yoochun and raised his eyebrows at him, “Smooth. Real smooth. Anymore of that and you're going to get petitioned by the Cherub's to go to hell.”

 “Like I care what the self-righteous naked babies have to say. Jaejoong and Changmin are being idiots, again.”

 “So?”

 “I can’t take this anymore. It's like they're in a rut. Trapped in their own minds.”

 “We can’t make them do things that they don’t want to do, Yoochun. I mean it isn’t as if we can do anything from way up here.”

 “I wish we could.”

 “I know,” Yunho said with a drawn out sigh as he traced an imperceptible “W” along the stars. He turned his head and looked through the depths of the sky at Jaejoong who had now crawled into Jiyul’s tiny bed and fallen asleep.

 “This is his way of revolting against God, I suppose. To tell him… 'Look I’m going to waste everything you give me, because you took away the most important thing to me’…”

 “And Changmin’s got the ‘fuck everyone and everything’ attitude crawling up his ass. I.DID.NOT. save him so that he could behave like this. Honest to God, that boy is jus—“

 The cherub who had just flown by poked Yoochun with one of his arrows, “PARK YOOCHUN, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO STOP USING LANGUAGE LIKE THAT AND STOP TAKING THE GOD’S NAME IN VAIN?!!”

 “Look here you little baby, you keep those sharp objects away from me or else I’m going to hang you by the moon and throw your arrows at you like darts.”

 “You should do something about his mouth, Yunho. You’re the responsible one…teach him some manners.”

 “Of course, I will,” Yunho smiled at the cherub and waited for it to leave before looking back at Yoochun, “As if.”

 “You’re such a suck up. No wonder you were the teacher’s favourite all through high-school.”

 “Hey! I did well in school alright? I was one of the better ones, I actually tried to study, unlike you. Thank God Changmin was around to set your ass straight.”

 Yoochun laughed, his eyes softening at the memory, “I remember I was almost going to get expelled for picking a fight with one of the teachers…but then Changmin moved into town that year…”

 Yunho laughed softly, “He beat you up until you stopped skipping classes and picking fights. He was like a damned tornado, always coming in uninvited but leaving you with the most epic of memories.”

 “He’s changed now, though…and I feel like it’s my fault…I just—I just want him to be happy again.”

 “He loves you, Yoochun. He loves you with every beat of his heart, with every breath that he takes. Jaejoong also…he…”

 “He was something else. Every single time Changmin came near you or whispered something in your ear, this random mousy boy with glasses would come running out of nowhere and make sure Min fell down onto his face…”

 “He was so cute then, gosh, I wanted to eat him up for being that adorable. Changmin hated him…not like I blame him though…the last incident caused him to get twenty-five stitches or something.”

 “It took ages to convince Jaejoong that Changmin was in love with me and not you, and we finally did when you accepted his incessant confessions of “undying, unyielding, forevermore-will-I-cherish-thee, even if you become fat and bald” kind of love.”

 “That was a long ass confession though,” Yunho said as he threw his head back and laughed.

 “He read it out from a fifty paged book.”

 “God it was worth it though. Every single bit of it.”

  “Changmin mocked him for years after that.”

 “Speaking of..what was that weird nickname he gave Jae? Pan…something…”

 “Pan Mao.”

 Yoochun shook his head in exasperation, “What the hell did that even mean…?”

 “Fat Cat…”

 “Jaejoong threw a hissy fit every time he called him that.”

  “It was cute though…one of the rare times that I ever saw Changmin and Jaejoong look like they were having fun while still wanting to throw each other off of the roof.”

 “They would have made a retarded couple if they ever went out…soulfighters to their dying breath.”

 Yoochun shot up and ran a hand through his hair in sudden realization, “That’s it. Yunho, that’s it!”

 Yunho looked at him weirdly, “What’s it?”

 “Jaejoong and Changmin. Together.”

 “Huh?”

 “OH MY GOD! YUNHO WE CAN GET THOSE TWO TOGETHER!”

 “Have you finally lost what little bit of sense you possessed?”

 “No.No.This could work...It could actually work”

 “They hate each other, Yoochun. They can’t even stand in one room together without wanting to kill the other.”

 “Which is probably why they’ll make each other feel far more alive than they’ve felt in five years...” Yoochun said softly as he stared down at Changmin’s sleeping form.

 He wanted desperately to reach out and ease the worry lines that marred his lover’s forehead, but just like he had done for five years, he could only wait and watch over him.

 He turned towards Yunho and looked at him desperately.

 “…Maybe…just maybe they could be more to each other than we ever were to them…”

 “Yoochun… I don't know...”

 The other boy shook his head and looked up at the stars, tracing out Changmin’s name with his eyes.

 “It’ll hurt. It will hurt so badly that there are going to be times where we’re going to resent and regret the decision we’ve made…but I want him to be happy, I want to see him smile…I want them both to be... They've loved us so much...and I know they always will...but they need more...they need each other and I need to do everything I can to make it happen...”

 Yunho sighed and closed his eyes, listening quietly to the wind.

  “Alright. But we’re going to need help…”

 “Yep …and the bearded dude upstairs is going to provide it—OW… SON OF A BI— OWWW!”

 “WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT TALKING ABOUT GOD LIKE THAT, PARK YOOCHUN?! AND WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT MONITORING YOUR LANGUAGE!”

 “YOU SHOULD BE WORKING IN HELL—“

 “DO NOT RESORT TO BLASPHEMY, YOU HORRIBLE BOY!”

 “THAT’S IT!”

 Yoochun stood up and grabbed hold of the back of the Cherub’s neck.

 “Guess who’s going to go on a trip to the moon.”

 “Let go of me this instant, young man. Let go!”

 Yunho rolled his eyes and dusted specks of cloud off from his jeans.

 “Don’t take too long, Chun. We still have to talk to the old man about it.”

 “Got it~.”

 Yunho turned away chuckling and walked across the collection of clouds around him and towards the golden escalator by the side.

 He turned back one last time and looked down at Jaejoong and Changmin.

  _“Love... It’s an emotion that only the living can enjoy…so don’t waste it..Joongie, Minnie...take the chance... don't be afraid...don't be afraid of Love...”_


	4. Merger? Hell No.

**IN Heaven**

 God sat on his throne and looked at Yoochun with an almost exasperated expression on his face.

 “Did you get him down from the moon?”

 The boy grinned sheepishly back at him before nodding his head demurely.

 “When are you going to learn not to play pranks on the messengers? Honestly, Yoochun, sometimes I wonder how I allow you to get away with half the things that you do. Personally, I’m contemplating sending you to hell for a few days to reflect on what you’ve done.”

 “But you love me too much to do that,” Yoochun stated confidently as he grinned brightly at the being in front of him.

 “Let’s not get over-confident about that certain judgment. I’m very close to re-thinking it. Now. What are the two of you here for?”

 Yunho had to stop himself from laughing in order  to clear his throat and answer the man’s question.

 “Um…This is a bit hard to explain but it’s about Jaejoong and Changmin. We think that they might need a tad bit of help moving on…It’s been five years according to Earth’s calendar and nothing seems to be getting better for either of them.”

 “I cannot interfere in their lives. It is their choices that determine their fate, I merely provide opportunity.”

 Yoochun nodded his head and fiddled nervously with his fingers, “…Yes, and that’s exactly what we want you to do. We want you to create an opportunity for the two men to meet. We…” he trailed off looking at Yunho.

 “…We feel like if the opportunity is provided then they will probably act on their own. It’s only that we want to be able to manipulate situations to…help them make a move towards each other.”

 “I see…”

 “Please. They are the two most important people in our lives…or rather were, “Yoochun stated bitterly and continued, “We would personally like them to stop challenging and wasting the life around them just so that they can prove to the heaven as to who hates the world more than the other…Please…accept our request…”

 God sighed resignedly and muttered quiet words under his breath. If the two boys weren’t standing quite so close to Him, they wouldn’t have felt the shift in the direction of the wind or the one picometre shift in the Earth’s rotation.

 “Well. That should probably help deter Jaejoong’s constant insults towards me. Frankly, I was getting quite fed up with the boy asking me if I had something stuck up my ass when I “decided” to take you away from the world,” He stated as he looked on pointedly at Yunho.

 The boy in turn flushed a dark shade of red and wondered if it would be considered acceptable to apologize for Jaejoong.

 “There is no need for that.”

 Yunho jerked up in confusion, “How did you--?”

 “Dear boy, have you forgotten who I am?”

 “Wait, if you could read minds then why did you ask us to explain our request to you?”

 “Because I’m all cool like that. Yo. Peace out.”

 “….”

 “….”

 “Oh and well maybe because it’s against my rules to make decisions based on people’s thoughts…and because well…people tend to think of things that they don’t really want to happen. So I have to let them voice their prayers out to me first. It’s quite a practical approach really. Anyway, you can leave now. Goodbye.”

 Yunho and Yoochun stared uncertainly at Him for a little while longer before turning away slowly.

 “Did he just—?”

 “I have no idea…”

 “Wow.”

 “I know…”

 

**SEOUL**

 Jaejoong walked into the boardroom and sat down on one of the few vacant seats. He lifted his feet up and propped them on the table carelessly and indicated for the men to continue with what they were talking about before he had entered.

 The men looked at the model wearily before continuing with their discussion, anticipating Jaejoong’s terrifying reaction to what they were about to say.

 “Jaejoong, uh Sir, our entertainment company has gotten a proposition from one of the foremost leading enterprises in the country…”

 “And?”

 “…They’ve chosen... asked to …um create…relations with our company and would like for you to enter into a contract with them, in order to promote their clothing brands and other possible future projects…”

 “Which company are we talking about?”

 “Er…Shim Corp.”

 “Reject it,” Jaejoong said without a second thought. He placed his feet back on to the floor and stood up, walking determinedly towards the door.

 “It’s a four billion dollar deal!” One brave man from the board of directors shouted desperately as he watched the other man walk away.

 Jaejoong froze and then looked back at the man, “Four bil-Get Shim Changmin on the line. I want to know what the bastard’s playing at. Fucking idiot's always upto something.”

 “Sir, there’s no need for that… he said he was waiting for you in your mother’s office.”

 The model didn’t even bother to answer as he sprinted out the door and across the building, towards the other wing.

 About seven-eighths of his being was filled with hatred at the prospect of the other man being anywhere within his line of sight, and he chose to conveniently ignore the one-eighth that wasn’t.

 He threw open the double-doors and stopped when he spotted the lean man resting against the window and staring out at the wide-open sky. He watched in mild fascination as the said man turned towards him, his formerly expressionless face breaking out into a semblance of a smile.

  “Wipe that filthy fucking smile off of your face, Changmin. You look constipated.”

 “Always such a pleasure to see you, Jaejoong. It never ceases to amaze me that such a charming and cordial person such as yourself could run a company without setting it on fire with your wit and class.”

 Jaejoong fought the urge to leap across the spans of the room and attack the younger man. He shut his eyes and begged for patience as he gritted out his next few words.

 “Cut to the chase. What the fuck do you want?”

 “I do believe I’m hurt. Now, what on Earth could I possibly want from you?”

 “That’s what I’m asking you, you Asshole.”

 “My God, your language skills are truly appalling. I should let your mother hear about this.”

 “Tell her whatever the fuck you want. Now why are you here?”

 “My, my, temper, temper. You don’t want to have an aneurysm now do you?”

 “Four Billion dollars, Changmin. Do not pretend to act innocent. Now, I’m going to ask one last time. What do you want?”

 Changmin looked at the stubborn set of his former classmate’s shoulders and sighed in resignation before folding his arms across his chest and propping one of his shoulders against an adjacent wall.

 “Your family’s company is up the shit creak, Jaejoong.”

 “Which in my opinion is only temporary. If you're here for the sake of charity, you can shove it up your prissy ass and get the fuck out of here.”

 “Your stocks have hit rock bottom. There isn't a single chance of recovery until you’re able to reclaim enough money to put the damn shares back on track. I know that the sudden depression in the entertainment market was unexpected, but don’t you think you’re kind of bordering on delusional if you think you can make up millions of dollars out of nowhere?”

 “So, this _is_ your attempt at charity.”

 Changmin rolled his eyes at this, “Oh please, Jaejoong,  give me that much credit. I’m not stupid enough to waste four billion dollars on you or any charity for that matter. My generosity only extends to those who serve me or who are useful to me.”

 “Then why are you doing this? What could you possibly gain out of signing me on as a clothing ambassador for that ridiculous amount of money?”

 “Unsurprisingly, I actually have nothing to do with this decision. For some odd, unfathomable reason, my parents and your parents have decided that it would be in the best interest of your company and ours to engage in a merger that could possibly revolutionize both the entertainment as well as the business industries as a whole.”

 Jaejoong gaped at the younger man before smacking his fist against the table in agitation.

 “You are not going to buy this company off of me or my family. This company has and always will be a Jung-Kim merger. This was Yunho’s dream, and I’m not going to let you get your grimy paws on it.”

 Changmin raised an eyebrow at the older man before turning his back on him and gazing into the distance.

 “I’m not going to buy the company off of you or anyone else. This was Yunho’s dream and I acknowledge that fact with all the respect in the world and it is precisely because it was HIS dream that I do not want to see it dissolve into nothing. Shim Corp. only wants to put all your artists and models under an exclusive contractual obligation towards promoting our company’s merchandise. It’s a bloody brilliant business deal, Jaejoong. Don’t be an ass about it.”

 Jaejoong stood with his palms resting against the mahogany table and his hair covering his eyes.

 “You’ve spoken to my parents about this?”

 “Yours and Yunho’s. They think it’s a brilliant idea and frankly, I think it’s a win-win situation for both parties involved.”

 “Set the meeting date with the lawyers. You can speak to other members of the company whenever you find it convenient.”

 “Alright.”

 With that Changmin grabbed hold of his coat from the desk and walked silently passed Jaejoong, towards the door.

 “Changmin…”

 “What?”

 “Thank you…”

 “I told you…I wasn’t the one who made this decision. You could say that circumstance did.”

 “Still…”

 “Jaejoong…”

 “Mmm…”

 “Your ass looks massive in those jeans…you should sue the company that made them…”

 Changmin laughed and dodged the stapler that came flying at his head and ran out of the door, leaving a fuming Jaejoong behind to scream vile obscenities after him.

 “I’ll see you soon, Pan Mao!”

 “FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE! JUST FUCK YOU!”

 


	5. Grow up!

 Jaejoong wondered if he would be doing the world a favor by punching Shim Changmin.

 He watched in horrified silence as the said man played with his daughter inside his house and acted like he practically belonged there.

 “Why are you inside my house?” Jaejoong asked, grinding his teeth.

 “Because I have decided that I’m madly in love with your daughter and want to take her away and marry her.” Changmin stated in a bored and matter of fact voice as he peppered small kisses on the younger girl’s cheek and watched amusedly as she giggled and squirmed in order to get free.

 “You stay away from my daughter, you weirdo.”

 “Jiyul, you’ll marry Uncle Shim, right?” Changmin asked as he took one of Jiyul's sketch pens and drew little hearts on the little girl’s palm, grinning as the little girl signed out what other drawings she wanted.

 Jaejoong would have actually found the entire scenario adorable if it wasn’t for the fact that it was Shim Fucking Changmin that had managed to gain a vehement nod from his beautiful, innocent daughter. He gasped in outrage and leaned down to pull her away from the clutches of the fiend before him.

 “Jiyul, stay away from him. He’s a big bad wolf. Understand?” He growled out, ignoring his former class-mate’s eye-rolling.

 Jiyul cocked her head to the side and shook her head, before reaching out both her arms towards Changmin.

 The taller man smirked victoriously at Jaejoong and took the girl away from him.

 “Jiyul, I'll make you happy, okay? We can leave your daddy to work on his bad manners.”  Jiyul gurgled happily and buried her head into the crook of Changmin’s neck.

 Jaejoong sighed in miserable defeat and plonked himself down on top of the couch.

 “Did mom send you?”

 “Uhuh.”

 “Why?”

 “Because she’s given me the pleasurable task of informing you that your next series of photoshoots are going to take place in Switzerland.”

 “What?”

 “Yeah, I’m going to go now.”

 “Don’t you dare move.”

 Changmin sighed resignedly before resting his head against side of the couch and proceeding to pat Jiyul on her back as she drifted off to sleep.

 “Switzerland?”

  “Yes, Switzerland. As in the one in Europe, as in the one that is very far away. Can I leave now?”

 “No, you can’t leave. Just sit your uninvited ass back down on the floor and wait until I stop freaking out.”

 “You? Stop freaking out?  That’s like saying the world’s going to stop turning or something.”

 Changmin winced as Jaejoong whacked him across the back of his head.

 “I can't go to Switzerland.”

 “Why the hell not?”

 “Because—!”

 “Because what, Jaejoong?”

 “Because Jiyul needs to go to school and I need to take care of her…”

 Changmin cocked his eyebrows at the man, “Jiyul has her holidays going on, Jaejoong, and it isn’t like she can’t come with you.”

The younger frowned when he saw the model fist his hands and dig them almost painfully into his stomach, as if he were trying to stop some kind of pain from escaping from within.

 “Jaejoong…”

 “You can go. Just make sure you lock the door …”

 “Yo, Mao, what the fuck’s wrong with you?”

 “Nothing. Nothing. I’m fine. I’ll talk Mom out of the Switzerland photoshoot.”

 “You can’t do that.”

 Jaejoong’s head shot up as he stared at Changmin searchingly.

 “What do you mean?”’

 “Everything has already been fixed up. There’s no backing out.”

 “Why the fuck am I never consulted about any of this shit?! First it was with your damned company and now with this bullshit.”

 “Look, I’m just telling you what I was told to tell you. So get over whatever shit’s stopping you from doing your damned job and get ready to leave.”

 Changmin would have stalked out of the apartment at that particular second if it wasn’t for the fact that Jaejoong looked positively petrified.

 “Seriously, Jaejoong? What is wrong with you?”

 “I can’t go.”

 “What—? All you have to do is pack a suitcase and get into a damned plane. It’s not rocket science.”

 “It’s not that!” Jaejoong snapped irritably, “I just can’t.”

 Changmin watched as the model fidgeted uncomfortably with the ring on his finger.

 He sighed as he placed Jiyul gently down onto the ground.

 He hoisted himself up onto the couch and caught hold of Jaejoong’s hand and practically questioned him with his eyes alone.

 “Do— Do you remember where I went with Yunho for our honeymoon?”

 “Yeah, Switzer— Oh...”

 “I can’t go back there. I physically cannot make myself go see that place again. There are…too many memories…I can’t.”

 Changmin reached out to pet Jaejoong’s head but thought better of it and retracted his hand hesitantly. He then stood up and walked towards the coat hanger.

 “I’m leaving now. Get ready to leave by the day after.”

 “I’M NOT GOING!”

 “Stop being a spoiled, pathetic, brat, Jaejoong. Learn to get your priorities in order and stop mixing your private life with your professional one.”

 “WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!”

 Changmin whirled around and glared menacingly at Jaejoong.

 “I DON’T KNOW?! YOU ACTUALLY THINK I  DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE?!”

 Jaejoong shut his mouth and turned away, silently thanking the heavens that Jiyul was a heavy sleeper.

 “Just leave, Changmin.”

 “No. Not until you decide to get your head out of your damned ass and tell me that you’re going to do your stupid job.”

 “What if you were forced to go to Paris against your will? Wasn’t that the last place you went on holiday with Yoochun?”

 “Yes. It was.”

 “SO?”

 “I’ve already been back there a billion times since then, Jaejoong.”

 “…”

 “Unlike you, I know that the only thing that can possibly keep me sane is to relive all the happy memories I can possibly recall and hold onto them with every fiber of my being. I loved him with every part of my soul, Jaejoong, and that’s exactly why I will fill the void in my heart with memories of the times where we loved like no other. I don't run away from my memories of him, I look for them in everything, it makes me remember.”

 “Changmin…”

 “Grow up, Jaejoong. It’s time you stopped living in your own head and started living in the world around you. Embrace your memories with Yunho-hyung, don’t try hiding from them. They are memories that deserve attention, not some lame attempt at pushing them with the forgotten. ”

 With that Changmin plucked his jacket off of the rack and strode quietly out of the front door, refusing to turn around and acknowledge the tears that were bound to be trailing down Jaejoong’s cheeks.

 

**IN HEAVEN**

 “They’re going to Switzerland.”

 “Yeah…” Yunho said as he stared dazedly at Jaejoong, who had now managed to curl up onto the couch in a fetal position.

 “I don't...is that a good idea?…”

 “I don't know.”

 Yoochun lifted his head and stared up quizzically at the heavens above.

 What are you playing at, old man?


	6. Rash Decisions

**GIMPO AIRPORT:**  
  
  If there were some things that Kim Jaejoong couldn't stand, then nothing could possibly beat his unparalleled hatred for a certain Shim Changmin.    
  
Jaejoong thought he'd heard and felt everything that the world had to offer, but the scene unfolding before him was almost too much for him to bear.   
  
He watched in shocked, albeit horrified, fascination as his poor, sweet, foolish, naive daughter ran out of his arms and flung herself unceremoniously at an unsuspecting Changmin.    
  
He couldn't possibly fathom at what particular point Changmin had managed to needle his way into his daughter's heart nor could he even trace the point at which his daughter had stopped listening to a word he had to say.  
  
  All he could really understand now was that Shim Changmin had now committed the most horrific crime on Earth and had successfully managed to brain wash his daughter.    
  
He waited impatiently for his daughter to let go of Changmin and divert her attention to the rest of the crew members, before grabbing hold of the other man's wrist in a vice like grip.    
  
Changmin groaned in pain and yanked off his headphones to look at the model in annoyed inquisition, "What?"    
  
"What have you done to my daughter?!" Jaejoong snarled menacingly.    
  
"Huh?"  
  
  "Playing dumb are we? You wait and watch Shim Changmin. I'll deal with your child-stealing, boyfriend seducing ass later. You better sleep with one-eye open!"    
  
Changmin cocked his eyebrow at him in amusement before shrugging, "You really missed out, Jaejoong...Yunho and I used to have plenty of fun behind your back. We would have totally wanted a threesome."  
  
  The other's eyes bulged out of their sockets and Changmin strolled past him, counting to three.    
  
He felt rather than saw Jaejoong lunge at him and laughed as he dodged the man.  
  
He then walked towards the check-in counter where he smiled smugly when he heard Jaejoong start begging Jiyul to stop hitting him with her stuffed Dog.  
  
  When they finally managed to board the plane, after plenty of death threats and swearing on Jaejoong's part, they both realized, to their extreme discomfort, that they'd both be sitting together.    
  
Changmin turned around and looked appealingly at one of the camera crew members, "Song, switch places with me, please.

  
"No."

 

"Please."

 

"No."

 

"WHY?!"

 

"Because I don't want to, now stop being a damned brat and sit down!"

 

"I should have fired you years ago," Changmin stated pettily as he pouted miserably.

 

"You love me."

 

Jaejoong would have smacked Changmin for being a tactless ass, if it wasn't for the fact that he was being given disapproving looks from everybody in the vicinity.

 

He slumped back grumpily in his seat and stared forlornly out of the window.

 

They sat in surly silence and nearly jumped out of their skins when they heard the hostess ask them to straighten their seat-backs and fasten their seat-belts. Jaejoong completed all the instructions without breaking a sweat and turned to look at Changmin who had managed to do the same but yet seemingly appeared to be frozen to his seat as he watched the crew members give out safety instructions.

 

"W-we're taking off?"

 

"Um..yeah?"

 

"R-right.."

 

Jaejoong stared at him in confusion before feeling a light-bulb go off in his head. He grinned evilly and turned Changmin's face towards his, "You're afraid of flying."

 

"N-no, what on Earth c-could have p-posssibly given you that i-idea?"

 

"Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that you're shaking in your boots and your knuckles seem to be turning white in their attempt to break the armrest?"

 

Changmin automatically let go of the armrests and instead chose to fold his arms along his chest.

 

He mumbled every Buddhist prayer he could possibly remember and tried to stop his heart from bludgeoning out of his chest. Ignoring the model's growing elation at his side.

What God he's managed to piss off to give Kim Jaejoong a front row seat to his humiliation he'd never know.

 

Jaejoong bit his lips in amusement and inched closer to Changmin's ear as the other took calming breaths and closed his eyes.

 

"Boom!"

 

Changmin let out and an undignified squeak and looked around panicked. Jaejoong threw his head back and laughed uproariously, clutching at his stomach with one hand and covering his face with the other

 

"You said, hahahahaha, that you weren't scared, hahahahahahaha!"

 

Changmin leaned over and wrapped his hands around Jaejoong's neck, "When we take off, I'm going to kill you!"

 

Jaejoong just grabbed hold of Changmin's hands and continued laughing hysterically, trying desperately not to point out to the other that they'd already taken off.

 

The taller boy felt the plane shudder and buried his head into Jaejoong's chest, his hands still around the other's neck, "Oh dear God. We're going to die. Die! Oh my fuck! Yoochun, I'm coming baby! Oh sweet baby Jesus...!"

 

Jaejoong laughed harder at his theatrics. He unwound Changmin's hands from around his neck and placed his own around the other's shoulders, unconsciously rubbing soothing circles around his back.

 

Today, like the rare days that Tsunamis hit unsuspecting shores, the two men seemed to gain simultaneous epiphanies.

 

Kim Jaejoong finally admitted that Yoochun's Changmin was probably the most adorable man that he'd ever come across and Shim Changmin had finally admitted that maybe Jaejoong could be a sensitive asshole when he wanted to be.

 

However, these realizations did not come unaccompanied.

 

They both realized that this was probably the first time in a long time that they'd heard Jaejoong laugh so freely.

 

And this was a fact that scared the shit out of them both.

 

**IN HEAVEN**

 

Yoochun stared contemplatively at the events that were now unfolding below. He grasped at the clouds as he peered closer and flailed his hands excitedly as his suspicions were confirmed.

 

"Yunho...I think...I think, it's actually working..."

 

He whirled around happily and looked towards the other boy, only to find him staring down at Jaejoong with his head cocked to the side and a look of understanding marring his face.

 

Yoochun stood up and grabbed hold of Yunho's collar and pulled him towards himself.

 

"No."

 

Yunho looked into Yoochun's pleading eyes and tried to turn away.

 

"No, Yunho. No."

 

"...it could work..."

 

"YOU WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY, YUNHO?! THEN YOU CAN'T DO THAT BY MEDDLING DIRECTLY! IT'S AGAINST THE LAWS OF FATE!"

 

"I KNOW THAT!"

 

"Then stop! Whatever you're thinking about right now, just stop!"

 

"Maybe...maybe if I make him remember...maybe...it could work...Yoochun...it could actually work..."

 

Yoochun's eyes widened in shock as he grappled with Yunho's hand.

 

"No...please, Yunho, please....don't do anything you'll regret...you can't play with his mind! You can't!"

 

Yoochun let out a panicked yell as he felt Yunho disappear. He flailed uselessly to try and grab on, but only managed to capture air.

 

He stumbled along the clouds and ran helplessly towards the golden escalator.

 

_God, stop him._

 

Yoochun froze when he felt an otherworldly presence invade his mind.

 

_Let him._

_Why?_

_Because he is the one that knows Kim Jaejoong the best. He will know how to make the boy let go._

_What about Changmin?!_

_His time will come. Yours will too. Fate is more complicated than you can imagine, Yoochun. It will not allow itself to be messed with until it chooses to be._

_Will he be punished?_

_No. His heart is in the right place. However, his methods may be extreme._

_It could make things go wrong!_

_Yes._

_bu--_

 

However, by the time he could form another thought, God had already receeded from his mind. He stared hopelessly down below and prayed with all his heart for things to work themselves out.

 

_Don't do anything stupid, Yunho. Please. I can't lose you too._


	7. Biting and Kicking

Changmin could practically taste Jaejoong’s fear. The air was thick with it.

 He could feel every part of the other man crackle with a mixture of unparalleled anxiety and a near demented anticipation for what was to come.

 What added to his own despair, however, was the fact that the younger man could not fathom his own desperate need to comfort the other. He clenched and unclenched his fist in agitation before sighing in utter resignation. He reached out and smacked Jaejoong across the back of his head, hard, and waited for the inevitable outcome of his action.

 The older man jerked out of his thoughts and growled menacingly at Changmin, before jumping across the backseat of their cab and lashing out viciously at the others’ arm.

 “What the hell was that for?” Jaejoong snapped morosely, inching backwards after having been warned off by a bottle of pepper spray, courtesy Shim Corp.

 “Your apparent need to disrupt any kind of happiness around you nearly made my soul bleed. So if you could please stop spreading bad vibes, it would be appreciated. I need good mojo around me.”

 “Bad vibes my ass, you fffrkkrhgea…“

 Changmin looked up and leaned over to wrap a hand across Jaejoong’s mouth. He grunted painfully when the other elbowed him in his stomach and sneered before pulling him up against his chest and sealing his arms with his own.

 Jaejoong struggled and let out a couple of muffled swear words before Changmin leaned down and whispered, “Your daughter seems to be a little too interested in our conversation to be using language like that, Jaejoong.”

 The older man looked up and watched as his daughter peered at the two of them from the front seat with an almost enraptured sense of fascination.

 He nodded before sending a fist spiraling into Changmin’s gut. The other groaned again and leaned back against the door.

 “Using violence isn’t exactly setting a good example for your daughter either.”

 “ Ef off.” Jaejoong stated as he lifted his middle finger up for good measure.

 “You’re seriously one of the most charming men I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting, Jaejoong, congratulations. My heart bleeds for those who succumb to your wiles.”

 “Go jump out of the car, Shim. You’ll probably be more useful as road-kill.”

 “Oh woe is me," Changmin stated dryly, "I don't think I can take the torture you inflict upon my soul. Oh, however shall I go on…however shall I be—“

 Jaejoong leaned over and pressed his palms on  top of his daughter’s ears before turning his head back around and letting out a stream of curses that left Changmin staring at him with wide eyes and his mouth hanging  wide open.

 The driver shook his head and muttered something about having lived too long. 

 When they reached the hotel, Jaejoong watched as Changmin practically leaped out of the car and laughed amusedly before looking back out of the window at the hotel. He stared at the hotel for what seemed like eons, before Changmin poked his head back in through the window and said, “ Problems princess? Are you waiting for the red carpet to be rolled out? Do you need to be escorted…”

 Jaejoong looked at him with haunted eyes and Changmin’s hands tightened on the handle of the door, “Don’t tell me…”

 When the older man didn’t answer, Changmin shook his head and walked away, pulling his phone out of his pocket and dialing his secretary’s number.

 “Hye Jin, can you call and find out if there are any other hotels close to the shoot’s location?...No, I’m afraid I’m not quite comfortable with this one…no, no…just please attribute it to me being spoiled, but please try and find out if there are any other hotels in the vicinity…I’ll wait…”

 He closed his eyes and sighed.

 “..I’m here, yes…there are no hotels...they’re all booked…yes I’m aware that this is one of the best hotels…yes…I understand…thank you…no no…I apologize…thank you for trying.”

 When he heard the woman cut the call, he opened his eyes and turned towards the car.

  “Get the fuck out of the car, Jaejoong! We don’t have all day!”

 When the older man refused to move, Changmin went around the car and wrenched open the door. He yanked him out by his arms and pushed him towards the hotel entrance.

 “I’m not going in there.”

 “Tough luck. Move.”

 “FUCK-OFF, YOU INSENSITIVE BASTARD, I’M NOT STEPPING INTO THAT HOTEL!”

 “Then we’ll just have to carry you.”

 With that Changmin signaled for the rest of the crew members to deal with Jiyul and their luggage and then proceeded to throw the light-weight Jaejoong over his shoulders.

 “LET GO OF ME, YOU APE! I’LL SCREAM BLOODY MURDER! DO YOU HEAR ME?! I.WILL.SUE.YOUR.ASS!”

 “You’re already doing a bloody good job with the screaming.”

 Jaejoong thrashed around and bit Changmin’s back repeatedly. He clawed relentlessly at the other’s face and did everything humanly possible to make the other let go of him. Changmin, for his part gritted his teeth and dug his fingers into the older man’s back in an attempt to subdue him.

 He strolled across the spans of the hotel lobby and did his best to ignore the appalled looks of the people around him. God only knew, he'd known his reputation would be shot the second he let Kim Jaejoong within five feet of him. He snatched a pair of room keys from Jaejoong’s manager, who held them up without question, as if already too used to the nonsense the two men got up to.

 Changmin located the room, which was thankfully on the ground floor, and managed to unlock the door with a lot of pain and effort on his part.

 He stomped angrily across the room after a particularly piercing bite, and dropped Jaejoong down on top of the bed unceremoniously. He then slid, exhausted, on to the floor and tried desperately to learn how to breathe properly again.

 “You’ve been stalking up on some cheese, you fucking fat ass. How much do you weigh?!”

 Jaejoong lunged at him from the bed and pulled savagely at the taller man’s hair.

 Changmin tried to pull him off, but only managed to make the man wilder and winced in pain when he felt a couple of strands rip off from his head.

 “Fuck! Get off of me, you savage!”

 “YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP! I’M GOING TO KILL YOU! I’M SERIOUSLY GOING TO KILL YOU!”

   
Flashback:

 Changmin stood out in the balcony with Yunho and looked out at the twinkling lights of the sky-line. He took a particularly long sip of beer and cringed as Yunho began telling him about his sex life.

 “…and you know what?! He has to be like the most sensitive person in bed—“

 “Please. I beg you. Spare me. I'm still young and innocent."

 “No, but seriously, one bite on that cute little birth mark under his chin and it’s like he loses all ability to think…it’s so hot—“

 “Yunho! Like SERIOUSLY! EW! Please!!”

 Yunho laughed and pulled Changmin into a big bear hug.

 “But it’s so much fun, Minnie! You’re so cute when you get flustered!”

 Changmin hit Yunho on his shoulders and pouted miserably.

 “You have a nasty sense of humor.”

 “But you loooooove me anyway~~”

 “No. I don’t.”

 “Changminnie~”

 “No seriously…”

 “Minnnieeeeeeeeeeeee”

 “Get away from me…no tickling…Yunho! SERIOUSLY!! HHHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

 End Flashback.

 

He snapped back to reality when he felt Jaejoong knee him in his gut and growled.

 “Fuck this shit.”

 He grabbed onto Jaejoong’s waist and flipped them over, before holding the older man down by his arms. He watched the other's eyes widen in shock as he brought his face closer to his and shut his eyes a split second before he bit down on to Jaejoong's birthmark.

 “What are yo—nnngh!!”

Fuck…oh fuck.

 

**On top of Prime Tower.**

 Yunho sat on the ledge of the tall building and looked up at the sky tiredly.

_Just a little bit more baby…I’m sorry…but it’s just a little bit more._

 

**Somewhere back in Seoul.**

 Hey Jin stared at her laptop in confusion.

 “What the fuck?”

 All the hotels that seemed to be fully occupied only a few minutes ago, seemed to have doubled their number of vacancies in just a few seconds.

 She reached for her cell-phone and tried to call her boss.   "Seriously? What the fuck....?'

 “This number is not reachable. Please try calling after sometime.”

 


	8. Breaking Promises

 

 Changmin pulled away hastily when he felt the other moan and then stiffen perceptibly. He backed up against the wall as he watched Jaejoong’s eyes narrow dangerously and prayed to every God out there to save his soul.

 Fuck…oh fuck….that's one pissed off man.

 “Who taught you that?” The older man asked through gritted teeth.

 “H-huh? I don’t k-know what you’re talking about.”

 “Really now?” The other hissed.

 “W-would y-you look at t-the time! L-let’s go f-for di-inner, okay?”

 “Answer. My. Question or else I swear to every single God out there that you won’t see your next meal.”

 “B-bu-but…”

 “Who.Taught.You.That?”

 “N-no o-one.”

 Jaejoong got up from the floor and stalked towards Changmin. The younger man meeped pathetically and shut his eyes when he felt the other grab hold of his collar.

 Yoochun…this time I swear—

 “I’m going to count to three and you better tell me everything you know or else—“

 The door flew open and a flamboyant looking Junsu walked in, wearing a pair of khaki pants and a floral shirt.

 “Hello! My beautiful angels! It’s— oh, Jaejoong, I didn’t know you and Changmin were in such an intimate relationship!”

 It was then that the other two realized that the older boy was currently straddling the younger and that their faces were perilously close to each others’. Changmin yelped and pushed the other off of him before crawling over to the bed and splaying himself across it, trying to stop his heart from collapsing in relief.

 He tilted his head to the side and trailed his eyes over Junsu’s form before letting out a chuckle, “What the fuck are you wearing, Su?”

 Junsu blushed before twirling around on his toes, “Typical holiday wear, Baby!”

 “Yeah. In Hawaii. Where it’s hot. Where people can usually get away with looking like oversized canary birds.”

 “You’re just jealous of my beautiful self, young padawan. Let me teach you the ways of the trend-setters.”

 Changmin laughed before shaking his head and walking out of the door. He decided to go find Jiyul and take her out sightseeing, wondering  if there were any nice places to eat around the area.

 Junsu’s eyes trailed after Changmin’s tall form before glancing back at Jaejoong, “I’m going to get that boy drunk and do some nasty things to him one day. He's a walking sin.”

 “Your unhealthy obsession with him is disheartening,” Jaejoong drawled before slumping down onto the bed defeated.

 “Are you kidding me, I’ve heard locker-room talk about him since high school and let me tell you, the things I’ve heard about that boy are just…mhhmmmmm.”

 “Get out of my room…I’m going to barf if you go on about how sexy he is.”

 “But he is. Good God he is. Would you mind very much if I married him and had my beastly way with him.”

 “I couldn’t care less about what you would want to do with him. Though I am curious as to why on Earth you’re in Switzerland of all the places?”

 Junsu sighed before pulling off his shirt and throwing it aside. He reached for his own suitcase and pulled out a sweatshirt to put on. Once he was done he crawled on to the bed beside Jaejoong and splayed himself out spread-eagle and stared blearily at the ceiling.

 “I didn’t want you to be here alone. So, when I heard about it, I asked your Mom if she’d assign me a modeling job up here as well. Honestly, I didn’t expect you to hit the jackpot by ending up in the same hotel as the last time.”

 The older man stared at his brother-in-law for a long time before fisting his hands in the bed-sheet, “It’s like a joke, you know? Like fate’s trying to make a mockery out of everything that I stand for and everything that I’ve been through…It’s frustrating and so bloody exhausting…”

 “I know, Jae. I can’t pretend to understand the extent of the pain or even try to…but I know that one day you’ll be able to get through this. One day you’ll be able to view the past as it’s meant to be seen…as a mere memory…nothing more, nothing less.”

 Jaejoong shook his head and stood up, “I’m going to the roof top to get some air. Do you want to come?”

 “No. I think I’m going to go find Changmin. He might be lonely.”

 The older simply grinned, “And you think you’re the company he wants?”

 “Oh, hell yes. Nobody can deny Jung Junsu, baby.”

 Jaejoong laughed and walked out of the room, leaving Junsu to preen in front of the mirror and get ready for his “date”.

 The fair skinned man got into the elevator and stared at his reflection on the door. He wondered if his reality was as distorted as his image and raised his hand to trace the contours of the metallic form. He gazed longingly at his left hand before jerking out of his reverie when the doors opened to a darkened foyer.

 He sighed before walking along the once familiar landing and pushed open the massive wooden frame that lead to the building's terrace, before stepping out into the frigid air.

 He could feel the wind prick his skin like a thousand needles and felt the tears prick his eyes like a thousand shards of glass.  He reached the edge of the long spans of concrete and collapsed onto the ground, holding on to his stomach and hunching over in pain.

  **FLASHBACK**

 “ JAEJOONG! GET YOUR ASS BACK INSIDE! IT’S COLD!!”

 Jaejoong laughed before backing up even further, resting his back against the railing and waiting patiently for his prudish husband to step outside.

 “IT’S TOO COLD! COME ON! GET BACK IN HERE!”

 “No. Not until you come get me.”

 Yunho shook his head before inching out into the cold. He gasped at the shock of the wind before skipping across the terrace and enveloping Jaejoong into a bear hug.

 “See now you have to pay by keeping me warm.”

 “Don’t I always.”

 Yunho grinned and nuzzled his face into the crook of the Jaejoong’s neck before placing feather light kisses along the column of his soft skin. The older boy leaned back and bumped his nose against the other's and placed a soft kiss against his bow shaped lips.

 “Let’s come here again, Joongie.”

 “Mmm…The hotel manager said that couples who say “I love you” up here, stay in love forever.”

 Yunho chuckled, “Is that why you ran up here?”

 “Yep. You’re supposed to be mine forever and ever and ever and ever—“

 Yunho shut the other up by pulling him into a searing kiss, “I’m not supposed to be. I already am. I love you, Kim-Jung Jaejoong.”

 “Good, because I love—“

 “Oi! I’VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU GUYS!!”

 The couple whipped around to find Junsu panting near the door.  Jaejoong groaned and wrapped his arms around his husband, “Why did you let him come…on our honeymoon of all the places?”

 “Because he can’t take no for an answer.”

 “You spoil him too much.”

 “You do too. Sometimes a lot more than I do.”

 Jaejoong just grinned and buried his head into Yunho’s chest.

 “Let’s come back here later, Jae. After we throw that idiot off of the ice bridge.”

 “HEY! I HEARD THAT!”

 “YOU WERE MEANT TO!”

 Jaejoong laughed and shook his head before chasing after the two brothers.

 “Wait for me, you fools!!!!”

 END FLASHBACK

 “We never came back. We never got our forever. Yunho, you promised. You promised.”

 Jaejoong cried until he felt every ounce of his strength leave him. He leaned back against the side of the wall and stared out at the blurry lights of the city.The cold wind numbing every part of him.

_You broke your promise, Yunnie. You said forever. Now, I’ve got nothing._

 Yunho reached out to touch Jaejoong’s cold cheeks but felt his hands pass through the man. He pulled back and took a few steps away from his former lover, before sitting down onto his haunches.

 “Your forever wasn’t meant to be with me, Jaejoong. I am yours to keep in your heart forever…but you aren’t mine, baby. I’m sorry. But you’ll find your forever, Sweetheart. You’ll find it soon. That is a promise I know I can keep.” 

 


	9. His Secrets

 Jaejoong was drunk. He was drunk and he was rambling.

Half an hour out in the freezing cold air, two minutes in the elevator, ten shots later and Jaejoong was spewing out his fears without a single thought to who or why.

“You’re drunk.”

 Jaejoong glanced up to find Changmin staring at him with a disgusted expression on his face. He sipped at his fifteenth-something glass of whiskey before setting it down with a bang and shouting, “Thank you for noticing!!”

 The younger man winced and shook his head as he pulled his former classmate up from the bar stool.He thanked the bar-keeper for taking care of him, before dragging the dead weight of a man towards his hotel room.

 He’d been shocked when he had received a call from the hotel about his “friend” being “drunk out of his mind and making a huge fuss at the bar”. He’d left JiYul with Junsu and had returned as quickly as possible wondering what on Earth had finally driven Kim Jaejoong over the edge.

 When he spotted Jaejoong banging his head against the bar and shouting about “betrayers” and “liars”, he knew that the man was on one of his drunken sprees and that fact left him with nothing but a bitter taste in his mouth.

 He pushed Jaejoong down onto the bed and pulled off his shoes before moving on to pulling off his belt. The older man giggled and grabbed hold of the younger’s hands, “Changminnie, taking advantage of meeee.”

 Changmin tsked before smacking Jaejoong’s hand away, “Idiot. The day I even decide to look at you that way, I’ll probably jump off of a building or something.”

 “I should pro-probably…probably try that. Jumping sounds like so much fun…”

 “Don’t be an ass. Get up for a second; let me take off your shirt.”

 “Kinky boy really wants to get down and dirty~”

 “Fuck man, seriously? Jee, get up!”

 “Fine. Here… “ Changmin rolled his eyes and watched as Jaejoong propped himself up and extended his hands out like a child. “Change me.”

 He reached down to pull Jaejoong’s V-Neck off and gasped when he felt the older man grab hold of his neck and pull him down for a bruising kiss. All teeth and no finesse. Exactly the kind of kiss you'd expect from a man half mad with alcohol.

  He stayed still as he felt the other’s mouth move ferociously over his own and waited until the other pulled away from him to jump off of the bed and move towards the other end of the room.

 Jaejoong sighed and flopped back down onto the mattress, his shirt bunched up near his chest, “Yoochun told me you were a good kisser. You suck ass at kissing. Changminnie is a fail little boy who can’t get it up…so so tragic.”

 “You don’t even know what you’re doing or saying. Change out of your clothes yourself, you asshole.”

 With that said Changmin turned around and made to walk out of the room, trying desperately to get Jaejoong’s taste out of his mouth. He jumped when he felt a hand grab hold of his wrist, as he passed the bed, and looked down to find Jaejoong staring blearily at him.

 “Where’s Jiyul?”

 “Oh, so you finally give a shit about where your daughter is. How about you start wondering about her safety before you get piss drunk?”

 It was a sobering statement and that fact was painfully evident in Jaejoong’s hollowed expression.

 “I always care, Changminnie.”

 Changmin scoffed, “Yeah right.”

 “I’m serious… I just…I’m not parenting material, you know?…I don’t— I don’t know if I’m even doing a good job with her…and...well, there are times where I just want to give up and say ‘I can’t do this’ and ask other people to take her in.”

“…”

“Sometimes…sometimes I think I’m a horrible human being because there’s always some part of me that blames that child for Yunho’s death. I keep thinking that if she wasn’t there then my Yunho would never have left me…and…”

 Jaejoong got cut off when he heard Changmin growl. He looked up to find the younger one looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face.

 “You should count your blessings that a child as beautiful as your daughter even loves you half as much as she does, Hyung.”   

He walked over and leaned in close to Jaejoong’s ear and whispered, “Because you know what? People like you and me? We don’t deserve shit for the way we choose to live life. I envy you … whatever it is, at the end of the day you have someone with you who loves you unconditionally…and to be honest I hate you for it…more than you could ever imagine …So please, just get over yourself.”

 Changmin turned around and headed for the door, when he heard Jaejoong’s soft voice calling out to him, “Don’t go.”

 “I’m not going to sit here at watch you act like a total—“

 “I’m sorry Changmin-ah.”

 “Why would you even think about something as horrible as that? Don’t you love her?”

 “I told you. I’m a horrible person. I don’t deserve that child…I’m just a dysfunctional asshole.”

 Changmin turned around and stared tiredly at his hyung, “No you’re not…“

 “Sometimes I get so tired of everything. So frustrated and miserable. I blame everyone in my head for something I know was totally uncontrollable. I admit that I’ve thought about blaming her…especially in the beginning. I didn’t know what to do…” Jaejoong moaned as he buried his head into his palms.

  “Yunho was my entire world. He was everything to me. Tell me? What do you become when you lose everything, Changmin?”

 Changmin laughed bitterly, “You become me. You become this...” he said as he pointed towards himself. “You have her. You haven’t lost everything. You gained another reason to live…so keep it and stop acting like you’re the only one who has to suffer…that child has no one else to love except you…so don’t pawn her affection off  like it means nothing. Do you understand what a privilege it is? To have someone love you unconditionally? To need you? To not expect perfection from you?”

 Jaejoong felt something inside him shift as he saw the vulnerable look in the other’s eyes. He got up to pull Changmin into a hug, his legs teetering as he wound an arm around the other's shoulders.

He sighed when he felt the other rest his forehead against his shoulder in defeat and slipped another arm around the younger boy’s waist, subconsciously realizing that Changmin was a little taller than Yunho,

 He trailed a hand down his arm comfortingly but frowned when he felt the younger boy wince and jerk away from his grasp, “What’s wrong with you?”

 “Nothing,” The younger boy said, rubbing his arm lightly.

 “What’s wrong with your arm?”

 “I just said it was nothing.”

 Jaejoong frowned and made to reach for his dongsaeng, “I'm sure you behaving like I touched you with a live wire is nothing on most days but I'd really like it if you showed me your arm.”

 “No. Go to sleep. I’m going to bed.” Changmin said as he side stepped Jaejoong’s hand.

 “Changmin, give me your—“

 “No—“The taller man yelped as he felt the older man grip at his sleeve.

 “Show me—!”

 With one final grab and a pull Jaejoong had Changmin sprawled out underneath him on the bed. He grabbed hold of the other’s sleeve and pushed it up, only to find scars as long as his fingers marring the fair skin underneath. Some new, some tragically older.

 He gaped at the angry red and white marks before trailing his horrified eyes up to Changmin’s face; only to find it turned away from him.     He felt the other struggle for freedom under him and groaned miserably before tilting Changmin's chin up in order to look imploringly into the younger one's eyes.

  “Changmin, have you…have you been cutting yourself...?”

 

    **In Heaven**   

Yoochun collapsed on to his knees and shuddered as he felt tears run seamlessly down his cheeks, " Finally...Oh God, finally..."  

He wrapped his arms around his stomach and tried desperately to control the wracking sobs that were now plaguing his entire being.  Save him, Jaejoong-ah, please save him for me...please.  

 

 

 


	10. Reasons

After minutes of unanswered silence, Jaejoong’s eyes roved over the expanse of skin before him; seemingly entranced by the maze of scars that marked Changmin’s forearm. The emotions that plagued him at that point of time were near impossible to control as he waited for some semblance of an explanation from the other’s mouth.

 The younger man, however, glared unblinkingly at a spot just beyond his the other's shoulder and remained as stiff as a board, choosing to ignore the question the other had asked him, believing the answer to be obvious enough.

 “I assumed… I thought…you’d gotten over him already…I really…didn’t know…,” Jaejoong finally said as he glanced back into Changmin’s void eyes. The younger scoffed lightly before pushing the other off of him, “Well you assumed wrong, didn’t you? Either way, go to bed, this is none of your business.”

 Jaejoong stood up and let out a laugh that practically dripped of derision and whispered, “You fucking hypocrite. You're so convenient.. That’s what you should be called. It’s alright for you to act like a preacher and tell me where _I’m_ going wrong but when I even _try_ to care it suddenly becomes none of my business. How thick can you get?  Helping people isn’t a one-sided deal, Changmin. Acting like a martyr isn’t something a person does for a hobby. If you want to help me appreciate what I have in my life then let me help _you too._ ”

 Changmin winced at the escalating timber of Jaejoong’s voice and looked right into the brown of the older man’s eyes challengingly, “What would you like me to say? Huh? That I enjoy inflicting as much pain on myself as possible? That I get some kind of sick, masochistic pleasure out of doing this to myself? That it’s now become a bloody addiction that makes my very being sizzle with at least some bloody amount of _feeling?_ Well then the answer is yes, Jaejoong. A big fucking _yes._ But you know what? You and I aren't the same. You have something to live for...someone. I don't have anyone. I'm just here. I exist and that's all I fucking do. I don't have a purpose, but you do, so stop comparing me to yourself. I'm not nearly as villainous as you seem to think!"

 Jaejoong stared open mouthed at the other for awhile before running a hand through his hair, sighing resignedly.

 He slumped down onto the bed and held out his own arm, indicating for Changmin to do the same and hoping to God that he’d manage to control his temper.

 When the other boy reluctantly held out his own, Jaejoong wound his fingers around his wrist and held on tight, “Explain to me, why you think doing stuff like this,” he said, jerking his head towards the scars, “ is going to help you in some way…and try doing that without the sarcasm, please.”

 Changmin ignored the sneer that underlay the other’s words and chose to analyze his expression first. When he saw nothing but bone-chilling worry and a near desperate need for answers, he felt his heart hammer against his chest with a perilous mixture of guilt, fear and trepidation. He felt his throat convulse as he carefully formulated his next words and muffled a few curses before beginning.

 “At first… It was like the pain inside of me felt so turbulent and out of control… I felt trapped, broken, suffocated and totally and utterly disillusioned. It was as if I told myself that if I can’t have control over the pain inside of me then at least let me control another kind of pain. It was stupid, juvenile even…and something a rebellious teenager would do in their attempt to gain attention, but at that point it was still a step above the vacuum of hollowness I felt in my heart. It made me forget. I could think...for once of something beyond this aching emptiness inside me.”

 “….”

 “ After that, though, it just became a habit of some sort, as if I almost couldn’t bear the thought of not hurting myself…if I didn’t do it then it felt like something was missing.”

 Jaejoong swallowed soundlessly as he rubbed the scars soothingly. He marveled, subconsciously, at how little he had really seen when he looked at the people around him; it left a painful feeling in his heart knowing that for the past five years he’d only seen his own pain and never even glanced at the boy beside him, never wondered what it would have felt like to lose someone at the tender age of eighteen. He’d forgotten that Changmin had always been younger than the rest of them. He’d forgotten that the boy was smarter than them but yet far less experienced in the ways of the world.

 It burned him to know that instead of being there for him, he’d only taken out his anger on him. He should have been there; he should have helped in some way. He may have resented the boy for many things, but he owed it to him to be there for him as his only living friend. He owed it to the other two as well.

  He still remembered Yoochun’s funeral and how he’d basically ignored the other because he was so consumed by his own sense of loss. He’d negated the fact that that boy had lost those same people too…and that he’d suffer so much more because he’d only barely experienced life himself.

 He looked up at the boy and then reached out to hesitantly tuck a stray hair behind his ear. He smiled when Changmin jerked away from him, but waved for the other to continue so that he would have more time to think things through.

 “You told me that you blamed the world for your suffering, Jae, but the difference between me and you lies in that fact alone. While you had others to accuse; I only had myself to blame. I asked myself, “What if I hadn’t made us late?” “What if I’d just forced him to skip college that day?” “What if I’d protected Yoochun inste—“

 “You can stop that last one right there, Shim Changmin,” Jaejoong said softly as he looked at the younger. “If you’d protected Yoochun at that point of time, then he would have been the one suffering right now. So please, don’t you dare say stuff like that…He loved you enough to die for you, Minnie. He would suffer seeing you like this—“

 “And do you think Yunho would enjoy seeing you like this?” The younger boy asked as he glanced over at the older one.

 Jaejoong froze as he felt a million things hit him at one go. He put both his palms on his face and fell back against the soft mattress, choosing to stare up at the ceiling from in-between his fingers, all the while feeling his whirlwind of a mind calm down to a steady thrum, “You’re right. And I can’t do this anymore, Changmin. I really can’t do this…” he muttered with his voice breaking with every passing word.

 “Look, no one made you listen—“

 “Oh for the love of God, would you please _shut up_ for like one damned second! I wasn’t talking about your problems. I was talking about _this_ …” he muttered through a hand as he waved an index finger between himself and the other boy.

  “We need to stop this. _All_ of this. We aren’t teenagers anymore. We have jobs…” Jaejoong stated and  sobbed out the next few words like they were being yanked out of his very soul, “we have fucking responsibilities to uphold; we’ve been like this for five fucking years and it’s so damned exhausting having to be miserable _all the fucking time._ We can’t live like this; we can’t keep destroying ourselves because we think it might change something inside of us. We can’t live life thinking that they might come back to us, because they aren’t, they aren’t coming back and we’re in this fight alone and you know what? It’s scary.  And tiring and frustrating and miserable and so _fucking_ screwed up, but it’s all we’ve got. And—“

 Changmin felt his eyes sting as he heard the words spill out of Jaejoong’s mouth, he reached out and pulled the man into a hug as he lay down beside him and buried his face into his shoulder.

  Jaejoong cried like he hadn’t cried in years; he felt his chest heave with every sob and felt his head grow heavy as he hiccupped and bawled like a child who’d been wounded for the first time. He cried, this time, not for himself alone, but for the boy beside him who’d only cried silently on the inside.

 He sobbed even harder when he heard the younger boy try and soothe him with his own words, “We’ll stop, Jae. I promise. So please stop crying…please…don’t cry…” and wailed helplessly to the Gods to give him enough strength to protect the other from the suffering he’d been through.

 Minutes passed and the two remained trapped in the confines of each other’s pain. Jaejoong bit his lower lip hard enough to draw blood before bringing his lips towards Changmin’s head and placing a tired kiss against it; his sobs slowly dying down to a mere parched throat and a burning heart,  “We’ll get through this together. I’m sorry for not protecting you before, Minnie. I'm so sorry…we’ll take it one step at a time and we’ll fight this to the end. I promise. I promise. You’ll be safe now. Nothing can hurt you now.”

 The younger didn’t notice it then, but the invading sense of calm at hearing those words were really what he’d subconsciously needed all along. Someone to help him take control of his life…just someone to care…someone to notice…and someone to fight by his side without judging him and questioning his reasons and choices.

 Jaejoong on the other hand found a purpose again. For the first time in five years he felt that he could try to move on…because now he had something worth fighting for and someone to fight alongside with.

 The ‘what-if’s and the ‘what could have been’s would come in their plenty; they would question themselves as to why they hadn’t realized all of this before…but maybe the truth of the matter lay in the fact that they’d actually needed this time.  They’d needed the time to look beyond themselves and find each other, instead.

 And that was a fact that neither fate nor their boyfriends in Heaven could refute.

 Yoochun and Yunho for their part stood beside each on the roof top and stared unseeingly into the night, wondering, waiting, hoping for greater things to come.

  “Fate’s running its course…” Yunho whispered.

 “And she’s taking us for all that we’re worth.”

 “Actually—“

 The two spirits whirled around at the foreign voice and spotted a lone figure leaning casually by the door, clad in leather pants and a white flannel shirt.

 “I'm all for gender fluidity and breaking away from gender norms, but I’d really prefer to be called _he,_ if you don’t mind _.”_

 Yunho’s eyes widened as he watched the figure move into the light and could have sworn that had he been alive, he would have died of a heart attack.

 Yoochun’s hands curled along the banister as he recognized the new comer,   “Junsu.”

 The said man smirked wickedly.

 “At your service, Boys.”

 


	11. One Step Closer

 

 Changmin mumbled incoherently when he felt a finger poke at his cheek. He tried, half-heartedly, to swat it away, only to be met by soft laughter and an even softer feeling of someone’s lips against his cheek.

 He opened one eye sleepily and found two pairs of eyes staring back at him. He smiled once he’d identified the mysterious duo, and grabbed onto JiYul , wrapping his strong arms around her waist and hooking his legs over her tiny frame.

 The little girl squealed delightedly before entangling her small fingers in his shirt and pulling at it in hopes of getting the older man up. When he didn’t budge, she looked up at him with big doe eyes that sparkled with every kind of unknown human contentment and traced a finger over his eyelids. Changmin snuggled closer to her and used one hand to pull Jaejoong, who was still watching them, down beside him.

 JiYul shook her head before pulling out of Changmin’s embrace. She lowered herself off from the bed, lightly, before holding out both her arms to the two men lying splayed out on the bed.

 The taller of the two groaned and buried his head into the pillow, “JiYul, Uncle Changmin wants to sleep more…” But JiYul simply continued to remain in the same position and waited patiently for the two men to start moving.

 Jaejoong looked at his daughter in amusement and watched as Changmin stared waveringly into the pleading eyes of the little girl before him, “Why are the two of you‘ll in my room?”

 “We want to go sight-seeing.”

 “It’s like eight in the morning…”

 “Which means we’re already _late.”_

 “Can’t you go on your own?”

 “My brainwashed daughter insists on you being there,” Jaejoong muttered empathetically as he pulled off Changmin’s blanket.

 “Then, please, un-brainwash her and let me go to sleep.” Changmin grumbled and buried his head back into his pillow; grabbing onto the last of the blanket with his feet and refusing to let go.

 The older man rolled his eyes at the display of childishness and looked at JiYul, nodding his head lightly in permission.

 Smiling, she stretched her arms above her head before climbing onto the bed and standing up. Changmin watched her out of the corner of his eyes and glanced at Jaejoong wearily, wondering what on Earth the father and daughter duo were up to. He didn’t have to wait long; especially when the little girl threw herself on top of him and dug her knees into his back.

 “FUCKING OW!”.

 Jaejoong smirked, “Want to get up now?”

 Changmin managed to laugh a little through his haze of pain before rolling over and pinning the little girl beneath him, “Yah, Jung JiYul! Are you trying to kill your future husband, huh?” but all he got was a tiny little giggle as she pointed determinedly at the door, “Jeez…” He mumbled, shaking his head incredulously, “…she’s already demanding things from me…I think I’m going to be one of those slave driven husbands.”

 Jaejoong muffled a laugh and threw a pillow at the younger man, “Hey! Shim Pedo! Get out of bed and take a shower. We’ll go eat at that restaurant that you like so much.”

 “See, if you’d started this conversation with the mention of food, I’d have been up from the beginning,” the younger man stated amusedly as he slid off of the bed and threw the little girl over his shoulders, “Come on, Princess, you can help me pick out my clothes for today.”

  _He would make a great father._ Jaejoong thought as he watched the two disappear. _You would have too._ He added subconsciously as he looked at the ring on his finger for what he prayed would be the last time.

  _Because a love lost is a love that can never come back._ Yunho’s voice echoed in his mind from a dream he had long forgotten.

  _Like a drop of dew that can get lost in the mysterious ocean of life and death._

  _Like the soldier who fought futilely for his one last breath._

  _Moving on never meant forgetting someone or loving them any lesser, it just meant that they had a longer battle to fight than their loved ones; it meant that they had a longer story to tell._

 “Stop looking so contemplative. Intelligence doesn’t suit you.”

 Jaejoong looked up and stared, unfazed, at Changmin, who now rested against the door frame nonchalantly, with his eyebrows cocked up in a silent question.

 “Will you take it off?” The older man asked, solemnly.

   _Pleadingly_.

 “Huh?”

 “Your ring.”

  _Your heart._

 Changmin lifted one corner of his lips in a ghost of a smile before sitting down beside him, “Are you ready to?”

 “If I don’t do it now…then I don’t think I’ll ever do it…and that feeling makes me sick…” Jaejoong said as he watched his daughter battle with a pair of Changmin’s sneakers.

 “Don’t start this again…”

 “Help me…How do I do this? Tell me?” the model as asked his voice cracked under the onslaught of emotions.

 Changmin said nothing as he reached out quietly for Jaejoong’s hand. He held on to it as tightly as he could, in order to reassure the older man, before gently pulling off the simple silver structure.

 The moment wasn’t as life changing as he had expected it to be, nor did it feel like the world had stopped moving or the sun had stopped shining; But there was an inexplicable feeling of loss, of something missing, and that was pretty devastating on its own. A strange fear, an almost certain anxiety.

 There was no permission needed when Jaejoong turned over Changmin’s hand and pulled off the other’s white-gold band. The young business man watched the metal slide easily off of his hand and wondered why something as simple as this felt like a hundred promises broken.

 The two of them stared at their palms that contained proof of the other’s love for another and tried to ignore the feeling of their skins scorching under the imaginary burn of fear.

 Changmin shook his head thoughtfully before getting up and walking towards his suitcase. He rummaged through one of the side pockets and tried desperately not to shed the tears he was so vehemently trying to suppress. When he found Yoochun’s old silver chain, he looped Jaejoong’s ring through it and watched it hang, glistening softly in the light of the morning.

 He heard the older man sigh imperceptibly behind him and turned around to hold out his hand for the other ring.

 Jaejoong handed it over silently and watched as Changmin looped the ring into the chain, letting it drop demurely against the other. The younger man then walked over to where JiYul now stood and hooked the thin chain around her neck, letting the two rings rest against her little chest.

 “JiYul, keep this safe for us, alright?”

 The little girl tilted her head and looked at him inquisitively.

 “It’ll protect you, so you have to keep it safe, okay? Do you promise? Will you keep it safe for me?”

 Jiyul nodded and held out her pinky finger for Changmin to take.

 Jaejoong groaned and waited until JiYul went back to trying to untie Changmin’s shoes, to get up and pull the younger boy into a hug.

 “Do you ever do anything wrong?”

 “I’m friends with you…”

 “Yah!”

 Changmin just grinned at him and pecked him lightly on the corner of his lips, “Let’s go eat.”

 “Shim Changmin, did you just kiss me?”

 “Don’t be disgusting. I just pecked you on the _corner_ of your lips. That means nothing…”

 Jaejoong smirked, “Ehhh…Liar. I know what you’re trying to do. Putting your smooth moves on me…seducing me and all that.”

 “Please just die.”

 “Can you spell ‘denial’?”

 “No but I can spell ‘Idiot’, J.A.E—“

 Changmin got cut off when he felt a pillow hit his face.

 Jaejoong grumbled and walked passed him, “I get it. Now let’s go before I change my mind and try poisoning you instead.”

 “You’re a murderous asshole, you know that?”

 “And you’re a slimy pig. So let’s not get too involved in name calling.”

 “I seriously love you too…”

 “Now say that without the sarcasm, Brat.”

 As a testament to their relationship which had changed repeatedly over the years, it had changed again over the course of the days that had passed between the present and the week before. If anything could be said to define what the two men had now, then it could only be attributed to a pure understanding of one another and an overall acceptance of each other’s imperfections.

 Changmin and Jaejoong still possessed fiery natures that were constantly at odds with each other. But just like the powers of the elements, neither ones’ new found temperament could really exist without the presence of the other.

 Everyone had already bared witness to the one simple fact, and that was that no one had ever seen the other look more alive or more challenged than when they were together.

 But games were meant to be played and life was never designed to be easy, so fate played another card, and he wondered amusingly as to how this little round of blackjack would end for their soul-fighters.

 Junsu looked over them from his balcony; watching how Changmin whispered tell-tale stories in Jiyul’s ears and how Jaejoong burned red in either embarrassment or anger. He felt Yunho and Yoochun hover on either side of him and laughed, “Do you think I should make it easy for them?”

 “Xiah.”

 “Mmm...Don’t answer that…”

 “Junsu.”

 “Please stop calling me by that name. And relax, I’m not that bad, you know?”

 “You’re planning something.”

 “Oh hell yes…but…don’t worry…it’ll only make Jaejoong realize exactly what he wants.”

 “This isn’t some kind of joke. Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

  “Just watch…but first…”

 “What?”

Junsu snorted at Yoochun’s surly tone of voice before looking at the spirit with sharp eyes that practically screamed of every kind of worldly knowledge.

 “How would you like to be alive?”


	12. Xian

  _One Week Earlier_

 “Junsu?” Yunho whispered in shock as he watched the man prowl towards him.

 “How’s this possible?” Yoochun asked as he backed up against the railing, feeling fear invade every part of his spirit for a reason he couldn’t even pin point, let alone acknowledge.

  _Fate,_ as he liked to be called, lifted a cigarette to his lips and took in a deep, long drag of the sultry substance before blowing it out in the general direction of the spirits, “Don’t look so shocked.”

 “I-I…Oh God…H-How…?” Yoochun stammered, eyes dilating in petrified disbelief.

 “Has death made you stupider? Because, honestly… it isn’t a very attractive trait.”

 Yunho frowned at the gibe, “You’re not Junsu.”

 “Oh, well done. At least one of you’ll have managed to get a hold of your brains.”

 “T-Then…what?”

 “My name is Xiah. Or ‘ _Fate’_ as you humans call me. But I am not Jung Junsu.”

 “Where’s my brother?” Yunho demanded nervously.

 “Trapped in his own mind… Sleeping. Dreaming. Resting. But don’t worry. He’s safe.”

 “How?...”

 “Tsk, is that all you can say, Yoochun? Really…I expected you to be a little more impressive…”

 “Answer the question,” Yunho demanded, eliciting an incomprehensible sigh from Xiah.

 “Jung Junsu, in my experience, is probably the most untainted soul on this planet; utterly devoid of any sort of unnecessary hate or jealousy that most other humans possess. This quality of his makes it easier for heavenly mediums like me to make use of him.”

 Yunho gritted his teeth at the nonchalant tone, “You make it sound like my brother is an empty vessel that can just be abused whenever you feel like it.”

 “Even Fate has its rules, Yunho. Calm down. Your brother can’t be _forced_ into doing something that he himself does not believe in. And plus, I can only make use of his body for a little while longer, because eventually his soul will fight back and I will be made to leave for good.”

 “How long have you been doing this?”

 “On and off. Only when physical intervention was necessary to get something done.”

 “So that means…you…”

 “If you’re talking about that incident where Junsu stopped you and Jaejoong from fulfilling that promise of forever…then yes…that was me. Honestly, your brother would have been too nice to actually demand attention from you’ll during your honeymoon …”

 “And now?”

 “What about now?”

 “Why the fuck are you trailing them now?”

 “Don’t get your panties in a twist. My job is to make sure that their stubbornness doesn’t interfere in their greater plan. To make sure that their doubtful minds don’t result in their own destruction.”

 “….”

 “Oh, but don’t worry, Junsu will remember all these actions as his own decisions…he’s stupid enough to not think things over for too long in his mind, anyway.”

 “Don’t you dare call him stupid!”

 “Oooh, temper, temper.”

 Yunho wasn’t sure where his anger at the other being was stemming from. It wasn’t as if the other was trying to provoke him on purpose; but he supposed there was a greater resentment towards him that couldn’t quite be explained with mere words.

 But Yoochun could already tell.

 It was consuming him from within.

 He held Yunho’s arm and looked at Xiah suspiciously, “Did you do it?”

 “Do what?”

 “Get us killed?”

 Xiah stared at both the spirits for a while before breaking out into hoarse laughter, “Oh my God! _So_ that’s why you’ll are acting bitchy? Wow…”

 “Well did you?”

 “No. No I did not get you killed. Life and Death are not my forte…too much paper work involved. What happened to the two of you…was unfortunate…but it had nothing to do with me. Fate and Destiny, we’re siblings born of the same soul. But Death, Death only commands himself.”

 The vague statement did nothing to curb their restlessness, but they both decided to get as much as they could out of the other without trying to annoy him.

 “Why are you really here? You’re Fate, aren’t you? So why aren’t you out meddling with other people’s lives?”

 “Oh. I am. Haven’t you heard of multi-tasking? Sweethearts, I’m only a fraction of my actual self. In a sense…I’m not even actually here…”

 “So? What does this mean? That you’re in our heads?”

 “In your mind, your heart, your imagination, your reality, your nightmare or dream…how does it even matter?”

 Yoochun shook his head wondering whether he would have gotten a headache if he were alive.

  _If you were alive, I doubt you’d even have to be listening to this._

 “Why did you show yourself to us?”

 Xiah smirked, “Because I need your help.”

 

  _Present Day:_

 “How would you like to be alive?”

 Yoochun stared at Xiah, looking completely unfazed, before glancing back at Yunho, only to watch the other’s mouth move silently in utter shock.

 “Why do I get the feeling that you’re being ridiculously subjective?”

 “Ah…There’s the Park Yoochun that we know and love.”

 “Well?”

 Xiah frowned in consideration, “You’re right. The law of the universe does not allow me to give you your life back. However, I never intended for you to come alive at all…instead your job would be to stay by my side and tell me exactly what you would do in a particular situation. Basically… make me…you.”

 “You want me to live _through you?!”_

 “In effect. Yes.”

 “Why can’t you make Yunho do this? Why _me?”_

  _“_ I thought that would be obvious enough. Jaejoong would never even _consider_ looking at Junsu differently. Plus any kind of similarity between the two would just be attributed to them being brothers. So, why on Earth would you even think of that as a likely possibility?”

 Yoochun ground his teeth, “You’re practically playing them. You’re literally fooling around with their bloody lives. Is this a game to you?”

 Xiah growled and looked at Yoochun menacingly, “Don’t piss me off. I have always, _always_ been God’s servant. I never have nor will I ever play _games_ with people. Each person’s story has already been written; my job is to make sure that the stories don’t change.”

 The spirits looked at each other wearily before glancing back at him, “When?”

 He understood.

 “The minute Jaejoong realizes that he’s hopelessly in love with Changmin.”

 “But—“

 “They’ll have to fight their own hearts to get what they want and when Jaejoong finally sees his love for what it is, then the last battle of love will be fought and their stories will weave into the golden threads of eternity. Or so…,” Junsu laughed amusedly, “their tale goes. I should get paid for this crap. Eternity. Love. They're fated alright....but they're far more stubborn than any of us anticipated.”

 But before either of the two could respond to the ambiguity of the prophecy, Junsu’s eyes rolled back into his head and the boy collapsed on to the floor with a dull thud, his breathing evening out into the familiar lull of sleep as Xiah vanished from the constraints of his body.

 “What have we gotten ourselves into?” Yunho asked as he knelt before his brother, hands outstretched in a semblance of a touch.

 “Something dangerous…”


	13. Take It A Step Further

 

 Changmin sat beside Junsu while the older slept fitfully; tossing and turning as his body burned with an over-powering fever.

 Jaejoong returned from the bathroom and placed a bucket of water next to the younger and watched with concerned silence as Changmin placed a fresh towel against the other’s forehead.

 “They found him passed out on the roof?” The model asked, chancing a cursory glance at the couch where JiYul now slept peacefully after their long and tiring day.

 “Yeah…but it’s a good thing someone went up there, he could have died of hypothermia…” the boy replied, shaking his head dismally at that very thought.

 Jaejoong sighed before running a cool hand through Junsu’s soft hair. He leaned down and placed a light kiss on his brother-in-law’s forehead before whispering, “Silly boy…always doing something reckless.’

 Changmin scoffed and pushed the other onto the bed, softly, forcing him to get under the covers, “You aren’t exactly being responsible either, you know? You’ve been awake for nearly forty-eight hours and you’re going to fall sick too if you don’t get some sleep.”

 “What is it with you and pushing me on to the bed? Is this like some psychological cry for sex? Bec—“

 Changmin put a firm hand on Jaejoong’s mouth, “  _Please_. Stop _talking_. Your stupidity is making me feel like my IQ is dropping. Just go to sleep before you pass out.”

 “Aww, is little Changmin worried about me?”

 “Yeah right. I just don’t want my company suffering when people start to think it’s our fault that you look like a malnourished baboon.”

 “Hey!” The older huffed out angrily, “How can you say something like that to me?!”

 Changmin smirked, “Because I’m awesome and you suck.”

 The older one gasped, dramatically, and pulled the younger down on top of him, all the while making sure not to disturb Junsu’s sleeping form.

 He dug his fingers into the other’s sides and muffled a laugh as he heard another uncharacteristically girly squeal emit from Changmin’s pursed lips.

 “I always knew you were just a little, frilly girl on the inside, Minnie.”

 Changmin pulled himself up, growling, with a ready retort in mind, but stopped when he felt Junsu shift beside him and knock him harshly on his elbow, causing him to yelp painfully and crash down on top of the man below him.

 The model groaned and pushed Changmin up lightly, gazing at his pained face; trying haplessly to understand the reason for the sudden quickening of his own heart beat as he felt the other’s warm breath caress his lips in a way that he could only describe as strangely erotic.

  _How long has it been since I’ve been this close or this attracted to another man?_

 He shook his head, trying to get the weird thought out of his mind, but felt something tighten in the pit of his stomach when he heard Changmin moan in pain.

 He could feel the vibrations against his own chest and felt a certain part of him throb in obvious need.

  _Fuck this._

 He groaned and pulled Min down for a soft kiss; ignoring all the warning bells that accompanied that single act of impulse.

 The younger jerked away, his eyes widening in utter shock.

 He glanced down at Jaejoong, whose eyes had now taken a dark undertone beneath the soft glow of the bedside lamp and felt his mind go blank in a sudden onslaught of desire as he felt his blood thrum with pure, unadulterated lust.

He waited for Jaejoong to show some sign of regret or hesitation and moaned when he found nothing but his own lust reflecting back at him.

 He leaned down and placed a soft kiss against the other’s lips, then another and another and another, until he felt Jaejoong laugh huskily and pull his head back down into a searing kiss.

 The older man took hold of the kiss and licked a fine trail along the other’s dry lips, moaning as he tasted the anger of cinnamon and the temptation of dark chocolate.

 Changmin opened his mouth willingly to the plump, red lips that sipped at his own and let the man’s tongue entangle with his in a seductive dance of fire and rain.

  _He tastes like sin._

 His hands curled into the soft sheets as the other did everything in his power to consume him, as if trying to drink him of his very essence and moaned when he felt Jaejoong arch his hips against his own in order to rub their straining erections together.

 He pulled away from the elder’s lips, letting a delicate trail of saliva connect their moist lips and placed delicate, tasting kisses along the column of his milky, sinewy neck, shuddering when he felt Jaejoong bite down on his shoulder, silently begging him to kiss him again.

 “Demanding,” he whispered softly as he brushed his lips against his, allowing their breaths to mingle, tantalizingly, in a way that was far more intimate than any kisses that they’d shared.

 “Always.”

 “What are we doing?” Changmin asked between licking and biting Jaejoong’s swollen lips.

 “I thought you were smart….”

 “You know what I mean.”

 “We’re…living in the moment…”

 “You’re going to regret this.”

 It wasn’t a question.

 “Then we both will.”

 Changmin smirked and ran a hand through the model’s hair, tugging at his locks teasingly and then proceeding to lower his head for another kiss.

 But before he could, he felt a hand cover his mouth and another push his head to one side. He grumbled unhappily and traced the hands back to Junsu, who looked at him through bleary eyes and a puckered brow.

 “Not…allowed.”

 “Huh?”

 Junsu swallowed, trying to soothe his burning throat.

 “Unless…it’s a threesome…not…allowed on the same…bed.”

 With that the sick boy snuffled and snuggled into Jaejoong’s side, rubbing his runny nose on the model’s shirt and mumbling incoherently about threesomes and multiple orgasms.

 Changmin blushed and rolled off of Jaejoong, trying to curb the little bubble of laughter that had lodged itself in his throat as he heard the older man grumble about just having had a bath

 He walked over to JiYul and picked her up before she could roll off the couch and tucked her sleepy head into the crook of his neck.

 “I’ll take her with me to your room. Sleep here in case he needs anything.”

 But before he could turn around, he watched Jaejoong extend both his arms towards him, silently asking for another kiss.

 “Is this going to become a habit?” Changmin asked as he leaned down to place another soft kiss on the older man’s cheek.

 “Lips.” The model grumbled, yanking the younger’s face in the right direction.

 “Needy.”

 “I’ve been deprived for five years. Sue me.”

 Junsu cracked a crusty eye open, “Me too. I haven’t got any in a few months.”

Changmin let out an incredulous laugh before shifting JiYul in his arms and giving Junsu an Eskimo-kiss, causing the other to scrunch up his nose and say something about “choice favorites”.   

 “What am I going to do with you two?”

 “Become our slave.”

 “I think my kissing you has destroyed your brain, Jae.”

 Jaejoong smiled and buried his head into the pillow, “Mmm, and what a wonderful way to become brain dead.”

 Changmin laughed and reached over to switch off the bedside lamp, feeling a strange mixture of warmth and fear creeping up on him.

 He walked over to the main door and turned back one last time to check on the two men, before walking out and closing the hard wooden panel behind him.

 When he put JiYul onto Jaejoong’s bed and tucked her in, he stood up and stared out at the stars, feeling all sorts of incomprehensible emotions flood through him in ways akin to a raging storm.

 He moved into the bathroom and slid quietly down onto the floor, burying his head into his hands and trying to stop himself from breathing impossibly hard.

 He didn’t know what was happening to him. He didn’t know what was changing. But the one thing that he did realize was that nothing was ever going to be the same again.

 The vault like structure that he had consciously built around the broken pieces of his heart was slowly coming undone and for whatever unknown reason, he couldn’t do a thing to stop it

 What he had with Jaejoong, was not love, nor was it indifference. It was a blatant attraction that could at any moment in time become something so much more.

 And that thought terrified him to the very epicenter of his being.

 


	14. Dysfunctional Just Got Dysfunctional

4 Months Later:

**Seoul**

 Jaejoong stared intently at the camera as it practically devoured every inch of his exposed torso. He leaned back against the soft cushions of the divan and brought his fingers to lie just a centimeter above his lips, as if beckoning all those around him to see but never touch.

 Changmin stood quietly in the shadows of the photoshoot, leaning back against the dusty wall with an almost feline like grace. He shut his eyes against the obvious temptation and smirking when he could practically feel Jaejoong glance up at him, as if already sensing his presence.

 He waited patiently for the other to finish and held out a soft linen towel as the man walked up to stand in front of him.

 “You’ve successfully managed to needle yourself into every single man’s wet dream. Well done.”

 “I try.”

 Changmin shook his head amusedly before walking out after Jaejoong.

 “So?”

 “Hmm?”

 “Where’s Jiyul?”

 “Junsu’s house.”

 “Bring her back here sometime. I feel like I haven’t seen her in ages.”

 “You saw her the day before.  I swear to God. The two of you are inseparable. She asks for you almost all the time. It’s nauseating.”

 Changmin scoffed before glancing down at the older man, “You’re just jealous because your daughter loves me more than she loves you. There’s a word for that, actually, it’s called..oh yeah..DENIAL.”

 “Oh, please. Stop deluding yourself.”

 “Fine. We’ll make her choose who she loves more.”

 “No thank you.” The model stated emphatically, walking down the hallway to his dressing room.

 “Ha! I’m right.”

 “Whatever…”

 And?”

 “What?”

 “How was your date last night?”

 “Ah..” Jaejoong trailed off, grinning, “He seems nice.”

 “Don’t make me sound like a girl.”

 “Fine. It was AMAZING. He was…gentle...and very very sweet…plus, he could hold an entire conversation together without having to talk about himself.”

 Changmin smiled as they opened the door to Jaejoong’s dressing room, “A definite keeper then.”

 “Mhmm, I guess.”

 “You know, there's something I wanted to talk to you about. I wasn’t sure for a while and t’ve thought about this for a long time but there’s someone that I want to try dating…I’ve already asked him and he’s said yes–“

 But before he could finish, Jaejoong had him pinned to one of the counters, his mouth hard and wet against his own.

 “Jae—“ The younger groaned as he felt the other bite his lower lip and break through the seam of his lips with his tongue, only to have it entangle with his own; he could feel their breaths melding into a dance that was clearly a mix of familiarity, deceit and over-whelming passion, “Jaejoong…stop…it.”

 Again and again…why doesn’t he understand how destructive this is…? He’s going to destroy us both.

 “Shut up.”

 The younger winced as the model pulled his head back by his hair, devouring his mouth as if it were his last meal.

 Changmin placed both his hands on Jaejoong’s shoulders and pushed him away, breaking their kiss off sharply, “You have seriously got to stop doing that!”

 “What’s the big deal?”

 “No. Jaejoong. You’ve been doing this a lot, lately.”

 Jaejoong scoffed and slumped down onto one of the make-up chairs, “It’s just kissing, Changmin. Grow up.”

 “ Seriously? What is wrong with you? I think you’ve got all of this backwards. Kissing me after every date that you or I go on isn’t going to make anything easier, alright?”

 “I just like kissing you. What is the big fat deal?”

 The model was tired of having this conversation again. It was like a disease that kept permeating through almost every inch of their relationship. Why on Earth couldn’t he make the other understand?

 “No. What you like, Jaejoong, is trying to curb whatever sense of weird guilt that you feel going out with someone by kissing me and bringing yourself back into a zone that you’re comfortable with.”

 “You act like we’ve been dating for years.”

 “We may not have been dating for years, Jaejoong, or dating at all, for that matter, but we’ve known each other for ten years and that’s probably why you feel like you need to be close to me. I give you the familiarity that you need…”

 “Why do we have to date other people anyway? Why can’t we just be this?” Jaejoong asked, waving his finger between the two of them.

 “Because, Jaejoong, we've talked about this! This is nothing but an excuse, we're nothing but an excuse.”

 “Are you punishing me? Is that it?”

 Changmin groaned and ran a hand through his hair, “Punishing you for what?”

 “For telling you that we couldn’t start a relationship? For not giving in to what you wanted?”

  **Flashback:**

  **4 months ago – Zurich**

 “Jaejoong!”

 “No, Min. I’m serious.”

 Changmin had spent the night thinking about it, unable to shake off the feeling of the kiss or what it meant to the both of them.

 He came to a semblance of a conclusion somewhere between three in the morning and six, but it was one that he was pretty uncertain about. He couldn’t make himself be a part of a relationship that was purely physical, it was not something he was willing to do.

 He hadn’t waded through five years of dysfunctional behavior to start something as dysfunctional soon after.

 No.

 If he and Jaejoong were going to start something, then it would be on a clean slate.

 He was willing to work on their relationship if it had a place to go, but he wasn’t willing to start something potentially destructive.

  “Why? Why can’t we just start dating each other?”

 “What are you? A child? Does wanting to get into a physical relationship with someone necessarily equate to wanting to date them?”

 “I am not going to start a clichéd ‘friends with benefits’ kind of relationship, Hyung. I refuse to do it.”

 “And I refuse to date you. I’m not going to ruin what we have. I'm just not ready to invest in you like that.”

 “…Then why don’t we start dating other people? Nip this whole thing in the bud. I refuse to start something I know I'm uncertain about from the get go and frankly I think that's best for the both of us.”

  **End Flashback**

Jaejoong didn’t speak to him at all for the next few weeks, calling him a coward under his breath and trying in his own way to understand why on Earth he was so bothered by Changmin’s inability to understand his point of view.

 But once the model turned over the boy’s arguments in his head, they began to make more sense and soon enough, he grudgingly admitted to the sensibilities of the younger one's perception.

 So, see them he did.  One after the other, each better than the one before…but they still left a bitter taste in his mouth; something that lay in between out dated whiskey and an under dose of beer.

 A taste that only a certain Shim Changmin was capable of getting rid of.

 Each potential relationship now had a pattern; A pattern that was getting increasingly harder to break.

 If Jaejoong enjoyed his dates. He kissed Changmin.

 If Jaejoong hated his dates. He kissed Changmin

 If he liked Changmin’s dates. He kissed him..

 If he hated Changmin’s dates (which was almost always the case). He kissed him.

 “No. I’m not punishing you…”

 “Then why won’t you just let us go slow and live with what we have? Why do you want a relationship with me, when we can be everything without a name??

 Because you’re scared.

 Because I can’t be a replacement for Yunho.

 Because I want to find a new kind of happiness without the both of us being trapped in the past.

 Because you and I will only feed off of each other until the both of us are nothing more than shadows of who we want to be.

 Because…

 “ Because in the end we’ll trickle down to nothing but hatred and bitter regret.”

 “Changmi—“

 “No. Just…no.  If you and I …it doesn't matter now... but if you’d just have let me finish earlier…I wanted to tell you that I’m going on a date this weekend and I feel…I feel like it can actually go somewhere…”

 Jaejoong turned away from the younger and stared at his reflection in the mirror, fighting down the urge to get up and yell at the other for being so stubborn and incomprehensible.

 “Jae? Don’t you want to know who it is?”

 “…”

 When Jae remained stiff and unyielding, Changmin sighed and turned towards the door, ready to leave and let the other wallow in whatever version of self-pity he was feeling.

 “Who?”

 “…” He turned the door knob.

 “Who, Changmin?” Jaejoong looked up, suddenly feeling a foreign fear settle in the pit of his stomach, “Who?”

  ‘…Junsu.”


	15. Five Steps From The Truth

 

 It wasn’t as if Changmin expected Jaejoong to take it all in a stride; but he hadn’t expected for things to go the way they did.

 His decision to date Junsu was something he’d decided purely on the basis of simple judgment. Junsu was attractive, had a good sense of humor and cared about him…what more could he possibly need?

 But obviously, Jaejoong’s perceptions of Changmin’s decisions differed drastically.

 “No,” the older man stated bluntly after minutes of having stared blankly at a spot above the other’s right shoulder.

 “I didn’t ask you for your permission.”

 “Good. Because I wasn’t planning on giving it. You cannot date Junsu. It isn’t an option.”

 The younger of the two rolled his eyes at this and folded his arms across his chest in an apt demonstration of total and utter defiance, “And pray tell, why the hell not?”

 “What do you mean ‘why’? You’re obviously still at an unstable point in your life. Plus, I don’t want you playing around with my Brother-in-law’s feelings just because you feel potentially obligated to swing from one man to another. I don't want someone so blatantly stuck in the past to date Junsu.”

 With a head filled with consuming and inexplicable fears, Jaejoong failed to note the look of hurt that flashed across the other’s face.

 Changmin laughed a little bitterly.

  _The reason why you can never give us a chance…the reason why I can never hold a place equal to Yunho’s in your life…is because it’s YOU who hasn’t been able to let go of the past._

  _The fact that you still call Junsu your Brother-in-law shows that in your mind you’re still married to Yunho and that it never actually ended for you._

  _You finally showed me the reason why we can never be good enough for each other…the reason why we would end in nothing but tragedy…and I can’t be Yunho. I won’t be. I REFUSE to be._

 “Lucky for me, Jae, I don’t have to listen to you,” Changmin sneered before wrenching the door open and walking out, clutching one hand to his chest as if trying to stop his heart from tearing into a million pieces.

 “Changmin!” Jaejoong yelled, chasing after him as a sudden feeling of suffocation gripped his lungs, “Stop!”

 “NO!” Changmin yelled and whirled around to find Jaejoong standing five feet away from him, “ _You_ stop.”

 When Jaejoong simply stared back at him in shocked silence, Changmin felt tears well up in his eyes, “What do you want from me, Huh? What more could you possibly  _want?!_ ”

 “…”

 “Do you even _know_?”

 “Changmin, I—“

 “What, Jaejoong? You what?!‘

 Jaejoong couldn’t stand it anymore, “What do you want me to say, huh? God damn it, Min. I don’t want to start a relationship. And I don’t _care_ about how dysfunctional that is! I don’t know how to deal with you!!…I’m the one who doesn’t know what _you_ want! Why are you over-reacting? Why are you making it out to be as if you’re in love with me and that I’m breaking your heart?!—“

 Something broke inside Changmin at that point. A dam that had been built precisely over the course of ten years, a dam that held a flood of secrets and years of lying…coming crashing down with a force that could equal the strength of the Gods.

 “MAYBE BECAUSE I _AM, HYUNG_!!  MAYBE BECAUSE YOU ARE!”

 If words could have described that particular moment in time, then words would be far more of a powerful tool than the world thought imaginable.

 Changmin’s heart nearly failed him the minute those words came out of his mouth, and if Jaejoong’s expression were any indication, then the other was feeling just as caught off guard.

  “I-I…” the younger stuttered, taking a step back from the other man.

 “Changmin…” he heard the model call out silently, his voice dropping down to an uncertain whisper, “I-I… don’t…”

 “You don’t have to say anything…I didn’t mean…not like…”

 “No. No…I…please understand…me…I don’t feel that way about you…I…”

 With hands clenched into shaking fists and a heart bleeding with every kind of torturous confusion, Changmin let out a pained chuckle, “You aren’t obligated to either. _Fuck. Just fuck._  So please…at least for awhile…leave me alone. I need to think…fuck I don’t know why I said that…but I beg you. Leave me be. Just leave me alone. I need to think.”

 “I..I..can’t…”

 “Then I’m going to die.”

 Jaejoong’s head shot up, his ears not failing to catch the hint of truth behind those ill spoken words.

 “You’re killing me. Every second that I’m around you is taking a bit of my soul away …and I don’t even know why…I’m not …I’m not strong enough for this…I don't even understand why after all these fucking years. I thought...I thought I could forget, you know. We tried so fucking hard. The two of us. And just ...just when things were working out...just when there wasn't a single thought of you..everything...it just...I can't live like this. I can't take it anymore. I can't handle this. I'm just...I'm not built for this. So please, don't call me, don't speak to me...just....let this be the end...”

 “Changmin!” The older yelled as he watched the other walk away from him once more.

  _When did we…how did we become so fucked up? So dependant…_

 Yunho and Yoochun stood in between their former lovers, each looking into the eyes that once held immeasurable love and happiness and felt their hearts break for a time that once was.

 “Yunho…”

 “Mm?”

 “Do you want to know a secret…?”

 Hearing the pain behind that question, he turned to look at Yoochun, who did nothing but stare at the retreating back of his lost love.

 “A secret?”

 “Changmin has always… _always_ loved Jaejoong…”

 “…what are you saying…?”

 Yoochun chuckled, and Yunho felt whatever was left of his heart break away into speckles of dust, “He’s actually never admitted it out loud. Well not when he was sober at least. Way before you…way before us…way before anything…Changmin always had eyes for Jaejoong… but at that time Jaejoong only saw you and nothing else…”

 “…”

 “He told me that it was love at first sight for him. All those instances when Changmin would whisper in your ear to piss Jaejoong off, he’d do it just so that Jaejoong would acknowledge him…just give him something that he would never give to you…and that was enough for him…”

 “But how? You and him…”

 “Started off as a lie. A lie that only I knew of. “

 “…”

 “He told me everything one night when we’d both gotten drunk at Jessica’s birthday party. He cried so much and I told him that if he needed anyone to lean on…then he’d always have me… and so we…did stuff together…experimented with each other…but his heart always belonged to Jaejoong…and the best part of it was that he never even realized it.”

 “But he loved you…I know he did…Yoochun…he did…”

 “Tell me something, Yun. When do the lines between love and dependency blur…? When does convenience start to become second nature…? Changmin…sometimes I feel like I brainwashed him into thinking that he loved me…I tried to make him, at least consciously, forget Jaejoong because of my own selfish motives…”

 “Yoochun, he may have loved Jaejoong…but—”

 “Does, Yunho. _Does.”_

  _“_ You were everything to him, Chunnie. He did love you…maybe not at the beginning…but he did…”

 “Or maybe he forgot,maybe I did too...but you’re right…he did love me just as I loved him…our love was probably the strongest in the world. And yet he always claimed that I saved him… that I kept him sane...but what he failed to realize was that we were reflections of each other…untold stories that stared into each other’s eyes but merged to form nothing more than an illusion of what could have been real…”

 Yunho looked up to find Yoochun looking at him with an expression that held the paleness of something hidden and the brokenness of something lost.

 “Do you know why, Yun? Do you know why we were so alike?”

 “…Why…?”

 “Because we both fell in love with the two people in the world that would never love us as much as we loved them...because at the end of it all…those two people loved each other more than they could ever love us…”

 By the time the words could sink into Yunho’s mind, Yoochun had vanished into the depths of heaven, earth and hell; leaving the other to stand beside Jaejoong and feel an emotion that he’d never once felt before, engulf his entire being.

 Xiah watched the scene unfold from the corner of the passageway, leaning his head back against the cooling surface of the wall as his story fell into place.

  _Soon... Soon, those that were wronged will find a path to right themselves... and Love and Fate will reconcile once more._


	16. It Did and It Does

 

 Changmin stood beside the cold, grey grave-stone; with Seoul’s harsh rain fading to a bone-chilling drizzle that reminded him of all the reasons he should never have believed that some things could last.

 If the tears burned his cheeks like lava, then, Life burned his insides like an angry, vengeful fire that could only be called Love.

 “You promised me, Yoochun. Your promised me that I’d never have to find out what this felt like. You promised me that you’d keep my heart together. Why aren’t you here with me? Why aren’t you saving me? Why aren’t you keeping me together?”

  **Flashback:**

 “Stop looking at them if it hurts so much,” Yoochun growled softly, placing a hand on the younger boy’s shoulder, trying in his own way to turn away from the sight that burned him to his core.

 He’d spent a good half hour watching Changmin gaze longingly at Yunho and Jaejoong. He watched helplessly as the other’s knuckles turned white while they gripped onto the sides of his desk, as if trying to stop something within him from destroying him.

 “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Let’s go get some lunch; I heard that they’re serving up Japanese food at the canteen.”

 Yoochun rolled his eyes at Changmin’s blatant lie and shook his head at the other’s priorities before following the younger out of the classroom.

 “Did you have fun at Jessica’s party last night?”

  “Drugs, Alcohol and an all you can eat buffet? Why in the hell wouldn’t I have had fun?” Changmin asked, trying deliberately not to flinch at the veiled gibe.

 “Is that Shim Changmin trying to be a bad ass? Ooomph, I’m like SO turned on right now!” Yoochun mocked as he fanned himself deliriously at the prospect, laughing when Changmin elbowed him in his ribs.

 He grabbed hold of the taller boy in a vice like hug when the other struggled and pouted miserably at the injustice of having been made fun of and placed a wet kiss against his red cheeks.

 “I hate you.”

 “Sweetheart, you could barely stand straight after a single shot of whiskey. And getting high on drugs is most definitely not your thing. Food on the other hand…”

 “Fine. I went there for the food. But I will prove you wrong about the drinking bit…I’m in a total mood today. So let’s go to a pub and I’ll show you what I’m made of.”

 “So badass.”

 “Go fuck yourself.”

 “But I’d rather fuck you~.”

 Changmin gagged playfully at the greasiness behind that statement and ran away from the other, laughing hysterically as Yoochun yelled out for him to come back.

 “Don’t leave me, my sugar plum fairy! I need to proclaim my undying love to you!!”

 “Go to hell Yoochun!!”

 “But how can I? When I know heaven’s inside of you!!!”

 Changmin turned around at that terribly suggestive comment and held up his middle finger to show the other exactly what he thought of it.

 “Oh yes, Baby, bring it to me!”

 “You’re insufferable.”

 “But you love me this way!”

 “As if!”

 Changmin shook his head in amusement and headed down the lawn towards the canteen; He heard Yoochun run up beside him and gasped when he felt the other turn him around with a serious expression marring his usually uncaring demeanor.

 “Go out with me.”

 “Where? We still have afternoon—“

 “No. I mean start DATING me.”

 The younger of the two frowned as memories of the previous night flooded his mind in ways that could only make him feel sick to his stomach.

 “Look, I don’t remember much about last night—“

 “Don’t lie to me. You remember every word that you said and everything that you did. But I’m not going to force you to re-live last night. I’m not that cruel. I do want to help you move on, however. I want to help you forget him.”

 “I seriously do not know what you’re talking about. I don’t have anyone to get over—“

 “Right. Okay. Whatever you say…but please, Changmin, go out with me…date me…we can be so much more if we’re together…we can help each other…”

 “What are you talking about?”

 “I know that you’re going to deny this…but, I believe that people who have only one half of their hearts to give, can join together to form a whole.”

 “…”

 “ We can be that, Changmin…we can make each other whole again…”

 “I—“ Changmin stuttered, his mind forming conflicting thoughts of right and wrong.

 Yoochun shook his head and smirked, trying desperately in his own characteristic way to lighten the situation.

 “Shim Changmin, If I were to ask you out on a date… Would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?”

 “No, I mean yes, I mean no…wait…damn that’s a good one.”

 “I know right? I nicked it off the internet.”

 “Very cool of you.”

 “Thanks.”

 Changmin stared at Yoochun, his heart pounding painfully in his chest as he watched the sun reflect off of the other’s wavy hair.

 Yoochun would save him.

 He would save Yoochun.

 Apart, they were alone.

 Together they formed a whole.

 He’d found his answer. His happiness.

 “Alright. But you’re buying me lunch today.”

 “Done.”

 “Your job is to now feed me for every single day of my life.”

 “Done.”

 “You will promise to love and cherish me until eternity and keep my heart firmly together so long as I am alive.”

 “I promise.”

 “Good. Now go get me a plate of Udon and Hitsumabushi.”

 “Aye aye Captain!”

 “Away with ye! Ye scurvy dog!”

 “People are looking at us.”

 “No they aren’t.”

 “WHAT? YOUR LIVES BORING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU’LL?” Yoochun screamed loudly as he watched a bunch of first years pass by them.

 “Now they are.”

  **End Flashback.**

 Changmin fell to his knees with a gut-wrenching sob as he felt so many more memories flood his mind.

 It hurt.

 It burned, it tore, it scalded, it feared, it hated…this horrible love of his.

 “I love him, Chun. I love him so much …but he doesn’t care…no one does!”

 “I care.”

 The eerily quiet voice caused the younger boy to turn around and stare into Xiah’s nearly vacant eyes.

 “Wha—What are you doing here?”

 “I h-heard what you said…I just came here to pay my respects to my brother…and I saw you…”

 “I’m sorry,” Changmin croaked out, his throat raw from his own hapless screaming, “I don’t know what you heard but…”

 “You love Jaejoong.”

 If it hadn’t been so simply said, Changmin would have found a hundred ways to deny that statement, but instead chose to jerk his head in the affirmative.

 “But he loves Yunho…”

 “I know that.”

 “Then tell me why I choose to continue to break my own heart? Give me an answer! Tell me what I’m doing wrong?!”

 “Just stop feeling, then.”

 The young businessman looked into Xiah’s eyes and laughed bitterly,” You think I haven’t tried? You think I haven’t done everything possible to fight it…to move on…?”

 “…”

 “ Yoo—Yoochun used to tell me that you could close your eyes to things that you didn’t want to see, but—“

 “You could never close your heart to things you didn’t want to feel,” Xiah finished for him as he ran a hand through the other’s hair.

 Changmin nodded tiredly before looking away, trying desperately not to lean in to the comfort of the warm hand that now brushed lightly across his wet cheek.

 “Let me put you back together, Min…Let me be the one to save you this time…”

 “No…not again…never…again…”

 Xiah looked to his left and stared into the listless eyes of Yoochun, who now stood beside him looking so far gone that neither hell nor heaven could persuade the other to form a rational thought.

 Change of plans.

 The ghost felt the world tilt on its axis and his form burn like those of a thousand knives. He keeled to his side and moaned in pain, trying desperately to hold whatever was left of his soul together as it fought to disintegrate.

 When Changmin turned back around to face the now silent Junsu, he found himself looking into the eyes of someone very very familiar.

 “Junsu…?”

 “I’m back, Minnie Mouse…”

 Changmin stared horror-struck as his mind tried to catch up with what was happening in front of him. Disbelief, as plain as day, drifted across his face, while he comprehended the idiocy of what he had just believed had had happened.

 “Impossible. Not… possible. It can’t be…”

 “Minnie—“

 “I’m going home.”

 Changmin ignored the ridiculous sense of familiarity he felt as he gazed into those eyes and turned away, only to be stopped by a warm hand against his damp arm.

 Safe.

 It feels so fucking safe.

 “Minnie. It really is me. It’s me, Changmin.”

 “Don’t touch me,” the younger whispered as he backed away from ‘Yoochun’, “This is crazy. You’re Junsu. Yoochun’s dead. Stop playing games with my head…”

 Hysteria bubbled up inside him like a vicious, injured snake, as he watched a play of fear, confusion, understanding and love gleam in the other’s eyes; a near perilous combination of what Yoochun’s eyes once held for him.

 “I-I…”

 “You used to call me Micky,” Yoochun started, finally understanding what Xiah had done and feeling an almost over-powering feeling of abnormality engulf his soul, “You used to like it when I sang ‘Midhuyo’ to you.”

 He winced as he felt the now unfamiliar feeling of a heart beating relentlessly against his chest and looked appealingly into Changmin’s distraught eyes; breathing heavily as he attempted to control his own tumult of emotions.

  “Our first “normal” kiss as a couple happened in the campus book-store, when you pushed me up against one of the book-stalls in order to get me to shut me up,” He continued, “ You have a secret hobby of reading Harlequin romance novels in the bathroom. You tell everyone that you love the color blue, but in actuality love red because it reminds you of the hearts on your favorite pair of pajamas. The last thing I said to you before I died was “Of course”, when you reiterated that I loved you despite your “weird” eating tendencies,” he sobbed, his voice cracking as he pleaded for the other to see, to understand, “You used to leave little notes for me on the bathroom mirror after you showered, especially if you weren’t talking to me and—“

 Yoochun gasped when Changmin pressed his tear-wetted lips against his own- in a fierce, possessive, mind-numbing, soul-destroying kiss, which left him shaking at his knees and his heart.

 He moaned with torturous longing as the other peppered desperate, mournful, bitter-sweet kisses along his neck, cheeks and forehead.

  “How? Your back. Your back. Your back. Your back,” Changmin whispered between heart-wrenching sobs.

 You have to leave soon. Xiah’s voice echoed sympathetically in Yoochun’s mind.

 This is an injustice against the law of nature.

 Tell him what he needs to hear.

 Let him move on.

 Show him that he needs to fight for what he wants.

 Soon Yoochun…

 Yunho’s looking for you…

 “Min, Minnie, listen to me. I love you, Baby. So much,” Yoochun said quietly as he held Changmin’s face in his hands, “But I can’t stay. This is Junsu’s body, Sweetheart. I can’t stay.”

 “No! You can’t leave me again!” The younger shouted, his eyes taking on a wild look, his body shaking in total and utter denial.

 “Listen to me, Min. I don’t have much time. But you need to fight, Baby. You need to win Jaejoong’s heart.”

 “I want you! I need you!!”

 “Stop shouting, Shim Changmin! You damn well better listen to me, you stupid, stubborn man! You.Love.Jaejoong and it’s about fucking time that you stop running away from that fact. What we had was amazing…strange…unreal…and special…but something that should never have happened. You belong with Jaejoong, Min. You and he will make miracles together…” Yoochun whispered as he kissed away a stray tear from the corner of Changmin’s eyes, “I’m not your eternity, Love. I never was.”

 Changmin felt a part of his soul rip off from him as he leaned his forehead against Yoochun’s, breathing in the other male’s scent and trying desperately to remember what once was, “You don’t smell like you…”

 “Because I’m not me, Baby. I’m gone. My time’s over…”

 The younger closed his eyes to this.

 He breathed in shallow gulps of air and tried to stall the other as much as he possibly could, trying in his own desperate way to fight for something he knew he couldn’t possibly have.

 “What is it like up there?”

 “Heaven?”

 “Mmm?

 “It’s like…music, Min…exactly like music.”

 “Are you picking fights up there too?”

 “…No…”

 Changmin laughed, already knowing the answer.

  “More importantly, do they have food?”

 Yoochun bit his lip and buried his head against Changmin’s shoulder, laughing.

 He laughed so hard that he felt his sides hurt and his eyes burn with tears of mirth.

 God did he miss it.

 Miss feeling alive.

  “Lots of food.”

 Changmin wanted this.

 So much more of this.

 The over-whelming feeling of belonging.

 The feeling of coming back home.

 “Stay for a little while longer…please?”

 No, it’s time, Yoochun. You have to go.

 “I have to leave, Min. It really is time.”

 “Will I see you again?”

 “In another eighty years, maybe. But I doubt that you’d even want to see me then. And that’s okay, Minnie…It’s okay to let go now. Be happy, Sweetheart.”

 “Promise me. Promise me that in our next lives we’ll be together. You and me. Us against the world. ,” Changmin pleaded desperately, grabbing hold of the other’s hands and holding them up to his mouth.

 “Hell, Min, we’ll be inseparable. Mark my words. Nothing will come between us.”

 “I love you, Micky Mouse,” Changmin said after a quiet pause, “You’re everything to me…my family, my best friend and my lover.”

 “Liar,” Yoochun said as he tilted his head back, feeling the rain drops burn his skin alongside those of his hidden tears.

 He smiled forlornly as the once familiar words rang false for the first time in their short lifetime.

 “I love you too, Minnie Mouse. More than forever and a little less than eternity. I love you too.”

 Changmin pulled Yoochun into a hug as the other cried.

 He whispered broken promises into the other’s ears as Junsu’s body slowly began to get heavier and heavier with each passing minute.

 “Go to Jaejoong,” were the last words he heard before Yoochun disappeared from Junsu’s body, leaving the other to slump unceremoniously into Changmin’s arms, breathing heavily in exhaustion and mind-numbing pain.

 “Fuck, this has been happening a lot lately,” Junsu’s hoarse voice croaked out as the boy hung carelessly over Changmin’s right arm, shivering as his wet clothes molded against his back.

 “How are you feeling?” The taller of the two asked, swallowing the sobs that now wanted to break free from within his tortured soul.

 “Fabulous. Like fucking Usain Bolt. Thanks for asking,” Junsu replied sarcastically, “Why are we out here in the rain anyway?”

 “You came to visit Yunho’s grave and you sort of fainted right after.”

 “Honestly…” Junsu whispered under his breath.

 “Do you want me to drop you off at your place? You walked here didn’t you?”

 “Yeah, but I was actually planning on heading to Jaejoong’s. Could you drop me off there?”

 “Go to Jaejoong,”

 Yoochun’s last words resounded through his mind.

 No more running.

 “Sure.”

 Junsu smiled and latched on to Changmin’s arm in glee, “Come on, handsome. Let’s go get you your love-bug.”

 “What?”

 Xiah jolted in surprise as he stood beside God and looked down at Junsu, “He could tell?”

 Junsu smiled up at Changmin, “Yoochun can be right sometimes too, you know.”

 

 

 


	17. Mine

 Jaejoong sat curled up in a white arm chair, his sweatshirt too big for him and his sweatpants too long, a cigarette in one hand and a muggy glass in the other. Almost thoughtfully, he placed the cool rim of the glass against his mouth and allowed the whiskey to slip past his lips and into the warm heat of his nearly numb mouth.

 He felt confused and a little bit angry at Changmin for having cut so seamlessly through whatever foundations they’d built their relationship on. It annoyed him that it wasn’t the careless nonchalance he’d expected but rather a potent, near desperate need for reason, for truth, for relief and explanation that was now invading every corner of his dull mind.

  _“MAYBE BECAUSE I AM!!  MAYBE BECAUSE YOU ARE!”_

 Those words resounded like a knell in his mind. Like pain, like death, like fear, like love, like hate, like _caring._

 Jaejoong questioned himself and wondered whether what he felt for Changmin was love.

  _How could it be? When love was Yunho._

  _There are different kinds of love too, right?_

  _Then what if I don’t have to love them the same way…_

  _What if…_

 He jerked out of his thoughts when he heard the door bell ring.

 He groaned miserably and headed almost grudgingly to the door in hopes that if he took long enough that the person behind it would take the hint and leave.

 Apparently, though, luck wasn’t on his side.

 Ever.

 Jaejoong opened the door and found Junsu staring at him, looking strangely bright eyed, flushed and cheery.

 “Hi!”

 “Go home,” The older replied, trying to shut the door in the other’s face.

 “You know…It’s considered rude to turn away guests who are hungry, cold and uncomfortably wet,” Changmin said softly and watched in sadistic satisfaction as the other turned his shocked gaze towards him.

 “Y-you? W-why are you here?”

  _To make you see._

  _To make you feel._

  _To make you mine._

 “I just came here to see Jiyul, relax.”

 The older man gaped as Changmin pushed passed him to call out for his daughter, who in turn ran out of her play room, looking utterly excited at the prospect of seeing Changmin and threw herself unceremoniously on top of the other’s crouched figure and  hugged him tightly.

 Jaejoong flinched as a sudden pang of envy coursed through him and turned away from the sight that made him want to cry out helplessly and hit Changmin simultaneously.

 Junsu smirked at the play of emotions on his Hyung’s face before shutting the door behind him, “He’ll make an amazing father, won’t he?”

 Jaejoong grimaced before turning to look at him, “Why are you here?”

 “Can’t I visit my brother-in law when I want to?”

 “Don’t give me that bullshit; you never come over unless you want something.”

 Junsu sighed before shaking his head in amusement, “You think so low of me. But I guess you’re right. I came here to warn you.”

 “About what?”

 “Changmin," he whispered in a strangely distant tone.

 “Huh?”

 “I’m going to take him away from you. I’m going to make him mine.”

 Jaejoong choked and stared at Junsu in something that resembled anger, trepidation and an all consuming feeling of uncertainty.  It was only then that he saw the kiss mark on the other’s upper lip and felt his heart thump against his chest in an almost unfathomable level of anger and jealousy.

 He pushed Junsu into the kitchen and grabbed hold of his collar in an angry grip, “You kissed him?!”

 “Over and over and over again. He’s amazing at it too. And that thing that he does with his tongue—“

 “He’s MINE!” Jaejoong hissed, tightening his hold on the other and shaking him roughly. The thought of Changmin kissing Junsu made him burn from the inside, it made him seethe like an angry flame that did nothing but render him murderous and irrational. Why was he like this? What was wrong with him? One second Changmin meant nothing and the other he meant everything? When had his feelings started changing? When had he started to want to monopolise the younger? 

 “He’s not yours, Jaejoong.”

 “...”

 Junsu’s lips twitched in amusement, “How delusional of you. I cannot believe that you think you can have him despite your refusal to love him.  He isn’t yours to take. Well, at least not until you claim him as yours. And since you refuse to, I guess I get to keep him instead.”

 Jaejoong snapped, “You don’t get to keep him, alright? You just stay the hell away from him!”

 “So that you can what? Break his heart over and over again until you leech him of whatever spirit that he possesses? Sorry, Jae. But I’m not going to let that happen.”

 Jaejoong yelped in pain as Junsu smacked his hands aside and watched horrified as the younger walked towards Changmin.

 “Changmin, get up.”

 Changmin frowned at the curt tone in other’s voice before telling JiYul to go set up her toys for them to play with. He straightened up from his crouched position and waited for Junsu to continue, glancing worriedly at Jaejoong who now stood leaning against the kitchen door with a terrified look marring his face.

 “Jaejoong has five seconds.”

 “Huh?”

 “He has five seconds to decide whether he’s finally willing to stop being stubborn and proclaim his blatantly obvious love for you and if he doesn’t, then I’m going to kiss you right here, right now and make you mine.”

 Changmin fought an incredible urge to roll his eyes and cocked an imperceptible brow at Junsu, who in turn winked conspiratorially back at him as if asking him to play along.

 “Junsu—“

 “1…”

 “Seriousl---“

 “2…”

 “I swear to God, Junsu—“

 “3…”

 Changmin gave up trying to reason with the other and threw his hands up into the air in exasperation.

  _NO ONE LISTENS TO ME, GOD DAMMIT!_

 “4…”

 The younger of the two flinched as Junsu inched closer. He could feel the other’s moist breath on his lips and swallowed uncomfortably at the prospect of having to kiss Junsu in front of Jaejoong. He prayed for the millionth time that the fool would finally get his head out of his ass and give in to the feelings he so obviously had for him.

 “...5”

 Changmin felt his blood thumping in his ears and shut his eyes in resignation as Junsu whispered the last number against the corner of his mouth. He felt the other’s lips graze his and released a sound that lay somewhere between a sob and a groan, feeling utterly helpless.

 Jaejoong stopped breathing.

 His eyes dilated in shock and glazed over with a near demonic need to possess.

All his confusing thoughts snapped into place with an almost vicious finality and the need to rip Junsu limb from limb for even _touching_ Changmin consumed him.

 He growled and strode across the spans of the room determinedly.

 He grabbed hold of Changmin’s shoulder in a vice like grip and yanked him away from Junsu, ignoring the look of victory on his brother-in law’s face.

 Changmin opened his eyes and found himself staring into his love’s livid eyes and felt stupidly relieved and safe. Jaejoong gritted his teeth at this obvious display of emotion and grabbed hold of his chin and screamed hysterically, “You were going to let him fucking _kiss_ you?!”

 “Mayb—“

 “Are you desperate?! God dammit, don’t you dare go around kissing other men when you don’t have the fucking right to. You’re mine, you hear me?!”

 “I’m not—“

 “YES YOU ARE!”

 “I don't belong to you, Jaejoong!”

 “How could you let him even  _touch_ you?! YOU BELONG TO ME, ALRIGHT?! WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!”

 “I’M NOT YOUR PLAYTHING! I HAVE MY OWN INDIVDUAL RIGHT TO DO WHATEVER I PLEASE WHEN I PLEASE AND YOU CAN’T DO SHIT ABOUT THAT FACT BECAUSE YOU –“

 “I LOVE YOU, ALRIGHT? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?! I.LOVE.YOU.YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!”

 Time froze for the seconds that followed that outburst.  Changmin felt his heart skip a beat and speed up simultaneously as he stared at Jaejoong’s flushed form, feeling a ridiculously giddy sense of happiness invade his entire being.

 “Every single thing about you drives me insane, Min. You can’t go around doing stuff like this because it makes me feel like I lose all sense of control. You do belong to me, fool. And it’s up to you to take responsibility for this—“

 Changmin smiled and put a hand behind Jaejoong’s neck, yanking him into one of the most passionate kisses of both their lives.

 The model moaned after the first few minutes of having his mouth ravaged and ran a hand through the younger’s messy black hair, pulling and grinding their mouths together as if trying to merge them into one.

 Changmin nipped at Jaejoong’s lower lip, sipping at it and tasting an erotic mix of cranberry, whiskey and tobacco. The older man sobbed open mouthed against the taller one’s mouth, breathing in the boy’s moist breath in something that felt far more intimate than any kiss he’d shared before and felt a certain sense of home coming.

 Changmin trailed a wet trail to Jaejoong’s ear and whispered, “I love you too. So much.”

 The older man let a tear slip out from the corner of his eye and bit Changmin’s ear lightly in response. He looped his fingers through the younger’s belt loops and pulled their lower halves together, before backing up against the living room wall.

 Changmin wrapped his arms tightly around the other’s waist and kissed the other’s swollen lips once, twice and thrice before licking the other’s upper lip lightly. He was about to dive in for another kiss when he felt a hand tap his shoulder.

 “As much as I would love to watch a live porn show, JiYul seems a little to amused by what's going on.”

 Changmin glanced back and saw Jiyul staring at them, smiling. He pulled quickly away from the older man and blushed before burying his head into Jaejoong’s neck, groaning miserably at having lost so much of his control. The model laughed and stroked a hand through Changmin’s hair before holding out a hand for JiYul to take, grasping on to her tiny hands and smiling down at his gorgeous child.

 “Hey Junsu?”

 “Yeah?”

 “I promise I won’t kill you if you take JiYul out for a while.”

 Junsu walked over to them and grinned greasily before picking JiYul up, “Come on, Princess. The adults want to do dirty things to each other.”

 “JUNSU!”

 “What?!”

 


	18. Voiceless Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when Changmin thought they'd finally figured everything out, he realises that Jaejoong doesn't know what he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Smut Smut Smut and Angst.

The minute Junsu shut the door behind him; Jaejoong yanked Changmin closer to him, searching his eyes for any sign of hesitation or fear.

 When he found nothing but lust darkened irises and primal determination, he felt an innate, almost predator like urge to devour the younger man in front of him, to rip him of all logical thought and dominate him for all that he was worth.

 He gripped Changmin’s hair and pulled him into a bruising, consuming, messy kiss that left him feeling shaken and desperate. The other could feel his mouth throb with pleasurable pain as Jaejoong nipped, ripped, tore and chewed at his lips as if trying to make a meal out of them. The model’s tongue soon followed Changmin’s in a long drawn out battle of dominance that left Changmin sliding to his knees and Jaejoong hovering over him in victory.

 “God you taste good,” Jaejoong moaned as he plundered his dongsaeng’s lips, desperately trying to satiate his ravenous appetite for the younger man. He wrapped an arm around the other’s waist and helped hoist a leg around his waist and groaned pleasurably as their groins ground together harshly. “Why are you so tempting, Min? You’re like a fucking addiction,” he whispered aggressively, possessively against Changmin’s lips.

 The younger sobbed and gripped at the back of Jaejoong’s shirt, clawing at the other’s skin as if demanding him to give him more, so much more. It was an obsession like nothing that Jaejoong had ever felt before, not with Yunho, not with anyone. This need to possess, to make Min his, to destroy all walls and consume him made him wonder whether they were healthy for each other, whether at the end of it all, they would fear for each other and destroy the world around them.

 Changmin lowered his head and sucked hungrily at the birth mark under Jaejoong’s chin, causing the other to writhe wantonly against him and thrust up against his crotch. He proceeded even lower and nipped tantalizingly at the other’s nipple, which hardened erotically against his cotton shirt and left Jaejoong mumbling incoherent pleas of _want_ in Changmin’s ears.

 “Nmmmn …bed… let’s go…Min. Baby, I want you so bad, come on.”

Changmin pulled away from Jaejoong’s other nipple with a feral growl and kissed the older man again, as if claiming the other as his. The kiss was a messy, lewd combination of clashing teeth and saliva that dribbled seamlessly down the corner of their lips only to be lapped up in another kiss. Jaejoong held Min’s face closer by grabbing harder at his hair and forcing the other into an open mouthed make out session that made Changmin feel heady and totally out of control.

 Jaejoong pulled Changmin into the closest bedroom and pushed him down onto the bed, crawling over him and placing his hands beneath the other’s shirt. “Do you even realize how hot you are?” He asked softly as he peppered kisses along Changmin’s navel, “How tempting?

 Changmin moaned incoherently in response and arched off of the bed as Jaejoong cupped his erection, grinding his palm on the swollen flesh. He whimpered helplessly and opened his eyes to find Jaejoong narrowing his own purposefully at him as if finally having figured out what he wanted.

 Him.

 It was a flurry of ripping and pulling that finally had Jaejoong’s eyes roving predatorily over Changmin’s naked body. He rubbed his own uncovered erection against the other’s and watched with fascinated sadism as the younger boy threw his head back and arched gracefully off of the bed, a guttural moan resounding through the room, “God. You’re so fucking desperate, aren’t you?”

 Changmin lifted a hand and used his nails to drag five furious, red lines across his Jaejoong's back, “Bastard.”  The older one smirked and reached into his drawer, pulling out something that caused Changmin to thrash out violently against Jaejoong, “No way! What the fuck, Jaejoong!”

 “Bear with it. Tonight you’re mine.”

 Jaejoong slipped the cock-ring on to Changmin’s straining erection and groaned helplessly as he watched the veins on Changmin’s neck stand out in retaliation, “So fucking hot...”

 He leaned over and trailed his mouth down the other’s neck, lapping and biting until all he could see were red marks that were bound to turn a stormy purple the next day. He licked a trail to Changmin’s ear and bit teasingly at its helix before pulling a bright red lobe into his mouth and sucked at it until he had the younger in a mess of moans and incoherent sobs.“I’m going to fuck you raw,” the older growled as he trailed a hand down his dongsaeng’s sweaty torso.

 Changmin felt a stab of foreboding as Jaejoong’s words began to register past the haze of pain and lust that was crowding his mind, and he wondered fearfully whether this didn’t mean as much to Jaejoong as it did to him. He looked up into Jaejoong’s eyes and saw nothing but all consuming lust that seemed to take all form of sound judgment away from the older man.

 Every thought flew straight out of his mind when the other placed a soft teasing kiss against the top of his hard member, causing him to open his mouth in a hoarse moan and jerk violently on the bed as Jaejoong lapped at the slit and tasted the pre-cum that seemed to ooze out in copious amounts as if trying desperately to find some source of release.

 Jaejoong hollowed out his cheeks and sucked at the younger’s member and moaned when he felt Changmin grab hold of his hair tightly and push him down to take more. “Take it off,” Min exclaimed desperately.

 “Not until I’m inside you...” Jaejoong responded, the tip of Changmin’s member still resting against his bottom lip as the latter experienced his first dry orgasm.

 The sight  of Jaejoong resting so casually between the junction of his thighs caused the younger’s eyes to dilate in need and pull Jaejoong up into a harsh open mouthed kiss that left both of them rutting against each other shamelessly.

 The room was filled with sounds of harsh breathing, moaning and of skin slapping lewdly against skin. Jaejoong knew he couldn’t take anymore and placed one last harsh nip on Changmin’s shoulder before turning the other around.

 “Can you take it?” He asked, digging his fingers into Changmin’s hip and holding the other’s ass up towards his face. Changmin tried to voice his insecurities but screamed in total and utter shock when he felt Jaejoong’s tongue delve into his hole. He gripped the bed sheets so hard that his knuckles turned white and unconsciously thrust back against his Hyung’s face, feeling another orgasm working its way up to the surface, only to be thwarted by the ring which only seemed to feel like it was getting tighter.

 “I-I can’t, Jaejoong. Please. I…”

 Jaejoong tilted the other’s head back and leaned forward to kiss him languidly. Changmin could taste himself on Jaejoong’s tongue and whimpered before putting his head down on to his arms and biting his lip in submission.

 The model placed a soft kiss at the back of Changmin’s neck before thrusting into the other’s heat with his own throbbing shaft. The pain came like white hot lightening that nearly sent Changmin buckling forward in an attempt to get away. Jaejoong grabbed on to his waist and whispered soothing words into his ears. The older man could barely breathe with the excruciating tightness around his dick and begged Changmin to loosen up, all the while telling him in every possible way that things would get better.

 Pain turned to insurmountable pleasure as Jaejoong hit Changmin’s prostrate on the second thrust, sending both of them into a spree of primal lust that eventually left them clinging on to each other with desperate longing.

 “Jae, ring…god…the ring…please,” Changmin gasped between every thrust that jarred him to his very soul.

 Jaejoong bit Changmin’s shoulder in his attempt to control his orgasm and reached down to pull off the toy, finally relinquishing the control he’d had on the younger.

 As soon as it was off, Changmin saw a haze of black coupled with stars and clenched down on to Jaejoong’s shaft so hard that it had it sending them both spiraling into the harshest orgasms of their lives, with the younger croaking out Jaejoong’s name and Jaejoong screaming out…Yunho’s.

 It was like hell.

 It was world ending, soul tearing and _sick._

 Changmin’s arms gave out under him as his breath hitched in heart breaking pain. He collapsed against the mattress and stared at the headboard with a near vacant look in his eyes, feeling whatever post coital bliss he’d expected to feel  just a few seconds before, evaporating like water on a mid summer’s day.

 He’d finally felt it, he thought with a near numb mind.

 He’d finally felt like he’d been destroyed. .

 Changmin turned his head to the side slowly and watched as Jaejoong ran a hand through his hair, staring dumbfounded at the ceiling and looking as if he couldn’t believe what he’d just done.

 The younger lifted himself up and moved to get out of the bed, his bangs covering his eyes and his hands clenched into a soft fist.

 “Changmin, I—“

 However, what happened next was something that would scar both of them for a long time to come. Changmin leaned over the side of the bed and reached for the bin before retching. He gagged until he couldn’t feel his stomach anymore. It was as if his gut was protesting vehemently against the sins committed against both his mind and soul.

 When Jaejoong tried to touch him, Changmin moved away like he was burned.

 “Don’t touch me.”

 “Chagmin—“

 “No. Just—just please let me go,” he replied softly, swallowing and trying desperately to calm his body down.

 “Min, I swear it was—“

 Changmin held up a hand and stopped him from going on. He reached for his clothes and put them on without saying a word and walked slowly to the door.

 Jaejoong watched with hopeful eyes as Changmin turned back around to look at him.

 “Thanks for the fuck.”

 With that the younger turned away and walked right out, leaving Jaejoong to stare at the empty door way with silent, shocked eyes and the beginning of tears.

 Changmin walked down the street from Jaejoong’s condo, leaving his car behind and trying to think things through. He couldn’t have been less bothered as he banged into people and roamed aimlessly, his mind utterly numb and devoid of any concept of emotion

 “Changmin!” a loud voice called out to him.

 He looked up to find Junsu waving at him from across the street, looking concerned and chose to turn away from him, to continue to recede into the darkest corners of his mind.

 Junsu fisted his hand and brought it down from mid air, knowing that something was very wrong.

 He was just about to reach for his phone when he realized that Jiyul was no longer beside him.

 He looked up and yelled as he saw her running across the road and felt everything around him slow down.

 “JIYUL!”

 Changmin turned around quickly at the sound of that name and watched with heart stopping fear as Jiyul tried to run across the spans of the main road, completely oblivious to the oncoming traffic.

  _No._

 He ran towards the child and prayed desperately for her safety, his eyes widening as he saw a fast coming truck move perilously closer to her, swerving to avoid her and felt memories of Yoochun’s death pass seamlessly through the contours of his mind.

 He screamed for Junsu to stay on the foot-path and pushed Jiyul out of the way, feeling the wind get knocked out of him…

  _Take me. Don’t take her. Don’t take Jiyul. Please. God. Please._

 “CHANGMIN!”

  _Thank you. Thank you._


	19. Looking Beyond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Actions and their consequences.

_So much blood._ Was all Junsu could think about as he clutched despairingly at his blood soaked t-shirt. Each second of that moment passing through his mind like a movie that left him feeling helpless, horrified and _afraid_. He remembered it all too clearly, the truck dodging Changmin by skidding dangerously to the side, a speeding car taking its place, the Earth shattering crunch of his Changmin’s skull on the footpath as the car knocked him clear off his feet, Jiyul’s silent tears, people’s screams, the screech of tires and then the blood…the God damned fucking _blood._

 Internal bleeding, they said.

 Brain contusion. Fractured ribs. Broken arm. Broken leg. Sprained neck. Sprained spine.

 “We’ll do our best.”

 “He may not survive.”

 “I’m sorry.”

 “Sir, please sit down. We’re trying our best.”

 “Let us do our job.”

  _Fuck you. Fuck all of you._

  _He’s a person._

  _Not your fucking two-bit job._

  _Save him._

  _Please._

 He couldn’t take it anymore; he thought as he dug his nails into his arm. The smell of blood mixed with iodoform was driving him to the near point of insanity. His clothes stuck uncomfortably to him while red covered his arms and matted his cheeks in the most morbid of ways. The sound of people running in and out of the OR made him feel like he was going to throw up and that godforsaken _beeping_ was making him want to tear his hair out and just do _something._

 Hurried footsteps, heaving gasps for air and someone calling out his name were all Junsu needed to know that Jaejoong had finally arrived. He glanced up almost listlessly and watched as Jaejoong hunched over and grabbed his chest in an attempt to control his breathing.

 “Jiyul?” The older man asked in a tormented whisper, “Please tell me she’s okay…”

 Junsu  wondered scathingly as to why on _Earth_ anyone would be sitting outside an operation theatre if the person in question was “okay”.

 “She’s fine. She’s in the crèche downstairs,” he answered detachedly before going back to staring at the doors of the OR, “You can go collect her and leave.”

 Junsu didn’t want to see the older man. He didn’t want to deal with him because he _knew._ He just _knew_ that Changmin’s shattered expression before the accident had something to do with Jaejoong and that he couldn’t forgive him. He couldn’t even begin to forgive him for bringing that look on to Changmin’s face. Not before he  _died._ Fuck.

 “Why are you sitting out here? And dear God, why are you covered in blood?” Jaejoong asked as if finally seeing Junsu for the first time, “Are you hurt?”

 “No. I’m not hurt.”

 “Then why—?”

 “Can you please just leave before I—“

 “Mr. Jung?”

  _Oh fucking perfect._

 He turned around and looked at the doctor, not daring to hope, but secretly daring to feel so much more.

 “Changmin’s condition is getting progressively critical.”

 Junsu could practically _hear_ Jaejoong’s heart stop.

 “However, this might only be temporary. The blow to his head, on the other hand, may result in a lot of post trauma. It could be something as small as experiencing nausea to something as trying as memory loss or muscular dysfunction. We’ve done all that we could and his body seems to be responding to the medication…”

 It was enough. Changmin was safe.

 It was enough.

 The doctor cleared his throat, “…but if Mr. Shim doesn’t wake up in forty eight hours, he’s going to be declared comatose and there might be a possibility that we might have to pull him off of life support if his condition continues to deteriorate…I’m sorry Mr. Jung, but we cannot guarantee a full recovery, the only person who can, is Changmin himself.”

 With that said the doctor pushed his way back into the OR and left Junsu staring at his back in quiet panic. He couldn’t even be bothered to flinch as he felt Jaejoong grab hold of his shoulder in a steely, numbing grip, turning him around and forcing him to look into eyes that held the kind of suffering that no human should have to possess in any circumstance.

 “C-changmin…. _m-my Changmin…_ is in there?”

 “Yours? _Yours?!”_ Junsu asked incredulously, feeling hysteria and every other kind of insane hatred for the world break to the surface because he _just_ couldn’t deal with all of this anymore, “Are you fucked in the head or something? He isn’t fucking _yours_ , Jaejoong. And do you know why? Because you don’t care about him. YOU NEVER FUCKING HAVE! Do you want to tell me why Changmin was walking around on the streets looking like his fucking life was over? Do you want to tell me why that poor boy is lying there fighting for his _life_ because he saved Jiyul for _your_ sake?! Aren’t you tired? Aren’t you sick of playing with that boy’s heart? Isn’t this enough?!”

 Jaejoong winced as Junsu shoved him against the wall, enunciating each word with a harsh poke to his chest and looking so defeated that it was apparent that nothing could possibly make any of this better. But the tragedy of the situation was that he couldn’t feel anything. He couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, couldn’t touch, couldn’t taste, he just _couldn’t._

 The younger watched as Jaejoong pulled out of his grasp and slid listlessly to the floor, drawing his knees up to his chest and burying his head into them as if trying in his own way to hide from the world, to just disappear.

 “Not again,” he heard him whisper in a broken voice, “Not again…God…not like you took Yunho. Don’t take him too…not like Yunho.”

 Junsu felt his own tears slide down his cheeks as he tried to take in a deep breath; tried in his own way to take in air in a room that seemed to have run out of it hours ago.

 This was the first time he had heard Jaejoong pray in a long time.

 And for some reason this made the situation all the more terrifying and all the more hopeless.

 He slid down beside the other and rested his forehead against his slumped shoulders and cried; sobbed until he could barely feel his throat, and broke until there was nothing left to break.

 “He’s not Yunho. He’s never been Yunho,” he whispered against the other’s neck almost desperately, “He’s Changmin. He’s just _Changmin_.”

 “Then remind me…” Jaejoong whispered back pleadingly against the other’s cheek, “Remind me of who he is. Tell me who Shim Changmin is. Tell me about who I’ve forgotten.”

 Junsu laughed brokenly at this, “How could you forget? How could you? When he’s always been in front of you…”

 But all Jaejoong did was nuzzle his head deeper into his knees.

 “…He’s the boy with the mismatched smile.” Junsu began with a sigh, “ He’s the boy that hates attention because it makes him feel shy, he’s the boy who likes teasing you because he likes how you pay all your attention to him when he does, he’s the boy who filed a petition in high school to ban coke because _you_ hated it, he’s the boy who told Yunho to buy you Vick because he heard you telling Yoochun that you wanted a dog, he’s the boy who made sure everyone remembered your birthday by sending them mass anonymous messages through the school computer system, he’s the boy who would smile at your happiness and cry at your sadness, he’s the boy who loves Jiyul because you love Jiyul and the boy who loves you more than anybody else in the world. That boy is Changmin.”

 “How do you know all of this?” Jaejoong asked, tilting his head to the side and looking at Junsu with bloodshot eyes.

 “Changmin isn’t the only one experiencing unrequited love, you know?”

 “You mean you—?”

 “Love Changmin?” Junsu asked softly.

 The other nodded hesitantly.

 “ Sometimes almost obsessively.”

 Jaejoong shifted on his knees and grabbed hold of the younger’s hands,” Junsu listen to me.”

 "Jae!”

 “I admit that I’m really stupid, Su. I hurt him all the time, I get jealous over petty things and I’m an idiot because I’m scared to love him—”

 “Why would you—?”

 “I can’t make myself accept him completely, yet the thought of him going to someone else makes me go totally insane. I feel so terrified because I feel so many things for Changmin that I’ve never felt for Yunho and it’s like there are times I have to remind myself not to forget. Unfortunately, one of those times happened to be right after we had sex and he wouldn’t let me explain and –”

 “W-wait, Jae! What do you mean _after_ you had sex?”

 “I-I…”

 “What?”

 “I called out Yunho’s name when I climaxed…and I think… I broke his heart…and…”

 Junsu remained eerily silent before reaching out and whacking Jaejoong across his head. Hard.

 “You _think_?! You idiot! How could you be so stupid?!” He shouted hysterically, punctuating each sentence with an even harder thwack. “You. Fucking. Idiot!”

 “OW! OH MY GOD! JUNSU! I KNOW! ALRIGHT?! WILL STOP HITTING ME!”

 “NO I WILL NOT STOP!” the younger shouted before hitting him again, “You deserve so much more, you jerk!”

 “I know, okay! When Changmin wakes up, he can hit me as much as he wants, so back off!”

 Junsu  glared at Jaejoong, as if gauging how much stupider the other could get in the next five seconds.

 “Stop looking at me like that! You need to understand where I’m coming from, too, you know.”

 “I’m going to give you five minutes,” Junsu growled, “If I don’t like what you’re saying then you’re going to be the next person being admitted into the OR.”

 “You’re so violent…”

 “Four minutes and fifty-eight seconds.”

 “Fine. I panicked, okay? I went into full-on freak out mode because everything with him felt so much better…and I _couldn’t_ let that happen. I felt so guilty and confused. It was like I was forgetting what Yunho felt like because every part of me was just filled with Changmin. All these years I made a promise to myself that I would never fall in love again…and I did… _I did_ God damn it.”

 “So why…?”

 “Because I just had to, okay. Because I felt obligated to.”

 “And breaking Changmin’s heart in the process helped?”

 “No...”

 “And if he dies?”

 “Don’t say that!” Jaejoong snapped angrily at Junsu. “Don’t _ever_ say that…”

 Feeling exceptionally morbid and bordering on near insane cruelty, Junsu continued, “You know, if he dies, the last thing he'd take is you making him miserable so he’s probably going to meet Yoochun in heaven and beg him to reincarnate with him and then they’re going to be reborn and get married and adopt lots of happy children…”

 Jaejoong growled menacingly, his tear-wetted eyes taking on a new kind of gleam, “Yoochun had his turn! And if that boy dies then I’m going to follow him and make sure he reincarnates with me, got that?!”

 Junsu grinned, “Well…who would have thought?”

 “What?”

 “You _do_ love him more.”

 “Seriously, _what_ are you talking about?”

 “Think about it. You said that you’d follow Changmin and make him reincarnate with you…”

 “Yeah?” Jaejoong asked uncertainly.

 “But you didn’t mention Yunho…not even once.”

 “Well…that’s because—“

 “Because you’re hopelessly in love with Changmin.”

 “I-I…”

 “I’ve been trying to get through to you for ages, Jae. Loving someone else, moving on and letting yourself be happy is not betraying Yunho, in fact it’s doing exactly what he wants and respecting his wishes. He’s always wanted you to be happy. He’s always just wanted you to be content.”

 “I’m getting a weird sense of déjà-vu.”

 “Look. If Changmin makes it through this… then either you let him go, or hold on to him for the rest of your stupid, miserable existence. But you don’t get to have it half-way anymore, alright? It’s either all or nothing.”

 “Would he be happy for me?” Jaejoong whispered after having stared quietly in front of him for a while.

 Junsu didn't need to deliberate, “Yes.”

 “Do you think Changmin will forgive me?”

 “He’s too stupidly in love with you not to.”

 But It seemed like the games weren’t over yet.

 Fate had its own design and wasn’t about to be fooled. Punish one for the sins committed against the other’s heart, burn with the pain equivalent to that of the other’s. It was law. It was nature. It was right at that second, when Jaejoong had finally accepted the most inevitable aspect of his life that a nurse burst through the doors of the OR and scurried down the hall, screaming out words that sent bone-chilling, terrifying, soul-destroying feelings of numbness coursing through their veins.

 “He’s flatlining!”


	20. Home

Changmin wondered how much time had passed since he’d wandered aimlessly into what he assumed was heaven. He looked at the greenery around him, the flowers in the distance and inhaled the smell of petrichor that invaded his being, sighing almost contentedly at the peace that he’d finally felt after years of having been in torment.

 He sat back against the rough bark of a tree and stared entranced at the red of the setting sun, digging his bare feet into the grass and feeling the mud slip quietly between the contours of his toes as if taking comfort in them.

 To him, this was paradise. Nothing hurt. Nothing burned. He felt more alive now than he’d felt in the six years that he’d wasted in self-pity and hopeless love. If this was death, then he was ready to embrace it, to revel in it.

 After what seemed like hours, he hummed as he felt another presence beside him. He closed his eyes lightly before leaning comfortingly against the soft hand that reached out to stroke his cheek, as if wiping away the stray tears that accompanied his foreign thoughts. He didn’t need to look to know who it was. This was his paradise.

 “I missed you,” he whispered while placing a light kiss against the other’s palm and pulling away in order to get a better look at the person he’d missed far more than he’d ever thought possible.

 “Stop crying…” Yunho murmured gently.

 “I've forgotten how to…” he replied with a tired laugh.

 The older man bit the inside of his cheek and pulled the younger into a tight hug, allowing him to rest against the warmth of his chest, “You were never meant to be the one crying.”

 “Then who was?” Changmin asked, laughing lightly and reaching up to trace the lines along the corner of the older man’s eyes, “It’s so weird...”

 “What is…?”

 “You look younger than I do.”

  _This._

 This was just another reminder of what they had all lost.

  For Changmin time had gone by, his life had changed, _he_ had changed but for Yunho and Yoochun….everything had remained the same, so unbearably the same.

 “You look older than you’re supposed to…”  Yunho replied, ruffling his hair and leaning forward to brush his thumb along Changmin’s cheek bone, almost as if trying to find traces of the boy that he’d left behind.

 Changmin wrapped both his arms around the other’s waist and held on tight, digging his nails into the other’s back, begging him silently not to let go, “Why did you leave? You were never supposed to die. You who shined brighter than anyone else in the world. You were supposed to be immortal.”

 “You’re giving him more credit than he deserves,” a voice stated matter-of-factly, causing Changmin to pull away from Yunho and turn his face towards the source, “He was never strong enough to be.”

 Yoochun lay causally against the other side of the tree, his head tilted back and his hands in his pockets, staring contemplatively at the darkening sky above him.

 “I’ve been looking everywhere for you…” Yunho whispered, his eyes roving painfully over the other’s form.

 “Yeah? Well here I am….” The younger answered tiredly as he continued to search the sky for stars that seemed to have disappeared into the blood red of the ever darkening sky.

  _Tell me this is the final test._

  _Tell me this is all he has to understand to be happy._

  _Please._

 “Why are you here, Changmin?”

  “What do you mean?” the other asked wearily.

 “Why. Are. You. Here?”

 “I died…”

 “Why did you?”

 Changmin looked at him, mildly confused, before glancing nervously at the sun, which seemed to have gone down a little bit more.

 “I died. I got hit by a fucking car and died.”

 Yoochun leaned over and grabbed Changmin by his chin, pulling it to the side roughly and making the other stare right at him, “No. You didn’t just _die_. No. You’re not just _dead._ You _wanted_ to die. You _want_ to be dead.”

 Yunho shot him a warning look and placed a finger against his lips, indicating for the other to shut up before he freaked Changmin out.

 But Changmin’s expression turned stony as he stared back at the other, completely unfazed and irrationally amused. If they expected him to deny it, if they expected him to throw himself into a tirade of indignant protests and then break out into quiet hysterics, then they’d underestimated his ability to understand himself. He knew exactly why he was here. He knew exactly why he didn’t want to go back.

 He had nothing left.

 He wanted everything to stop hurting.

 He just wanted to be left _alone._

 Yunho was never one to see past other people. He saw right through them. Changmin’s soul, whose very essence was consumed by the kind of pain that very few people could understand, was stained black and blue with years of having been abused so thoroughly by a broken heart.

 His mother’s words resonated through his mind; words that he had, at one point, long forgotten in his bliss, but words that had run along the shadows of a quiet boy’s eyes.

 “Yunho?” his mother had called out to him, gazing thoughtfully at Changmin’s retreating figure on the day of their graduation; watching contemplatively as Yoochun met him half way, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, as if shielding him from an unseen enemy.

  “Yeah, Mom?”

 “Did you know? That a person can die of a broken heart?”

 “What’s brought this on?” he had asked distractedly in reply, stroking Jaejoong’s hair and trying to calm the strange frown that had begun to mar the other’s forehead when the sleeping boy had been transferred from Changmin’s reluctant shoulder to Yunho’s a few minutes before.

 “A person’s heart is as deep as the black of the night, as light as the laughter shining in a baby’s eyes, as strong as a mother’s love for her child and as weak as the tears of a failure who never tried. But a broken heart, Yunho?” she whispered, turning to look at her son with a near broken gaze, “A broken heart is one that can be as strong as strength when it has to be, but as fragile as a piece of china teetering on the edge of destruction when it refuses to be.”

 Yunho stared at his mother silently, wondering why she chose to look at him with a quiet sort of resignation and an even softer look of understanding.

 “Yunho? Promise me something…”

  _Redundant._ “Anything…”

 “Don’t let him give up.”

 “Who?”

  _Changmin._ “You’ll understand one day.”

 He jerked out of his revealing thoughts when he saw Changmin reach over and run his fingers along Yoochun’s forehead, an act he vaguely remembered the other performing on more than one occasion in an attempt to placate the older boy.

 He envied what they had. He always did. A bond that seemed to grow out of nothing but pain.

  It was hard for anyone to understand how their hearts could hold years of secrets, hold enough heartbreak in them to yearn, day in and day out, for another’s embrace and yet still hold on to each other like a life source, like their final breath.

 He could finally understand why Yoochun had to die. _To defy immortal love._

 Why he had to die. _A pawn. Someone who should never have existed. Not in their lives. Not in this life._

 If Xiah hadn’t corrected the course of love, then Changmin and Yoochun would have forgotten the roots of their relationship and in turn created a love story fit for legends, fit for the heavens, and not one meant for the mortals that they were.

 They could never exist. Not in a world that was too self-righteous to understand the depth of fear, to understand the depth of human need.

  Jaejoong and Changmin on the other hand, they were the very embodiment of lust, anger, hatred, jealousy, courage, love, pain, fear and strength. Everything them. Everything human.

  _They would survive._

  _They had to._

 “If you think so hard, you’re going to think of something horrible,” Changmin whispered as he stroked his ex-boyfriend’s head which now lay quietly on his lap. 

 Yunho could see a light glisten of tears on the corner of Yoochun’s eyes and turned his head away, feeling responsible for something he had no control over. As if reading his thoughts, Changmin sighed dolefully, “You never showed yourself to Jaejoong. You never gave him the chance to say goodbye. Why?”

 It wasn’t really a question. It didn’t really need answers.

 But the reasons were there.

 “He isn’t as strong as you, Min,” he murmured, plucking a blade of grass from the soil and allowing it to be pulled away by the wind, “He isn’t capable of winning the fight between guilt and love. He’s so destructive and so engrossed in a world of black and white that there’s no way for him to see the grey that lies in between. He would never be able to understand. He’s selfish. He will do anything to make sure that he’s happy and if that means knowing that I’m even around and finding a way to get to me. He’ll do it.”

 “You mean kill himself,” Changmin breathed.

 “Yes.”

 “Don’t look so surprised. Isn’t that what you planned to do too? Isn’t that what you just did?” Yoochun drawled softly, stretching his arms out in front of him and pulling himself up into a sitting position.

 “I didn’t kill myself,” the younger snapped.

 “Liar.”

 “What do you want me to say, Chun? That I took advantage of that situation? Fine. I knew if I ran just a little bit faster I could have avoided that car. I froze. Maybe purposely. I don’t even know anymore. And I knew Junsu would be able to get to her before I did, but I still went for it. Do you know why? Because I still needed to do _something._ Because if it wasn’t that way, then it would have been some other way and I couldn’t bear being that weak, I couldn’t afford to.”

 “But dying under an illusion of being a martyr is really courageous, right?!”

 “Oh shut up, you—!”

 “Will the both of you’ll just stop arguing?!” Yunho finally yelled, pushing Yoochun’s face away from Changmin’s and placing a palm across the younger one’s mouth, “We don’t have time, Dammit!”

 He whirled on Changmin and put both of his palms on his cheeks, “Listen here, you idiot. Jaejoong loves you. He loves you so much that it doesn’t even come close to the way he used to feel about me. His guilt and his fear are the only things stopping him from making you his. You fill every part of his soul and if you leave him, he’ll just give up. He’ll just stop wanting to live. What he and I had…? It was unbelievable. And I don’t regret a second of it. But what he and you can have, it can be so much more. I—“

 “He doesn’t love me, Yunho!” Changmin yelled, “Stop telling me he loves me when he doesn’t. It’s always been you! All he sees is you! All he has ever seen is you! I was convenient. I made him forget. He...I’m nothing to him. I’m just a replacement for you. All these years, and it took you dying for him to even look at me as more than an annoying brother! And even then it was for all the wrong reasons.”

 “Changmin?”

 “No...I don’t even care anymore I –”

 “ _Changmin?!”_ Yunho and Yoochun shouted together, trying to get the other’s attention.

 “What?”

 “Do you love Jaejoong? Yes or No?”

 “What kind of stupid question is tha—?”

 “ _Yes or No_.”

 “Yes.”

 “Will you do anything for Jaejoong?”

 “Seriously?”

 “Will. You. Do. Anything. For. Jaejoong?”

 “Haven’t I always?”

 “Then go back.”

 “What?” he asked incredulously.

 “Go back home. Go back to Jaejoong.”

 “I’m _dead.”_ ”

 “You aren’t dead, Min. At least not yet,” Yoochun stated softly, glancing wearily at the sun that seemed to have dropped further below the horizon.

 “You’re in between worlds. Subconsciously, you’ve pulled away from reality. Your mind is trying to protect you from the outside world. It’s trying to protect you from Jaejoong,” Yunho mumbled, causing Yoochun to get up and pull Changmin to his feet.

 “Minnie, listen to me. Listen to me for the last time, okay?,” Yoochun asked, bringing his mouth to rest lightly against the younger’s bottom lip and ignoring Yunho’s stiffening form, “He loves you, Minnie. He loves you. You aren’t going to hurt anymore, okay? I can’t explain it. I can’t make you believe it. I can’t force you to understand it, either…but I promise that he’s going to love you so much more than I ever did. He’s going to protect you no matter what and you just have to let him.”

 “But, Chun—“

 “Shhh. Just listen, okay?” Yoochun begged, pulling Changmin into a hug and burying his head into the other’s shoulder, “This is the _last_ time we are ever going to get to see each other, Min. So, there’s no more looking back, Baby. You have to accept him as he is now. You can’t give up on him. He’s not going to be perfect. He’s going to be a total asshole sometimes. But he’s going to love you like nobody else too. You’ll are going to fight, you’ll are going to hate each other, but at the end of the day, he’s going to be who you go back _home_ to. He _is_ your home now.”

 “I hate him, Chun.”

 “I know…”

 “But I love him.”

 Yoochun smiled.

 “I know that too.”

 Changmin pulled back and looked into Yoochun’s warm brown eyes, wondering why they didn’t stop being home too, “I have to go back, don’t I?”

 “Yeah,” the other whispered, “you kind of do.”

 “I’m going to miss you, Micky Mouse.”

 “I’m going to miss you too, Minnie Mouse.”

 The younger smiled softly and turned towards Yunho, pulling him into a hug and placing a soft kiss against his cheek, “Take care of him, okay?”

 “Take care of Jaejoong.”

 “I might kill him when I get back.”

 “Try not to.”

 Changmin laughed and took a step back from the two older boys.

 “I’m leaving.”

 “Be careful.”

 “I will.”

 “Changmin?” Yoochun called, after watching the other take a couple of steps away from them.

 “What?”

 “You let Jaejoong top you.”

 “Oh fuck you.”

 “You let a bottom top you.”

 “I’m _going!”_ Changmin shouted, laughing.

 “Don’t let him top again!” Yoochun yelled back,”I’ll have to give Yunho a foot rub every time that you do!”

 “ That’s cheating!” Yunho yelped, flinging an arm around the shorter male and pulling him into a headlock.

 Changmin shook his head in amusement and waved goodbye, biting his lips and trying not to cry.

  _It’s time to get back._

  _It’s time to go home._

 He took another hesitant step forward and felt a bright light engulf his soul, pulling him back into a world that was too defective to be considered heaven and too filled with love to be considered hell.

  _Home._

  _Loud._

 Those were his first thoughts as he regained consciousness.

 

 He blinked open his eyes and narrowed them against the light, flinching when he heard people shouting and screaming, recognizing one of them and instantly wanting to retract back into his coma.

 He ground his teeth against the herculean effort that it took to turn his head and watched bewildered as Jaejoong clawed despairingly at the doctor’s coat, as if trying to vent out years of bitterness on to the innocent man.

 “Mr. Kim! He’s FINE! Stop trying to kill the doctor!” A plump old nurse shouted as she tried to yank the young man off.

 “THEN WHY ISN’T HE WAKING UP?!” he shouted, his voice hoarse from endless hours of crying and screaming.

 “Because he’s just gotten out of surgery!!”

 “No! You fuckers killed him!! I know you did!”

 Junsu, who stood quietly beside the door, rolled his eyes and shook his head in exasperation, choosing to turn and look at Changmin instead.

 He looked at him unseeingly for a while before jerking back in shock at the sight of bloodshot eyes blinking tiredly back at him, “You’re awake!” he yelped.

 It was like the entire ICU decided to freeze over.

 “Changmin!” Jaejoong screamed, finally letting go of the doctor and reaching out for the younger boy who groaned at the abnormally high pitched tone.

 “Stop screaming, you asshole.”

 Junsu smirked at Jaejoong’s offended gasp.

  _He’s back._


	21. Imperfectly Perfect

_He’s been holding out on me._ Jaejoong thought uncertainly as he leaned over Changmin’s bed-ridden form, shuddering lightly under the abuse of the other’s tongue as it swept teasingly over the nub of his upper lip, pulling it between his sharp teeth and nipping it, sipping it, _tasting it._

 Expectations, he decided, were probably the most frustrating and disheartening things to possess under any circumstance. And frankly, they left nothing but an after taste of bitter regret and an over powering urge to just give up on all sense of justification and faith in the probability of being given second chances.

 Even as the younger had caved into his physical needs for the older, there was little else that he was willing to offer him. Physically, they were insurmountable, but emotionally they were nothing.

 Jaejoong had hoped, no, prayed that Changmin would have at least given him something to work with, given him a stepping stone, an endearing smile, an “I forgive you”, an “I hate you”, just _anything._ Hell, he would have been happy with a load of shit being flung at him from the very depths of Satan’s butt hole, but being violated, so blatantly used by the younger for  the his own physical pleasure and nothing else, made him feel abused and ill. Hurt and miserable.

 “Will you stop ignoring me?” Jaejoong finally mumbled pleadingly, tear drops coating his eyelashes like embers lit under the rays of a defeated sun, “Will you please just talk to me?”

 A Month. It’d been a month since Changmin’s accident, and the boy hadn’t said anything to him save for the few insults he’d flung at him when he’d woken up the first time.

 It had taken the younger two weeks of persistent advances from Jaejoong and a sort of healed neck in order to allow the other to kiss him, but even in the weeks that had passed, Jaejoong hadn’t heard a single word come out of the other’s mouth. Not a single word.

 It tore at his heart that no amount of slaving after Changmin or doting on him could break the ice that surrounded his broken heart, a heart that he’d been trying so desperately to mend physically, but to no avail.

  “Changmin! I’m talking to you!”

 The plump, bespectacled nurse who seemed bent on guarding the younger like a watchdog walked into the private room with the intention of asking Jaejoong to quiet down.

 When she saw the frustrated tears in the other’s eyes, however, she felt obligated to do otherwise.

 “Jaejoong,” she sighed empathetically, “Why don’t you go get some coffee for yourself? You must be exhausted. I think Mr.Shim needs to rest as well.”

 Jaejoong clenched his teeth in confused despair before getting up and heading out of the room, needing time to think, to understand how much more he had to do in order to get the boy to just forgive him and just let him love him.

 This person he saw lying defeated on the bed with barely healed bones was not the same person he’d fallen in love with. Those eyes that held nothing but indifference were not the same eyes that made his heart burn in fevered love and shake in fear for the future.

 It hurt, damn it. It hurt so bad.

  _Is this how you felt, Min? Rejected and used?_

  _I’m sorry, Min._

  _God, I’m so sorry._

  _Talk to me._

  _Please._

  _Just talk to me._

_…_

 The nurse sighed and walked over to the bed in order to make its inhabitant more comfortable, “You need to tell him, Min. You really need to tell him. I can see it in his eyes. That man thinks you hate him. He thinks you’re doing everything possible to prove to him that you hate him…”

 The younger man bit his swollen lip and turned away, eyes dazed, lost and staring at the setting sun, thinking about his conversation with Yunho and Yoochun, wondering what they would tell him to do now that he felt as hopeless as ever.

 Junsu walked in quietly at that point, placing his coat on the back of an uncomfortable chair and sinking down on to it with a sigh of relief, “I’m getting too old for modeling. Maybe I should retire.”

 Changmin smiled a barely there smile that caused the model to marvel at the other’s subtle beauty and turn away in order to curb his growing attraction.

  “Y-you’re b-b-barely twenty-twenty f-five f-for God’s sake.”

 “And _you_ are adorable as fuck. So, explain to me why you’re hiding your little secret from Jaejoong, again?”

 When the other didn’t answer, Junsu leaned forward and grabbed hold of his hand, intertwining their fingers and placing a light kiss against them, “Listen to me, you little idiot. Do you honestly think that he’s going to love you any less because you’ve got a stutter? Personally I find it hot as fuck, it gives you that vulnerable, come fuck me into the bed edge.”

 Changmin flushed, “H-he w-won’t see-see i-it the s-same way-ay.”

 “Or you’re just underestimating his love for you.”

 “N-no. He-he…you-you d-don’t un-understand. I c-can’t be-be as per-perfect as Yun-Yunho anym-more. I’m n-not g-good enough f-for h-him.”

  **Flashback:**

 After hours of being mauled by Jaejoong, Changmin released a sigh of relief when the other was kicked out of the room and told to go get some sleep.

 “Jesus, I never thought he’d leave,” Junsu grumbled, flopping down on to the seat beside the younger’s bed, “He’s like this little parasite when he’s worried. Sticks to you and annoys you until you feel like he’s sucked your blood dry.”

 “H-hey!” Changmin exclaimed, laughing, “B-But h-he’s _m-my_ par-parasite.”

 “Says the person who won’t even talk to the idiot.”

 “I-I’m en-entitled to s-some re-revenge, o-okay?”

 Junsu opened his mouth in order to retort but managed to cut himself short in realization and turn towards Changmin with a light frown, “Wait a second. Did…Did you just stutter?”

 Changmin tilted his head to the side and held a hand nervously to his throat, “Y-yeah, I-I realized I was doing-ing it when-en I-I was ta-talking to the n-nurse when you g-guys had gone for-for lun-lunch.”

 “Min, did you tell the doctor about this?”

 The younger frowned uncomfortably, “N-no, I-I just thought i-it was temp-temporary, be-because of-of the ac-accident.”

 “Sweetheart, that isn’t normal,” Junsu murmured with a worried frown, getting up and heading for the door, “I’m calling the doctor, okay? Just, try talking normally for a bit…it might help.”

 Ten minutes later, the older returned and found Changmin mumbling to himself with frustrated, silent tears streaming down his pale and bruised cheeks. It was like a physical blow to his heart. He could never stand the other’s tears. No one could.

 “Don’t cry,” he whispered pleadingly, walking towards the bed and reaching out for the younger, “It’s okay. It’s fine if you can’t. Just relax, okay?” he muttered and brought Changmin into a hug, being careful with the other’s battered body.

 Changmin’s tears stopped as the doctor checked his throat and analyzed his CT scans, but moaned in tortured self-pity when the older man pulled away and shook his head sympathetically.

 “We’ll have to conduct more tests to be sure but I’m almost certain that this is Neurogenic Stuttering.”

 “W-what?”

 “Neurogenic Stuttering, is a type of fluency disorder, in which a person has difficulty in producing speech,” he replied, propping his hip against the side of the white bed and staring fixedly at a spot on the wall, “And, most of the time, just like in your case, Mr. Shim, it can be caused due to a severe injury to the head.”

 “But he seemed fine when he woke up!” Junsu exclaimed, “He didn’t stutter then, so why now?”

 The doctor nodded “It’s simple really; long periods of rest essentially give you the psychological stamina required to be able to speak fluently. Changmin’s stuttering will, therefore, be lesser during the mornings but will increase periodically throughout the day.”

 Junsu put his palm against his eyes and wearily asked, “It can be fixed, right? I mean, it’s not permanent is it?”

 The doctor shook his head, grinning, “No, it isn’t permanent per say, but it isn’t the kind of thing that is likely to disappear in a day or two, either.”

 “W-What do y-you mean?”

 “What I mean, Mr. Shim, is that you are going to have to go through months, even years, in an extreme case, of intensive speech therapy in order to re-develop your speaking skills.”

 “W-wh?…Oh…,” the younger murmured, staring blearily at the cast on his arm.

 “Changmin,” the doctor sighed, dropping all sense of formality and gazing at him with the eyes of a friend, “Even with speech therapy, the possibility of you being able to speak normally again is still very low, you’ll still experience moments of stuttering, especially during stressful or over-stimulating situations.  Basically, you aren’t ever going to be able to go back to the way you were before the accident…I'm sorry.”

 Junsu watched, emotionally exhausted, as the doctor bowed and exited the room, before turning towards Changmin in hopes of trying to  pass on some encouraging words to the other. However, what he saw in the younger’s eyes made his blood run cold in terror and his heart _hurt._

 With irises blown wide, Changmin stared back, disillusionment, fear, confusion and _self-hatred_ clouding his clear brown eyes and turning them into the murky shade of outdated brownies.

 “Changmin,” Junsu said slowly, reaching out to tap him lightly on the chin, “Come on, Baby. Work it out slowly, okay? We can do this…Min snap out of it.”

 “…damaged,” was all the older heard being whispered as the younger turned his face away, staring unseeingly out the window

  **END FLASHBACK**

 Junsu growled, annoyed, and pulled Changmin’s face up to his so that their mouths remained barely an inch apart, “You stupid fool, what on Earth will it take, for you to understand that you’re _perfect_? You are fucking gorgeous, _smart_ , loving, kind, funny, witty, scandalous and bloody sinful. Hell, even your stutter makes you about a hundred times more desirable. I can barely control myself around you now. So, damn it, you better stop undermining how blatantly attractive you are.”

 The younger felt another surge of blood flood his cheeks at the other’s monologue and dipped his head in embarrassment. And _fuck_ if the older didn’t find that sexy as hell.

 Without really thinking about it, Junsu pulled Changmin by his neck and pressed his lips against the latter’s chapped ones, groaning predatorily at the slight taste of cinnamon and praying hopelessly for some kind of control.

 Just as he was about to pry open the other’s shocked mouth with his tongue, he saw a flash of someone’s reflection in the mirror beside the bed and felt his heart stop.

 Jaejoong stood still as a rock, taking in the sight before him- a _flushed_ Changmin pulled up against Junsu’s chest and _kissing_ him- and feeling his heart just shatter into uncountable pieces.

 “What the _fuck_ is going on in here?”


	22. Being Loved

 Changmin nearly laughed.

 Or cried.

 He really couldn’t tell which one of those reactions was more predominant or more suitable for the occasion, not when his heart was as numb as it was.

 All he could really see was the deep rooted anger and murky sort of sorrow hardening precariously in those bright onyx eyes of his lover; eyes which had only a few hours prior held far-fetched promises of forever.

 He gazed almost unwaveringly at Jaejoong, contemplating a hundred other things as the other glared back at him with a look of complete betrayal on his face, his body radiating an aura of “I knew it”, as if having just assumed from the very start that Changmin would be bound to set sail on a ship of torrid back stabbing affairs and secret moonlight escapades by the fire light.

 He could have said a lot of things in retaliation to that one look. But frankly, he just didn’t give a flying fuck in hell what the other though, especially not when the other had already formed his own conclusions, depraved as they were.

  _Is it that easy for you to assume the worst in me, when all I have ever done is look for the best in you…?_

  _You have no right. You have no right to look at me like I’ve done something wrong. You’ve done worse, hyung, you’ve done so much worse._

  _I didn’t kiss him back. I didn’t._

  _How could I, when you’re the only one that I’ve ever loved?_

  _Hyung!_

  _Trust me!_

 Jaejoong tore his eyes away from Changmin, disappointed, causing the latter to scoff in amused disgust, and stalked forward to pull Junsu away from the younger, keeping a firm hold on the other’s collar and tightening it with his next question.

 “What the _hell?!”_

 The younger model’s eyes widened as he saw the crazed jealousy underlining that question present itself in the other’s darkening orbs; disbelief sneaking its way into his expression as he realized that the older _actually_ thought he was a threat to his relationship with Changmin.

  _He’s never going to learn, is he?_

 He yanked away from the suffocating hold, his apparent disgust with the  display of mistrust presenting itself as he made a show of wiping his moist lips against the back of his hand, taking just a little longer in order to show the older exactly “what the hell”.

 “It was just a peck. Calm your fucking panties, Jae.”

 The model growled warningly him, tilting his head to the side in an act of dominance before whirling on Changmin instead, deciding that he would be easier to question, “Is he the reason why?!”

 The youngest didn’t even have to pretend to be confused.

 “W-what?”

 “Is _he_ the reason _why_?!”

 “W-what t-the fuck a-are you t-talking a-about?!”

 The older laughed derisively before running a hand through his hair, looking heavenward for guidance and just _praying_ for patience, “I’m asking you if he’s the reason you’ve been pulling away from me.”

 Understanding dawned on him like a slap on the face, “H-hyung, S-seriously? N-No! G-God, w-what is _wrong_ w-with y-you?!”

 Jaejoong choked, “What’s wrong with _me?_ Oh my God, this is just _rich_! Let’s see, Changmin…Oh wait, I don’t know,  maybe it’s the fact that I step out for like ten minutes to just think of a way to placate you and come back to find my best friend trying to _maul_ you with his mouth and _you_ letting him!”

 Changmin suppressed the irrational spark of joy he felt when Jaejoong called Junsu his “best friend”. It proved to him that the other had indeed moved on, both on a physical and psychological level. It gave him hope that all was not lost. It showed him that the other did care.

 And damn if that didn’t make him love the other a little bit more.

 Changmin was once again too in love with the angry fool to hate him for not trusting him.

 He’d lost to him again.

 Just like he knew he always would.

 “M-Maul me? _Maul ­_ m-me?! He wasn’t _mauling_ m-me, H-hyung. T-that was barely e-even a k-kiss! Y-you walked i-in a-at the wrong t-time, okay?! And j-just F-F Y I, Hyung, _h-he_ kissed _m-me,_ you know, in c-case y-you w-were wondering!”

 “You should have punched him in the face!”

 “I w-would have i-in a-another t-two s-seconds!!”

 “Two seconds too long, Asswipe!”

 “B-bite m-me, B-bitch!”

 “I would if you’d let me, you Prude!”

 “D-drop d-dead!”

 “Only if I’m taking you with me!”

 Junsu smacked his palm against his forehead and leaned back against the chair in defeat, his anger at Jaejoong having long subsided through the course of the increasingly idiotic conversation.

 He’d just begun to shut his eyes in exasperation when an epiphany hit him like a speeding train. He shot up from the chair, knocking it backwards, pointing a shaking finger at the older, his eyes blown wide in shock, “You _knew?!”_

 Jaejoong smacked Changmin on his good arm before turning towards Junsu, irritated, “Knew what?”

 “About his stuttering!”

 Changmin froze.

 The older looked at him like he’d gone mental, “Of course I knew, you idiot. The doctor told me about it the minute he figured it out. Why?”

 Junsu and Changmin stared at Jaejoong, shocked, before breaking out in a babble of explanations.

 “W-we t-thought—“

 “That’s why he was—“

 “I-I was s-scared t-that y-you w-would—“

 “Reject—“

 “M-Me.”

 Jaejoong stared at the two of them dumbfounded, his upper lip curled in disbelief and his eyebrows raised, “What?”

 The two younger ones looked at each other before asking him the question that had been plaguing both their minds.

 “Why w-would h-he tell y-you a-about it?”

 “Why would he even tell you?”

 Jaejoong looked at them unsurely, as if gauging their mental state, “Uh, I don’t know, maybe because Min’s parents listed me as his emergency contact after the accident?”

 “Oh. Well. That makes things about a hundred times easier.”

 “Wait a minute,” the older asked suspiciously, “What did you mean by “that’s why”? Are you telling me that you wouldn’t talk to me because of _this?”_

 Changmin sighed unsurely and mumbled something under his breath.

 “What was that?”

 “I-I t-thought y-you’d b-be em-embarrassed by me and t-that y-you wouldn’t w-want m-me anym-more.”

  _Oh._

  _Oh God no._

 Understanding people with the inability to speak was something Jaejoong took a lot of pride in, and Jiyul was testament to that fact; but his complete inability to see Changmin’s insecurity was a big blow to his hammered self-esteem. He gazed into the other’s warm brown eyes, pushing past the nerves of steel that the other possessed, only to see the vulnerability for what it was -  a need to mean more.

 “Baby,” he murmured reaching out and pulling Changmin into his arms, “Sweetheart, no.  I love you. Everything about you.  Why would you think I wouldn’t?”

 “B-because y-you h-have a-another reason t-to m-miss Yu-Yunho.”

 “Shim Changmin, you listen to me,” Jaejoong finally said, kneeling down on to the floor beside the bed and pulling Changmin’s hands to his lips, “I screwed up, okay? Badly. I hurt you by feeding my own insecurities and I’m so sorry about that. I’m sorry I made you feel like you were never good enough, because you are. You are so much more than good enough. Sometimes, I think I don’t deserve someone as amazing as you.”

 “L-Liar.”

 “No. I’m serious. The way you’ve never judged me about any of my choices, despite making a lot of fun of them; the way you’ve loved Jiyul since the day I brought her home; the way you’ve stuck by my side through everything. I never saw you for what you were, but now I can’t imagine living in a world where you aren’t around. I wouldn’t survive.”

 “E-Ew no. Just n-no.”

 “What?”

 “N-no.”

 “Look. I love Jiyul with every fiber of my being, and I tell her that everyday but she can’t give me those words back. You can. And I want them. Do you hear me? I want you telling me you love me with that little stutter of yours every single day of my life. I need you to.”

 “That’s d-disgusting,” Changmin said looking down at Jaejoong impishly through his lashes, “You’ve h-hit l-like this n-new low w-with your c-cheesy l-lines, Mao.”

 Jaejoong grinned, burying his head into the sheets and laughing, “I hate that name.”

 “Not as m-much as I h-hate y-your f-face.”

 “You love my face, Bitch.”

 “Nah, j-just your t-tight a-ass.”

 “You’ve never had my ass and that would have hurt if you weren’t stuttering, Porky Pig.”

 “A-asshole.”

 “Don’t pout. Honestly the stuttering is actually pretty sexy. Gives you that whole fuck me aura.”

 “Told you,” Junsu grinned, reaching his leg out and poking Changmin with a socked toe.

 “Y-you know,” Changmin said, pulling the oldest up to his feet, “ for a-all t-the t-talk you g-guys have b-been d-doing, I d-don’t a-actually s-see a-any action.”

 Jaejoong groaned and crawled on to the hospital bed, straddling the younger and staring down at his bright eyes, “Junsu, get out.”

“Aw, but I wanted to watch.”

“OUT!”

“Spoil sports," he muttered petulantly before laughing quietly and heading out the door, deciding to close it behind him with a soft click, in hopes of giving them their privacy.  After minutes of just standing there, he leaned back against the cold surface and let himself cry for the first time in a long time.    It hurt.  It  hurt and he had every right to feel sorry for himself , well, at least until he could pick up the pieces of his heart and find someone else to make them whole again.  Xiah smiled down at him from above, sad grey eyes gazing at a sad soul.   _You'll have your happily ever after soon too, little boy. Thank you for helping me make them see._


	23. Insecurities

Junsu walked along the beach, his eyes trailing cautiously after JiYul’s foot prints as they led down into the sober, light blue water that continued to lap lazily against the soft sand. He shouted a warning out to the child as she twirled around in her pretty pink float and turned back to watch Changmin stare determinedly at the half finished sand castle, obviously contemplating finishing the girl’s abandoned endeavor.

 Jaejoong, for his part, lay lethargically on a white blanket, his shades glistening in the sun and his mouth parted lightly in sleep, finally having found a way to ignore the admiring stares and fangirls roaming around behind the bushes, desperate for his rest and uncaring for the life of a celebrity.

 Seven months had passed since that day at the hospital… and while JaeMin’s lives had gone from chaotic to comfortable, Junsu’s had gone from depressing, to remotely happy, to highly depressing and fuck if he wasn’t getting sick of it.

 He sighed miserably and shook his head, frowning as he watched another old happy couple skip along the beach like they were twenty years old again.

 Act your age He thought grumpily, kicking a shell with his heel and watching it bounce off of the sand castle, effectively putting a stop to Min’s architectural escapades.

 Noticing the sudden change in Junsu’s disposition made the younger lift himself off the ground and walk towards him, concern marring his face, “W-What’s wrong, Su?”

 “It’s nothing,” the other replied, his eyes tracing the soft scar on the younger’s left cheek.

 “Hmmm…I don’t b-believe you.”

 “It’s just…”

 “Yes?”

 “I forget how hard it is to get into relationships sometimes, you know?”

 “As i-in?”

 “It’s stupid but I feel like I’m going to die single or something. Being gay makes everything so much harder because it’s difficult to find someone who will love you and have the strength to move against societal norms and just embrace you whole-heartedly. I mean it’s one thing to have your own parents accept you but who is to say that the person you have feelings for will accept you. I mean what if he hate you hates everything that makes you who you are? What if I’m just not meant to have anyone?”

 Changmin stared contemplatively at him, trying to gauge the other’s sincerity and finding that his eyes saw nothing, but his heart felt everything.

 He took a deep breath like his doctor had taught him to do and tried to say what he needed to say slowly and without stuttering.

 “My mum told me something when I came out to her, Su. She said, ‘You have to promise me, Min, that you will l-love yourself. There’s n-no two ways about it. There are going to be plenty of p-people out there who are going to hate y-you for being yo-yourself…and at the end of all of that…you’re the o-only one you’re going to come back h-home to. No one’s opinion matters more than your own…a-and so long as you d-don’t question yourself and feel g-guilty for being who you are…you aren’t doing anything wrong.’ ”

 “That sounds highly preachy.”

 “But t-true. I’m not going to feel guilty for b-being who I am, Su. And I don’t want you to be either. A-anyone else, who wants me to change or be “normal”, can k-kiss my sweet ass for the number of s-shits I give a-about their archaic, r-religion induced o-opinions. Honestly, if the guy doesn’t like you for who you are…then he really isn’t worth your time. Worst comes to worse, you can just convince Jaejoong to let you get into a relationship with us.”

 Junsu smiled, a tear slipping out of the corner of his eyes.

 “What b-brought this o-on anyway?”

 “Ah…”

 “Come on…t-tell me,” the other persisted, nudging a shoulder against his.

 “No..it’s…”

 “Junsu.”

 “I…I think I might have feelings for a straight guy…”

 “…So?”

 “He may also be homophobic.”

 “Ah…”

 The older smiled sadly.

 “How do y-you know that t-though?” Changmin asked softly.

 “Do you remember the doctor who took care of you? After your accident?”

 “Y-yeah?”

 “It’s him.”

 Changmin straightened, his eyes taking on a confused look.  “Kyuhyun? You l-like Kyuhyun?!”

 Junsu jumped and turned red in the face, nodding quickly before shutting his eyes in embarrassment.

 The younger smiled.

 “I d-don’t think he’s h-homophobic, Su. He k-knew both Jaejoong and I w-were gay and he didn’t s-seem to be too b-bothered by it.”

 “I went out for dinner with him a week ago and I was talking about how the three of us were heading out to Jeju for the weekend…”

 “A-And?”

 “He just sort of went quiet all of a sudden…and then he said “Three guys hanging out at the beach…isn’t that a bit weird.” So I said, “Big deal…it’s just going to be getting drunk, having sex and me babysitting the kid.” And then he just got this hardened look on his face before he made some excuse about being needed at the hospital and left.”

 Changmin choked before leaning against Junsu and laughing, “Oh m-my God, Junsu!”

 “What?”

 “Did y-you by chance m-mention that you w-weren’t part of the “having s-sex” e-equation?”

 “Well no…but…Oh for the love of God he thought I was getting it on with you guys?!”

 “That’d be m-my best bet.”

 “Fuckin Son f a Bi-!”

 “JUNSU MY DAUGHTER IS BEHIND YOU!” Jaejoong screamed from the mat before turning away and onto his stomach in hopes of getting more sleep.

 The younger winced and leaned forward in a whisper, “Dude that’s fucked up…I mean it’s not like I wouldn’t mind getting it on with you guys but-“

 “The answer’s still no,” The oldest screamed again.

 “Fucker has ears like a Prairie Dog’s.”

 “I heard that too!”

 Junsu shook his head and returned back to the topic, “But why would he be bothered anyway? It isn’t as if he has anything to be judgmental about unless-”

 “Unless h-he’s interested i-in you and w-was hoping to get more than o-one date out o-of you.”

 “… “

 “Junsu?”

 “When’s the next flight out to Seoul?”

 “Y-You serious?”

 “Fuck this shit. I’ve already lost you to an idiot-“

 “HEY!”

 “I’m not going to let this guy go too.”

 Changmin grinned but placed a hand on Junsu’s forearm.

 “You c-can go, Su…but—“

 “But?”

 “I need y-your help.”

 “With what?

 Changmin pressed his lips against Junsu’s ear, “I’m going to ask Jaejoong to marry me.”

 “WHAT?!”

 “SHUT UP AND LET ME SLEEP, YOU ASSHOLES!”

 Junsu bared his teeth at Jaejoong’s back and put his palms against Changmin’s cheeks, “Minnie, think about this. If you don’t marry Jaejoong then you and I can run away and –“

 This time it was Changmin who shook his head, chuckling, “Baby, as much as I would l-love to run a-away with you. I love Jaejoong too much.”

 Junsu smiled and leaned forward, knocking their foreheads together, “I’m happy for you, Minnie-ah.”

 Changmin gazed into his best friends eyes, thankful for his love, thankful for his understanding and most of all, thankful to him for staying by his side.

 “I love you, Su-ah. I want you to be happy too.”

 Junsu smiled somewhat sadly, “Maybe someday.”

 The two men turned around when they heard a young male voice call out to Jiyul and gasped simultaneously when they watched their little girl get dragged away by a ten year old boy.

 Junsu muffled a laugh as he watched the small boy wave his hands animatedly at the girl and doubled over when the kid placed a sloppy kiss against Jiyul’s cheek.

 Changmin lurched off of his feet and tried to make a run for the two of them, “That boy b-better not be trying to p-put his moves on my g-girl!”

 “Changmin!”

 “I’m going t-to kill—“

 Before Junsu could catch up to Changmin in his fit of laughter, Jaejoong grabbed hold of his boyfriend’s waist and pulled the younger back against his broad chest.

 “I hate that you guys can’t let me get some shut eye.”

 “JAEJOONG THAT B-BOY IS KIDNAPPING JIYUL!”

 “Good.”

 “I’M GOING TO KILL T-THAT KID!”

 Jaejoong grinned and placed his lips against the other’s neck, “Maybe he’s going to be our future son-in-law.”

 “Damn if I’m going t-to let a smooth t-talking…” Changmin’s eyes widened as he realized what his boyfriend just said.

 “Son-in-law?”

 “Minnie…”

 “…”

 “I’ll marry you.”

 


	24. In The End

He watched the platinum band glint  in the moonlight, wondering if the metal had been carved out of the very body that it seemed to mirror. Jaejoong. Jaejoong. My Jaejoong. Kim Jaejoong.

He smiled, his heart beating steadily to the winking of the stars.

“You look strangely content,” Junsu whispered, materializing behind the younger man and pressing his cold lips against the warm shell of his ear.

Changmin laughed airily, shrugging the older away, leaning his body closer to the railing as he felt the man make himself comfortable beside him, “It’s s-stupid,” he murmured into the night, “he said y-yes. He wants it as much as I do…b-but I’m still s-scared. I’m just scared and r-really happy at the same t-time.”

Junsu bit his lip, looking up at the dark velvet of the sky, “Being scared is natural. Being happy on the other hand…” he trailed off feigning uncertainty and laughing quietly as the other nudged his ribs.

“Being happy, is the reward for all the hard work you put in. You did well, Kid,” he continued in a murmur, rubbing a soothing hand over the other’s head, “It’s nearly over now.”

The younger frowned at the ambiguous statement and turned to face him, “W-What?—“

Xiah smiled.

He blinked and the apparition was gone leaving behind a slightly disoriented Junsu.

“Ah…I think I had too much to drink,” the older stated, shaking his head and walking back into the warmth of the apartment, leaving Changmin to stare bewilderedly at his retreating figure.

“Changmin,” he heard Jaejoong call from the kitchen, “Can you help me set up the table?”

The younger smiled, his uneven eyes taking on crescent shapes, and fastened the ring back on to his finger, a feeling of rightness settling over his heart.

“Coming!” he shouted.

Later that night, when everyone they cared for had fallen asleep, Changmin, under the blanket of darkness, under the faux light of humanity, lay back against the silk of the dark pillows, sighing as he felt his lover trail lazy, loving, gentle kisses down the column of his throat, pausing to whisper senseless words of love, of faith and of forever.

He ran his lean fingers through the other’s silky long hair, arching gracefully as he felt him place a wet, languid kiss against the hollow of his neck. His eyes shimmered under the dim light of the night lamp as he felt the enormity of the day, the enormity of being engaged, the enormity of finally belonging.

“J-jaejoong…” he whispered the name like a prayer, tugging the other’s head up and placing a soft kiss against the other’s pouty lips, tracing his tongue along the skin, tasting the remnants of the night’s dessert and shivering at the feeling of home flittering across his soul.

The older opened his eyes and nudged his nose softly against the younger’s; chocolate brown eyes meeting deep hazel pools of longing.

“It’s you and me,” Jaejoong murmured, “It’s always meant more, felt more when it’s been you and me.”

He wouldn’t have believed in those words, wouldn’t have placed an unwarranted faith in empty promises framed from broken hearts…  
But those tears he saw amidst the lust of passion and warmth of love made him reach out and draw the man close to his heart, “…I love you,” he whispered fiercely, running his palms down the naked contours of the other’s back and tracing his name along the skin, as if tattooing it there forever.

Jaejoong, consumed by the need to take, unfastened the scanty remnants of their clothes and trailed his nails across Changmin’s chest, scraping across the other’s nipples and placing solid, possessive kisses against his chest, burning his very essence into the other’s body.

“I want you,” he murmured, “God, I want you so much, I ache.”

The taller of the two laughed throatily, lightly mocking the underlying petulence behind the shorter one’s statement, “I’m y-yours. Every part of me belongs to you, so take me.”

Jaejoong bit Changmin’s lip reproachfully and turned his attention to his hardened member, “Someone’s impatient,” he muttered amusedly, wrapping his supple hand over the throbbing shaft and proceeding to drive the other to the edge of pleasurable insanity.

“Jaejoong, p-please…” the younger moaned helplessly, “Been…so l-long…I-I just want you. N-nothing but you.”

Jaejoong glanced up through his hair and smiled gently. He lifted himself off of Changmin and sat back on his knees, looking at his fiancé.

Fiancé…

He didn’t think he’d ever get tired of saying that.

“What’s w-wrong?” the latter asked, moaning in frustration at having been abandoned at his peak.

“Do you want to take me, Min? …Do you want to top?”

Changmin froze and raised his body up, leaning back against his palms, “….”

“Min?”

“Are you s-sure, Jae?” he murmured, gazing into the other’s eyes for a glimpse of uncertainty, “Are you ready?”

The older grinned, ducking his head down. God, he’s so cute.

“Yes.”

I’m sure. I’ve always been sure.

The younger didn’t waste time. He grasped the elder’s shoulder and rolled them over till Jaejoong lay under him, gazing at him with those too-wide eyes, certainty and contentment reflecting back at him.

I love you.

So much.

He nuzzled his face into the side of his neck and proceeded to kiss him deeply, fully and tantalizingly while wrapping his arms securely around his slim waist.

Jaejoong moaned as he felt their cores rub against each other and wrapped his legs tightly around Changmin’s hips, dragging him closer to himself, subconsciously trying to merge their souls into one.

“Inside…” he groaned, bucking up against Min, impatiently, “Please…just…inside.”

Mine…

Mine was what Changmin thought as he plundered Jaejoong’s mouth with his own.

Mine was what he growled out as he held his lover close between the space of preparation and consummation.

Mine was what he chanted as he plunged into the excruciating heat of Jaejoong’s tightness.

Yours was what Jaejoong sobbed at the brink of his nirvana.

Tears poured down the elder’s face as he held Changmin through their orgasms, his heart clenching painfully in his chest as he felt the younger reach searchingly for his palm and hold on to it with a grip that could only be described as possessive.

Yours. Yours. Yours was all he could mumble as he felt the other’s tears mingle with his own.

Changmin raised himself up on to his arms and looked down at his future. Past…present…future…forever.

“I love you, Jaejoong.”

The other smiled and he felt it right down to his gut, his ears ringing as he waited and waited.

“You’re my other half, Min.” Jaejoong finally whispered, “You’re my soul-mate…my soul-fighter. I love you.”

The ringing grew progressively louder and louder still as they kissed, their hearts so entwined in destiny and fate.

And a blinding flash of light awoke Changmin from a long awaited dream.

 

 

"Changmin.."

"Changmin, that's the eighth time you've put the alarm on snooze. Come on, baby, you need to wake up..."

"Mmmf..?"

"Shim Changmin... Wake up! We're going to be late for Jiyool's graduation."

"Ugh.. Five more minutes.. I's 'till early.."

Jaejoong huffed as he brushed his husband's bangs away from his face, "It's already ten in the morning! Get up, already!"

Changmin grunted and buried his head into the pillow, "Go away, old man... You're too loud."

Twelve years of being married to each other and Jaejoong still couldn't figure out how they managed to irritate each other to this extent and still continue to love each other as much as they so obviously did.

Soul fighters indeed.

He was just about to kick the other off of the bed, when their bedroom door burst open and an excited Junsu strolled in alongside his more than embarrassed husband.

"Wakie-wakie, Minnie, the true love of your life is here," the exuberant man sang as he flung himself ceremoniously on to the bed, placing a big,wet, sloppy kiss against the sleeping man's cheek, causing Kyuhyun to bury his head into his hands and apologise profusely to Jaejoong, who in turn tried to swallow a choked laugh as Changmin turned away mumbling something along the lines of "Who let the dog in?"

Junsu, for his part, pouted petulantly.

"I should just lick him like a real dog and see how he likes it. Stupid jerk."

Having had enough, Jaejoong rolled his eyes and grabbed hold of Changmin's arms in order to pull him up and prop him comfortably against the headboard.

"Time to wake up, Min. What kind of parents would we be if we weren't there to congratulate our daughter on one of the biggest days of her life, huh?"

"But I was having a good dream..." The younger mumbled, sleepily, his lips curving into a whimsical smile.

"Oh? What about?" The older asked curiously, handing Changmin his toothbrush and clothes.

"Us... When we were younger..."

Jaejoong's eyes softened.

"And you were better looking.."

"SHIM CHANGMIN!"

Junsu rolled off of the bed in tears, while Kyuhyun tried to hold Jaejoong back from trying to kill his still-disoriented husband, all the while wondering how on Earth he'd managed to get himself pulled into such an insane group of friends.

But... he didn't regret any of it for even a second. This was home. This was family. This was forever.

They'd loved, they'd lost, they'd suffered and they'd won. Inevitable or not, they'd managed to succeed in their dreams for a greater love born out of tragedy.

All thanks to two very very persistent spirits...

Well...

Three.

You know, because Xiah... The cool fate-man-person-thing...

And God.

You can't forget God...

Because he's awesome...

And he's cool and fabulous and ghetto and chill and- Oh. Wait. Is this done?

Seriously?

Can I just fin- ?

Bu-

But-

Oh, alright keep your panties on.

Bye.

The End

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's done done done. I hope you all enjoyed this. Comment/Kudos you know the drill. Concrit is forever appreciated.


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